January 1st. 2007. New Year's Day. A new start. It's gone 11am and I am still in bed! I have been sitting here thinking, wondering how to be different. To make things different. Yesterday I allowed myself to be hurt, upset and angry....it spoiled my day. Again. The last day of the year. Get over it, I told myself, don't let someone spoil your day. So I did.
I prepared a couple of games for David's party, an ice breaker, and an update to a certain pub quiz, at about 6pm, when I finally realised he wasn't coming round (see previous blog.) and went to the party, and it was fine. The ice breaker, guess the character I have just stuck on your back: it took me f**ing ages to guess I was Jane Austen, and I had just created all the labels, so I should have had an advantage really....then about 60 people got into teams and did the pub quiz, complete with large flower jokers, and we ran out of time, as at a quarter to twelve it was time to pour champagne and prepare for party poppers. At midnight, we all hugged, wished each other a Happy New Year and we were all friends.
This morning I just spoke to my leovly mate George on the phone, and I told her about the party. As she was talking she said something like, if you see David, tell him something..to which I replied, I'm not speaking to him. George says, 'Oh, has he upset you since midnight then?' Yes, he has.
How can I be different? How can I laugh it off? He won't change, so how can I? I asked the question, last night, in front of a few friends, how can I continue to be in business, in partnership, with someone who doesn't communicate with me? All the replies came back immediately, they would all quite understand if I wasn't!!!
I was feeling so hurt, bottling it all up, but I have talked to George, and cried a bit, and now feel better. Aren't friends wonderful!!! I lvoe you all. Just tell me, please, how do I grow a thicker skin this year?
Happy New Year.
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4 comments:
oh if only i knew my love....not sure that owuld be the right solution anyway but if i did know i'd tell you for sure....
We kind of love you as you are, sweetheart...Living with a rhinocerous whose skin is so thick that nothing penetrates, I'd really hate to see that sort of transformation - but will just keep praying that there is less to hurt you this year.
I'd guess you don't need a thicker skin, but hope that others become more sensitive - your friends love you as you are, wishing you a Happy 2007
Making your world different is not the same as making yourself different. Certainly work on the world around you, but don't make yourself different.
New Year is a tough time, I think tougher than Christmas. Last year "J" went to bed in a sulk before the new year came in, probably my fault but I don't know why. This year we both stayed up but I don't think either of us felt together. Work on making the world around you understand how you feel, I believe our lack of being able to communicate cuases many problems. Most important, start every day looking in the mirror and say "Today will be a good day".
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