One of those bizarre evenings only made possible by the mad friends I have...I started by leaving work early and taking a food parcel to Laa who is still of with flu and needing supplies. They somehow included a packet of chocolate marshmallows (M&S will reduce them and stack them by the till..) but she didn't fancy one so I tested out a couple with a cup of tea..I just had ten minutes before heading to Stevenage to pick up DC (if he has caught the right train of course!!) to go to a meeting....
My phone rings then and DC announces he is at Stevenage half an hour early, having inadvertently caught an earlier connection when he changed trains, and finding himself pulling into Stevenage when he wasn't expecting it (he was on the phone!) and having to grab all his stuff and fall out on to the platform..I point out that I have just sat down with a cup of tea and he has no right to be early...he decided to get a taxi as he needs a sit down and a bit if quiet to get over the shock of being half an hour early for the first time in his life...
When he arrives at Laura's I open the door, and there is DC, he throws me his coat, pushes past me and runs upstairs shouting, 'Where's the loo?' and vanishes, leaving the taxi outside with the meter running as he was so desperate for a pee...then he comes down and goes out and pays the driver. who is looking amused..he has earned 60p for that pee....Laura makes David a cup of tea, and I tell him about Liz being not too far away, doing training for other budding s*wage *ngineers, and we start to imagine the test questions at the end of the day....I just have to text Liz the results, starting with, 'If Billy at no. 33 does a poo at 9.23am into the outflow into his street, how many other people will have to...' and so it goes on, really stupid...Liz's reply reduces me to giggles as she is amazed I have guessed one of the exam questions exactly, except the name is Bobby, not Billy, and we go on to exchange more bizarre questions, involving..well, you don't want to know, but suffice it to say her replies reduce me to such hysterics that I can't read them out, and I am crying with laughter, which makes David helpless, and Laura is just sitting under her duvet on the sofa watching in sad disbelief....
Eventually it is time for us to drive to our meeting, which is an important public meeting to do with a Christian Festival David and I are working with (another one) and I am wearing my new posh suit and want to look good, and Laura points out that I have laughed/cried all my make-up off, so I have to raid her make up bag to repair the damage....
Well, we set off and I am driving the hour/hour and a half to this meeting, and DC, unusually the passenger, is telling me about his day, and the fact his back is playing up and he has been drinking lots of water which is good for him...the journey passes pleasantly enough until we hit the town we are heading for, and sat nav tries to tell me I can go down streets that are obviously one way the other way, and so I have to make it up, but we are really early, plenty of time no worries, and then DC starts to say he needs a pee...nearly there I say, driving happily on, and he says, look, there's a garage, oops too late, I've missed the turning...then on the other side he spots a pub...no, I can't turn, someone too close behind, sorry, missed that too..I'll stop soon...
Suddenly David starts making strange noises, he undoes his seatbelt and starts scratching at the door handle, saying, 'I need a pee, I'm having a panic attack, I need to go now...' and of course I start laughing cos I think he is messing about, then I realise he isn't and is in the middle of a full scale anxiety attack about his immediate need to pee, but my laughing kind of makes him laugh, which makes it worse..oh no I am on the town's ring road and he is staying, stop, pull in, pull in, but I can't..then up ahead I see a turning and a building with lights, it's a hotel I think, 'Pull in, pull in, ' he is shouting as he is opening the door on the bend...
I pull in and it is a small industrial estate, and a yard, no-where to go, but there are some bushes at the end of the yard and a couple of industrial wheelie bins.. 'Let me out ..NOW..' as I slam on the brakes, he jumps out and vanishes into the bushes behind the wheelie bins, and I turn the car round so I can't see and my headlights aren't aiming his way..a couple of cars come down into the yard, and I hope he doesn't get spotted in the bushes..by the time he returns I have again been reduced to helpless giggles and have cried all my make-up off again...he is in shock from experiencing what maybe his first panic attack..and he wishes I would stop laughing....
Anyway, we make it to the meeting in a big town centre church, over 200 people attend, and we join in and get to sit on the platform at the front, and are introduced as the professionals who will make this festival happen....
After, we decide we are hungry, and so find a little Italian for a pizza (we share and ask if can have a choice of toppings on each half..) I have the veggie option on my half, and David has the meat feast on his half, much to the confusion of the waitress..we stay and talk far too long, and soon it is 11.30pm..time to head back, and I make sure he goes to the little boy's room before we leave....
In a bizarre ending to the evening, I get home just before 1am, hoping I am not in trouble for being late, but sure C will be well asleep..anyway I am wide awake and go to the kitchen to make a coffee...suddenly C appears on the stairs, asking, who is it, and on discovering me, says he thought I was away training and wasn't expecting me back - no, I said, I told you I was at a meeting with DC - oh yes, I forgot, I am sleeping in your bed as I thought you were away..ok..I go up with my coffee and there he is back in bed, so as I undress I ask him how his day has been and look forward to company on a cold night..suddenly he gets up, picks up his watch, glasses and alarm clock and starts to leave..where are you going I ask? Back to my own bed, I can't sleep with you talking, and so he leaves.
I sit up in bed drinking my coffee, and thinking, it's a funny old life..what shall I blog about in the morning?
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5 comments:
Oh Sally, I'm glad I'm at home laughing at this, rather than getting strange looks at work. Priceless!!
And men in general seem to be rather a strange breed!
Rach x
some of us had to keep a straight face in front of a room full of delegates beavering away at their calculations, whilst someone texted them suggested questions including phrases like "Using the standard national turd transfer rate..."
Think we all need to invest in waterproof mascara!
And with DC's new found bladder weakness, we should be careful not to make him laugh too much in public...
hear leather seats polish up nicely tho sally. tried and tested (or so i'm told!!)
and this fits into your plan of action how, exactly???
CAroline, I was driving, it was my car, and I don't have leather seats!!! Good job he doesn't read my blog!!! Um..plan of action..would that be Thursday's plan or Friday's plan?? Along with the plan to eat less chocolate and go swimming more??? Sorry Liz, thought you would be finished for the day..reading texts whilsttraining??? Ttch TTch.
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