Tiring weekend...

Busy, not easy, and now when I remember how much work I brought home to do, I have tried to do it but am too tired......managed another swim today, 19 lengths, and also have joined, with Rosemarie, the health club, in an effort to make me go more often, go to classes, and who knows, I may even get a personal trainer to start me off on getting fitter and slimmer......

Can't blog, sorry need to sleep......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

As I thought...

Pixie Dog has gone home. And I have a tub of clotted Devon cream. And a smoked buttered trout. Aren't I lucky!

Met Rosemarie and swam 20 lengths after work. Must do that more often, it was lovely.

Bother, bother, bother...

Dur...I had Steve Lawson in my diary for last night. I have been to the last Recycle Collective gigs and didn't want to miss this one, the launch of his new album - which I have and it's brilliant! Anyway, obviously DC wasn't around to go with, I couldn't persuade James or Laura to come with me..and so when Laura invited me for a girly night out I decided to do that instead, on the grounds that...a. it was yet another not and humid evening and could I really face going up to London???? and b. I would have to go on my own, and wasn't quite in the mood for that, feeling a bit low, last time there was no-one I knew there, but everyone else seemed to know everyone else, and I wasn't sure I could cope with feeling Sally no mates at the moment.

But when I log on to various blogs, what do I find? Steve's blog tells me it was brilliant (there's a surprise!) but not only that, I discover that the gig was on Wednesday night anyway, not Thursday! (I think I have made this mistake before!) so I could have gone..and then I check out Jude's blog, and lo and behold, a huge GB crowd have gone along, so I would have people to be with after all....but then I think, maybe not, they might not have wanted me, and I would have been alone in a corner, so best I didn't go then......

Somewhere along the road I have lost a bit of confidence....I'm going to try and stop looking for it and tormenting myself with my own inner monologue.....

I may have to keep her....

...Pixie dog is so lovely and she has settled in well... here she is in the garden waiting for Laura to throw the ball...again....look at the picture carefully..can you see anything that's missing???? She is the fastest dog on three legs...

Today at work I discovered the top of my left arm to be painful..I realised it is muscle pain due to the hundreds of times, as I sat on the sun lounger last night, I threw the ball up the garden...

I think Sophie likes her new friend, they are getting on very well.

Earlier this week I had an e-mail from Laura, suggesting a girly night out with shopping, food and the cinema. I lvoe my baby girl! Just what I needed. So tonight we headed off to the Galleria and did a little shopping - she was getting me to try some clothes, but admitted my new found shape was something of a problem, so we gave up on that..but I bought some make-up and lvoely smelly things at the Body Shop, and I found a useful white t shirt at the M&S outlet store...

Then it was time to go to Mama Amalfi's and collapse over some rather good Italian food, and have a chat. I am pleased to say my re-telling of the carpet man story (see blog below) had the desired effect.....

For someone who has had trouble sleeping recently, and has been awake many nights til gone 2am, you would think going to see a film starting at 9.45pm would cause no problem...but no, as usual, sit me somewhere comfy and warm and I'm off...I was actually asleep before, through the trailers, and had lots of little sleeps through the film. Actually, Laura said she never saw me awake. But I was sometimes, I do remember some of it..Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn in Breaking Up. Believe me, I didn't miss much. Laura really liked it though...she dropped me off and I was greeted by not one but two happy, licky doggies who were more pleased to see me than life itself. Aaaaah....

Two black doggies to play with! And other stuff....

Yes, Pixie Dog arrived in the end! After going to bed and trying to sleep cos I was soooo tired....end up exchanging text messages with DC at 1am (I know I could have turned my phone off, my choice) the 'what time do you call this?' variety and him saying he had had a good leaving do, John had taken Alan to casualty, Mark had had to go home, so he had gone out for a late meal with Sue, Karen and Anna, oh, sorry, had he forgotten to text me earlier, he thought he had.....

Not that any of this annoyed me of course, I decided to end communications and try and sleep...by that time it was 1.30am and I have never been so wide awake in all my life......stomach ache, head ache, the heat......

So at 2am I got up, fetched lap top and did an hour's research.....on what I hear you ask? Well as I say on my blog, sorry, I am honest and talk about death and sex..and politics..well death, anyway...but I share what is going on, as Liz says, this blog is as much for me as anyone else......

I researched the menopause...here I am 53, going slowly mad, not coping, falling apart..and really, for no good reason....I used to be a strong person...can't be on anti-depressants for ever, can't have bereavement counselling for ever...so..search results..some of you will thank me for this one day.......

There is something called the peri-menopause which can hit for a few years before the real thing, generally between 40 and 50..well here I am at 3 and no sign of the real thing..but symptoms of the peri whatsit? Weight gain..yes, I look about 9 months pregnant which is horrible.....mood swings, depression, yes yes and yes again...lack of concentration..oh yes, the mistakes I am making, the things I am forgetting at work......difficulty in sleeping...yes!! lack of libido/interest in sex....er no, not that one, this is me we are talking about..that's about the only bloody symptom that would be useful......

So I decide I'm not going mad, it must be hormones..so I research treatments apart form the dreaded HRT..I buy a packet of black cohosh tablets which my doctor recommended, a homeopathic 'natural' treatment for menopause symptoms..and a packet of St Johns Wort for mild depression. I took one each yesterday.

Last night, my friend Jacky who is a nurse, came round to dog walk with me..I talked to her and showed her the black cohosh (as recommended by GP a few weeks ago...) she said, oh that was in the paper this week, it causes liver damage, don't take it. But my GP said it was good...yes, but that was last week, this week it is dangerous....oh I give up, £16 down the drain and I've only taken one...she's going to recommend something else which is safe this week....

Anyway, the doggies had a lovelywalkk, Pixie has settled in, she is just gorgeous and I was still throwing a tennis ball up the garden for her to fetch at 11.30pm....she is an excellent 3 legged runner ..today I will take some pics to share.

This is a test stay while the owners are inDevonn for a couple of days. Hope they arehavingg a lvoely time..as Pixie is happy I can have her for a whole week in August while they go on a family holiday to France......they had better bring me back a pot of sodding clotted cream...

Long day....

..started with an encounter with a carpet cleaning man (of course I was taking to the dog, that's my story and I'm sticking to it....)

Better day than yesterday, which I won't go into, but I am stressed which is affecting my stomach, so I am in a bit of pain and not eating much at all, drinking water mainly, and have actually lost a few pounds so that's good....not even eating chocolate....that's worrying...

Have been at the laptop all evening, well from 9pm til midnight anyway, working on my Final Report for my social work student. It's not finished but enough for tonight! Now it's gone 12 and I have been waiting for a phone call from one DC (I'll call after 9.30pm) yes, well after......about the doggie arrangements for tomorrow. I am having 3 legged Pixie Dog while D and H go on a little holiday to Devon for a couple of days..I have my uses...I think I'll give up and go to bed and hope D and doggie turn up before I need to leave for work...if he is still out in London at his leaving do, I doubt it......

It could only happen to me....

This morning a carpet cleaning man came to have a go at some stubborn stains on the lounge carpet (probably coffee, ok?) and when he came in Sophie dog barked furiously, as dogs are wont to do. It was early and I hadn't dried my hair yet. 'I'll just get my stuff in from the van' he said having introduced himself (youngish, very big built in a football, rugby kind of way,). 'Ok,' I said, 'I'll just finish drying my hair.' 'No problem,' he said. Sophie continued barking and being annoying so as I got half way up the stairs I said in my very firm voice, 'Right, come on, upstairs with me - now.'

I turned at the top of the stairs to see Sophie and very shocked carpet man both staring up at me from the bottom of the stairs....'Um...I was talking to the dog,' I said. 'Oh, ok, I'll just get my stuff'...' said carpet man disappearing out the front door.......

And the end of one......

Stayed in bed reading while Clive went to church..although I was left with the instruction that it might be good to tidy up a bit as his mother was coming for lunch..quite true...James came and found me in my room, after my shower, and yes, I was crying.....let's face it, the depression hasn't gone away, but usually I can hide it from my kids...he hugged me and said he missed grandma and grandpa too....I couldn't say, actually, this isn't really about them it's about me feeling cr*p, so I didn't, which makes me feel dishonest.

Bless him he made me coffee and toast, and we talked in the garden before I set to doing some cleaning and tidying. Clive was going to fetch his mum after church, but as he came home feeling decidedly dizzy and wobbly and sick, he went to bed and James set off for Hillingdon. I cleared and washed the kitchen floor, made raspberry brulee (yum), hoovered, then changed and looked radiant for mum in law and children's arrival!

We sat in the garden and had a lvoeyl bbq, thanks to Mec's bbq skills (it's a blokey thing) and the raspberry brulee went down very well. I even managed time on the sun lounger to read my book and have a snooze! Clive and his mum went to church (again, I feel such a heathen) and having spoken to a friend on the phone and just got upset, I went for a dog walk with Jill, and cried most of the time. Jill is a lovely friend whom I have known for twenty years now, and she doesn't cry. She can't do it. Never has. How she puts up with me I'll never know!!!!

Persuaded Clive, who was feeling better, to take his mum home and stay there the night, save him driving back again at 6.30am, and went to church with James - not for a service but for him to practise his best man'' speech for next weekend. He is incredibly nervous, given his vocal problems, but he has written a good one, very funny and he has learnt it and delivers it well. He took some advice on delivery from me, went through it twice and called it a night. He'll be ok.

So now he's gone, and it's just me Sophie and the laptop.....maybe I'll just go to bed and feel better in the morning...what's the alternative? Don't ask....

Sorry, these two blogs are probably best deleted for being a. boring and b. miserable. But hey, what you see is what you get. I'll try and do better next time, Night x

The start of a weekend......

I was looking forward to it, after a busy weekend last weekend, and then a hectic week, I needed some 'me' time, I think they call it, so after Clive went to work I got up and got busy..music on, breakfast in the garden....put washing on, tidied a bit, just kept busy..but there is a bit of me that doesn't want to be alone, and craves company, and hopes the phone will ring or someone will pop by for coffee...it didn't happen, and although of course I have friends I could call..something made me stick with it and use the time..I can be alone, it's ok......

I actually made myself go into the messy room downstairs that has become a junk room and is still full of my parents' stuff....I brought a few boxes into the kitchen and went throughout them, crockery, cutlery, glasses, ornaments..letters, which of course I started reading, and the tears started flowing.....it was actually ok, I sorted through a lot of stuff, I read stuff, put a few boxes out for a charity shop and decided which bits I was keeping..I just cry through it all, but at least I did it..I kept expecting James to arrive, or maybe Laura to ring, but no..no-one..and why should they????

After Clive came back we sorted out some glasses, and having discovered James was arriving later, I decided to go shopping....which I did, after having a complete breakdown sitting in the car in the car park....I don't do weekends well do I?

I did a very, very, big shop and came back to unpack and find James there.....he had persuaded Clive, Laa and Mec to go to see Superman Returns, and so I went too...not overly keen I must admit, but the alternative was staying in on my own, and I thought, no......

Besides, the film gave me the opportunity to have a little sleep.....it wasn't the best film, but the after film discussion made me proud of my off spring who had both picked out the religious, Christian symbolism....Sunday School wasn't all wasted then....

That was a Saturday night I'll never get back....given that it was a late showing, I got back to check e-mails at gone midnight, to discover Liz had e-mailed me instructions for how to do Instant Messaging..just as I logged on, lo and behold, Liz appeared on line and somehow I didn't get to bed til 2am......that works then.....

How vey lvoely....

...to go away for 24 hours and have people say they have missed you! Well, in blog land of course, at home only the dog noticed.....

More pictures wot I took.....














The first pic from the front lawn in the evening as the sun was going down, and then the next day in bright sunshine....the formal lawns just become rolling fields full of mature trees and grazing sheep (sheep were in the shade somewhere that day but were all over the place the rest of the time....)

If I walked into the field a bit and headed for the sheeps bobbles towards the fifth tree on the left, there was a tiny place where one could get a mobile phone signal..briefly..I thought how sad it was in breaks, instead of talking to each other, there were lone figures wandering in the distance, heads bent, trying desperately to get a signal to phone home...why????? Oh some did have young children, so ok.....

I got two texts when signal hit..one from Laa saying she and Mec have completed on their house and are moving on August 11th...yay! Lots to do! Decorating and cleaning! Oh to be needed again!

The other was from DC to say that he and I had passed our Personal Licence Course with only one wrong answer each, which we suspected. B*gger. We got 100% in the mock! 49 out of 50 then. Oh, I so wanted to do better than him...... apparently we were the star pupils and did way better than anyone else..and we didn't get sent the handbooks before the course like the others..something to do with late booking and payment..oh, who could that have been?????

So we're off to a run a pub then.....

Beautiful, beautiful place.....

Launde Abbey, where I have spent the last two days....just beautiful..there were 16 of us, from all over the country, all of us have been in the same job for over 5 years and this overnight stay was a bit of a treat from the national organisation...lunchtime one day to lunch the next just wasn't long enough..none of us knew each other, but during the informal evening session began to get to know each other, and share personal stuff..16 women of similar ish ages, similar characters cos of the work we do (caring, sharing, or just nosey cows, work it out) so stuff about..let me see..men, parents, children started coming out,,what else!!! By lunchtime next day, over breakfast and coffee breaks more personal stuff was being shared by a few of us, but then after lunch, time to go...just as we had connected..I think they should have given us 2 nights and more chance to chill and talk......

It was a lvoely Christian retreat centre, you could tell that cos there was a notice in the bedroom asking you to change your own sheets in the morning.....there was a notice blue tacked in the corridor, saying, 'Silence, God at work.' Of course I am comfortable with a venue full of religious icons ie more notices than anything else, but some or not, and to my amusement I found the trainer bluetacking some paper over the 'Silence' notice because someone had found it offensive.....

It was almost too hot to work in the workshops but some of the time I escaped to the orchard and lay under a tree when solitary thinking was required. I could have laid there for ever.......

A strange week.....

Yes, it's been a strange week, three days out of four in London which is unusual! Yesterday was a work meeting about our now accredited training course, with other peeps like me from other schemes: we met in the small Methodist hotel/conference centre near Euston station which is a lvoeyl venue with a really nice cafe and lunch! Was good to catch up with a few friends at ,lunch time and have the usual unprofessional bitch about life!!!!

Managed to make it back to a sun lounger in the garden by 4pm, turning down an invite by Rosemarie to go swimming, but still wasn't feeling brilliant, and couldn't be bovvered..fortunately, as a fellow female, she understands these things.....

Last night included a late cool dog walk with Sophie, our friends Jill and Harry, then a time back on the sun lounger talking to the lvoely Caroline; I decided texts were not enough, we needed a full catch up. She won another tribunal yesterday, honestly, that girl is soooooooooooooo cr*p at her job.....

After a solitary plate of pasta at the kitchen table, I was just wondering what to do to fill the gap before bed time, when I get a text from Liz.. is is too late to call? NOOOOOOO!!!!

A lvoely girly chat, no tears, actually, from either side, but lots of talking, sharing from the heart..was the word 'Men!' mentioned? Possibly??? We had a good laugh, when after about one and a half hours of Liz hardly pausing for breath, she did the classic, 'So, enough of me, how are you?' which made us both giggle.. I said, 'Fine' and she said, 'No, really?' An hour later....

I came off the phone lighter in heart at having such good friends to talk to, made myself a coffee and found it was 12.30am and I was wide awake and happy! Off to bed with my book, what a lvoely way to spend an evening.....and to really make it, Caroline phoned to tell us the job news we were all waiting for...RACHEL GOT IT!! She must have heard the cheering from the Deep South!!!

Today I am off on a two day 'retreat' to Launde Abbey in Leicestershire. The HQ of the charity I work for offer it to 'experienced co-ordinators' who have been in post 5 years, for a time out and reflection....I can't...but 24 hours may not be long enough..the blurb says it is in the middle of nowhere so mobiles may not work (no bad thing!) but it says bring small change as there is a lttle shop which sells chocolate and other 'necessities.' So that will be hairdryers, tooth brushes, toothpaste, hair brushes, knickers..anything really, that I am likely to forget......

I am off to pack my bag. Have borrowed the husband's car for its air con. Not sure he was happy, but I didn't have to fight too hard......

See you Thursday!!

We really do all need pan pipes!!!

Now it has been officially recognised....pan pipes are good for us. I know Liz might take some persuading, but..you never know, the lvoely Caroline might be able to offer some first hand experience!

I have been waiting for her to blog about it, but in her absence, will tell you that Bristol nhs, like so many nhs's around the country, deep in debt, has got a lottery grant to fund three musicians to go round various doctors' surgeries waiting rooms to play to patients, to 'calm them and cheer them up' as waiting for a doctor is apparently 'stressful and boring.'

I wonder if the research for this project included the surprising increase in stressed patients trashing their doctors' surgeries, especially in the Bristol area? Please, Caroline, go to the doctor in the next three weeks and see if it works, are you calmer, less stressed, not as bored, and is the £6,000 well spent? If you say it's good, I may be able to sue my nhs for not giving me the same treatment.....

Maybe it's the heat....

The heat, or tiredness, or PMT or stress, don't know, but today was not a good day. After a hot and tiring day in London on Saturday, with all the walking involved, I had a busy day on Sunday, setting up and running a charity stall in St Albans as part of the Council Festival of Life project. Although I had volunteers helping me out on an hourly rota, I was there all day, and it was hot - not helped by the fact that I hadn't slept well and was up taking nurofen at 6.30am....

I lasted the day but collapsed in the garden at 5pm with aching legs and feet..what would I have given for a foot massage???

Then today, Monday I was back up to London with DC for a training course, after another bad night, more nurofen, and not feeling 100%. What to wear to London on one of the hottest days of the year, when what you want to wear doesn't fit..a few changes of clothing later I reach a compromise with what to wear that doesn't make me look too fat but I won't die in it. I blame missing the train on DC messing with the ticket machine, he blames it on me changing outfits..whatever. We get there late to find the venue locked and have to ring the organiser who eventually comes out and let's us in. I, of course, need the loo, and go into the training venue last and find DC comfortably settled at the last proper chair and table, and there is just a chair on the end for me. I hate being late, I hate having the crap space and already feel cross and tearful.

As the trainer launches into the detail of Personal Licence Training (for this is the subject) I realise that the subject is alcohol, it's consumption and effect, or at least that is where the trainer chooses to start. I also realise that I perhaps haven't given this enough thought, and the subject starts to upset me as it brings to mind my father and his alcoholism. The trainer lunges towards me in an amusing impression of someone drunk...only I don't find it amusing. (I know this doesn't make sense given my antics of downing the odd whisky, but it isn't about making sense, it's about trying to deal with a range of emotions around alcohol) The trainer also talks about licensing laws and the political agenda and I find I violently disagree with him but best stay quiet. Most people on the training run pubs etc so I am in a minority and after one or two comments or slight 'stroppiness' as DC nervously observes, I shut up and engage with the training.

It gets better, and is quite interesting, but I know that I don't really care if I don't pass the exam as I won't have to be responsible for anyone's licenced event! We break for lunch, when DC observes I am a bit highly strung but acknowledges that this is a difficult subject for me..I admit to feeling slightly wobbly and not well, but not to worry, I will survive.

The afternoon is ok until the Trainer asks for a definition of violence. While people are thinking about the answer he turns and shouts in my direction, to make the point that violence can be verbal as well as physical. I am not expecting it, and find that I am going to cry. After a minute, so it doesn't look too obvious I leave the room and go to the loo, feeling stupid for being so tearful...but can anyone understand??? Not the right moment or the right person, I wish he hadn't picked on me. I calm myself and go back in to the training.

A little later, we are sent upstairs with a mock paper of 40 questions to do in 20 mins before the real thing. I admit to DC as we sit down that being shouted at had upset me. 'He didn't shout at you,' he says, 'but in our direction.' 'It felt like he shouted at me, I was not prepared for it, and I found it upsetting.' DC then gave me a look that can only be described as withering and irritated and he turned his attention to the exam paper.

How I stayed and filled in the paper and got 40 out of 40 I don't know. How I went back downstairs and sat through the 40 minute exam I don't know. How I didn't kill someone I don't know. Why I felt so bad I don't know.

All I know is I wanted someone to care. Slightly.

Here I am back in bed having had a cold shower, water and more nurofen and hoping I'll feel better tomorrow. You know, I think I've passed the exam. Just need to wait and see who got the highest score......not that it's a competition, of course.....

Now I wonder..will it break down according to gender..will the girlies reading this have sympathy with how I felt, and will any guys feel sorry for DC having to out up with me? Or will it be an even split either way?????

OOps, belated pictures.....

Blogger kept telling me it had successfully downloaded two more photos to my blog, but it just didn't. Three times it didn't. So, from Saturday, here are the last two pics.. my two babies, happily chatting together..I lveo them..and little family of mummy and baby ducks playing in the sun on the Serpentine.... fourth time lucky...

Belated Father's Day Family Outing!

Laura had the brainwave of an unusual Father's day gift for her dad: there was an exhibition on at the V&A she wanted to see, and she thought he would like it too, and the fact that it was sponsored by H*bit*t and that her brother might be able to get free tickets rather added to the attraction.

So today was the day, and I was included too..so L, C and I headed off on the train and met J up in London: first stop was a walk into Hyde Park to visit the Serpentine Pavilion: every year there is an architect's competition to design a cafe and multi use area which is installed just for the summer and then sold off to the highest bidder.....anyone fancy this in their back garden?



Inside is a large circular space which is a cafe by day and a talks/workshop venue at night. Perhaps GB should buy it for the Festival? I took a couple more interior shots, showing the inside with an assortment of black hard foam rubber blocks for sitting, lying, putting your coffee on..and my family enjoying the facilities (and photographing the ceiling....)



















After a look round the photographic exhibition in the Serpentine Gallery, we walked along the lake to the restaurant and sat outside and enjoyed a rather nice lunch ..on the way I photographed another little family enjoying the Serpentine in the sunshine...

A bl**dy good gig....

Admittedly this pic is of The Waterboys at Glastonbury, but they looked similar at the Alban Arena tonight..although the lead singer had longer and scruffier hair. We had downstairs standing tickets, so although my legs are throbbing and feet aching (or is it the other way round?) it was a good three hours of folk/rock/heavy metal that has made my ears ring! Wow, can Mike Scott play that guitar.....

David and I had a good time. H had gone to see Billy Joel, C had gone to see his accountant (whatever turns you on!) so we went out to play... very tired now, need to sleep, night zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I lvoe you all....

You are all very kind and lvoely people for your hugs and prayers. Rachel, all the way from Tennessee sent a Blue Mountain card e-hug, which was lvoely - and before you tell me off any more, I did ring Liz on Monday to chat, when I knew I was 'on the way down' and she did a fantastic job of cheering me up without even knowing it!

And I did text the lvoeyl Caroline for lvoe and support when I went to bed, and she did offer to ring and chat, but by then I knew I was overtired and emotional, so didn't want to talk, but a few texts while dropping off to sleep were very comforting.....

Strangely enough, today was better, but did involve a couple of long telephone conversations in between family visits, which were painful (the conversations not the visits...) but have cleared the air and normal service has kind of been resumed..resulting in a lot of silly texts being exchanged and general amusement, which is far better than miserableness!!!

I even went to the annual church BBQ and had a sausage in a bun and trifle and was actually quite sociable, which I couldn;t have done at all last night. Isn't life strange! Part of my depression is the fatness, I am a strange shape now, and am so conscious of it, I really ought not to wear the same short t shirts, a change of style would help, and I am going for another scan to make sure it's nothing else! But tonight C said I was looking pretty, which is almost a first, I must get it in writing.....

I read Stuart's blog today. He said he is not sure where the line is between public and private stuff when blogging..in my case, it would be a phrase well know to Liz, I know where the line is, and it's just behind me!!! I do share such a lot of private stuff, I probably shouldn't, but hey....

Oh, I know what I was going to say: my social work student on her placement with us, is coming to the end of her 3 months, and she was saying today, 'Sally, I can't believe your social life, it's amazing!' I started to say, no, rubbish I never go out, but I realised that recently I have been to Cheltenham, the theatre in London twice, Kate Rusby, out to dinner with Rosemarie, Steve Lawson twice, and tonight the church BBq. Is that so amazing???? Suppose it is a lot.

I first met this student as a client, she had a volunteer for a while a few years ago, so I wanted to have her on placement. of course I am her Assessor, and am responsible for her training and evaluation while she is here. I do try to be professional so that she can learn Good Things from me. But while I was working at my desk this afternoon, surrounded by silly cards about chocolate and smacking people, and wild, coloured fluffy pens sticking out of a pot, and one with a tigger on the end, and on the shelf behind me eeyore and friends, and a quacking duck and a vibrating cow, she suddenly says, 'I've had my eyes opened working here..I thought Sally was such a serious, sensible person, and now I realise she's completely mad..' Oh dear, rumbled again. Got to write her final report next week.....

A real dip, I'm afraid....

I have been dipping for a little while, but struggling to stay afloat....found the weekend hard....then by yesterday was really down, and ended up last night by having one of those solitary dog walks (thank God for the Wick to walk round) and thank God for Sophie, where I just cry and cry and can't stop. I sometimes ring a good friend, sometimes I feel I don't want to impose myself in that state, and last night was one of them. The kind of feeling bad which makes me want to reach for the two boxes of anti-depressants I have unused in the draw, but I really don't want to go back to them, they won't change anything. I came back and just told C I didn't feel well and went straight to bed. When you are in separate rooms you have private space to cry in..but it can be so lonely.....

The day wasn't helped by several e-mails from Hilary, James' ex, which upset me, then a phone call from her apologising for upsetting me, which made me cry again, and she said, don't be upset, I am ok, don't worry about me, I am over it, I am really ok, don't cry, I hate your son now...I tried to make her understand that it was not all about her, I am sad about everything that has happened, that I can't deal with this stuff at work, and I don't want to hear that she hates my son....she said oh, sorry.....

I saw DC after work and had laptop conversations among other things, and I was in a bad place, so it wasn't fun, and I wanted to just cry, and tell him about HIlary, but somehow I didn't, and I didn't tell Clive later...but save it to tell a computer, how sad is that......I guess because I know the bloky response wont be just to hug and elt me cry and say nothing..there will be comments and opnions which I didn't need....

Anyway I have to keep the laptop now cos I have been so busy at work..I haven't blogged about the meetings this week, too many people in the office, too much pressure which hasn't helped. Just meant I didn't have time to do anythign about the laptop, or do the list of office keyholders, or ring a GP, or the family, or 101 other things on my to do list.

The laptop thing is a genuine misunderstanding. In his enthusiasm DC thought I had asked him to order me one. Of course now he is hurt that I don't want it, and feels if I keep it I will just resent him every time I look at it. No, I said, I'll grow to lvoe it in time....he said he would pay the difference (I was only planning to spend £600-£700) which was only fair, but as soon as he offered, I said no, thank you, I'll pay it all....I have some pride..I think...

We spent some time doing stuff like setting up internet banking (I nearly wrote internet bonking, sounds more fun...) and while he was talking techie and helping me set up various e-mail accounts, I was thinking about life, and J and H, and wanted to cry...but didn't..maybe there would be a chance later to talk about it, as we has said we both had the evening free..

Then H rang his mobile and reminded him he was late for a church meeting they were both going to....and so he said, sorry, I thought we'd be done by now, and went. Why didn't he say?

So, time for my solitary dog walk....by the way DC doesn't read my blog, so don't say anything, OK?!!!
.

Scary, scary. scary...

As you know, sometimes Liz, Caroline and I buy each other silly presents....secondhand penguin soap dispensers for one. No, really....mutant giraffes, chocolate of all shapes and sizes..silly pens..it goes on and on...the present buying is sporadic and unpredictable....

At the weekend I suddenly decided to buy some silly things to send through the post to each of them...and they have been on my dining room table ever since. Well, only three days or so, but I must get round to posting them.....imagine my surprise to get home from work tonight, to find not one, but two envelopes waiting, one from Manchester, one from Bristol, and both containing not dissimilar things....silly greetings cards, stationery items..and..well I picked them all up and took them out with me as I was going to meet Rosemarie for a meal out and a catch up gossip. As we were about to have our coffee, I said, oh, look what I have brought to show you, my vibrating cow! (Reaches into bag and brings out small mutant coloured cow that vibrates when you pull its string. Thanks Liz..) Rosemarie nearly chokes on her coffee and looks round the restaurant to see other diners looking very interested. 'Sally,' she hisses, 'Could you say that more quietly..' 'Look' I say, 'pulling its string, do you want a go> have a feel..' Rosemarie puts her head in her hands in despair..I think she has a hangup about vibrators, don't you????

Thank you, thank you...

Thank you to all who have responded to my laptop debate..it's amazing, I have 9 responses, and what I e expected was feedback from pc geeks who would give me techie advice on the pros and cons and get into a real tech debate/..instead there has been a deafening silence on that score, with a largely female response on the emotional side, which is of course, how I will make my decision..and a logical argument consisting of the spooky co-incidence of the verification code saying 'keepit' or something similar. Thanks, that is sooooo helpful......and of course I am so easily swayed by that kind of logic.

Of course DC has no idea that this debate has been going on, so the fact that Liz did not walk up to him at GB tonight and say, 'Oh nice laptop, do you think Sally would like one?' is probably just as well.....

Busy day today, last volunteers training session, so lunch and photos and certificates, then volunteers' supervision followed by a finance meeting followed by personal supervision and support: when asked, 'Are you stressed, any issues to discuss?' strangely I had one.... I had a twenty minute break when I went for a walk, at 6.40 oh there is a world outside the office, then I had my annual appraisal.

I know I shouldn't cos you'll all think I'm egotistical and vain, but it is nice to be told, officially, that I do a good job, that I manage the staff and volunteers well and the scheme is so successful and people are committed because of my character and the way I do things. That is so affirming. I do something right. Oh no, they will all start resigning tomorrow, I have committed the sin of pride...

There is more in life...

Thank you to those who have joined in the lap top debate - I appreciate your support and interest. Just as an update, I kind of want to send it back as per Caroline's advice, but I am tending more to the 'go with the less stress option' of Liz, and keep the damn thing cos it's on my knee as I type. And it looks ok to you, doesn't it???

Anyway, it occurs to me reading back that you would think laptops were all that was going on in my life (sorry, dodgy grammar) but really, I have fitted other things in as well!!!!! Like work, every day, all day, except for Tuesday, but you know all about that, and I got the front bedroom sorted.

Friday was a stressful day at work, just really busy with too many people in the office, and I was feeling crap, mainly I think, from a hot, airless week in a small office, I was feeling muggy and needed to eb out of there! So I left early and met Rosemarie for a swim, which we haven't done in weeks, I only did 12 lengths but the water was cool and gorgeous and my headache bagan to fade. Timing was everything, a quick swim, shower, dress, coffee and chat, (Rosemarie and I have not caught up in weeks, our holidays etc got in the way, so she insists on booking dinner with me on Tuesday evening cos she reckons there is so much gossip to hear - mine not hers - (she should just read my blog!)) then race home, have 20 mins to change into new flowery skirt and pink jacket (hooray, I can get them on!) catch train into London to go to the theatre with Clive, Ian and Jill.

WE go to the Donmar Warehouse, a theatre I absolutely love (oh this laptop can spell!) to see Derek Jacobi in John Mortimer's A Voyage Round My Father. Tis an excellent play, well done: about Mortimer's childhood and his eccentric father - and mother too, played by Joanna David, of course it makes one reflect on one's own childhood....but all that was ok, I only had to breathe hard and not cry at the end when Derek Jacobi as the father died on stage, in his old age, struggling for every last breath, a little too convincing....

Anyway, I held it together and it was a wonderful, wonderful evening, after the play we went out to eat, and amazingly enough I chose a lovely meal!!

Saturday, I had domestic goddess things back on the agenda, in the spirit of sorting the house out, I wanted to take my old mattress down to the tip and replace it with the one that has been leaning against the bedroom wall in Clive's room, it is a new mattress which I bought for James when he moved to Highgate and he never paid me back but since January he has had Hilary's mattress and is keeping it since she is going back to the USA, so I am keeping his, with me so far?

I booked an 'odd job man' with a van big enough for removing mattresses, for 9.30am, he turned up at 9.40am, not too bad for him, and we struggled with the mattress downstairs, into the van and off to the tip. We lugged it out and up the stairs to the big mattress eating machine, lobbed it over the side and watched it get eaten up. Back home, and I and told Van Man to get home to his gardening duties, cos I was off to meet Laura for coffee and buns in St Albans and go Mec birthday shopping, which amazingly took all day! So I had fun in between pc crises.

PS: don't tell David I called the Discovery a van....

Dada! here it is...

This is what he bought: an X60 TV04 Samsung core duo 15.4" widescreen...shiny high resolution screen....cost £1,000. Why the tears? We spent Thursday evening side by side at my dining room table loading all the software. The main problem for me was the high resolution meant the text was crystal clear - but tiny. I just couldn't see it very well, but didn't like to make a fuss. I already had a Bed Feeling.

After DC went home, at 1.30am, very excited about his purchases, I went to bed and continued to try and make sense of it. I chose extra large fonts, I expanded icons, I chose large control bars, everything I could, but still documents were coming up a fraction of the screen size and I couldn't read the text. I even tried going into Accessibility and ticked the 'I am blind' box (they have one, really, I felt embarrassed to tick it, just another feature of getting old - didn't want to admit it to DC cos of course he could see perfectly.

I went to sleep at 2am..waking at 7.30am and trying again. Couldn;t read the ntl home page, or blogs: what was the point of the large screen? Tears started to flow. I felt stupid. Here I was with a laptop I didn't choose (or ask for, but let's not be ungrateful....) which was going to cost me £1,000 and I couldn't f****king see anything, I cried more.

I went to work and wondered what to do. I decided the only thing was to bite the bullet. I took my mobile phone outside, suspecting I would get tearful, and didn't want my team to see. I rang DC who was at home happily chatting to H and transferring files. I explained I couldn't see the text, got very weepy, and he said, 'I thought as much, I was going to ring you later and explain about how to decrease the resolution, that will increase the size of things. I thought you weren't happy.' Now he tells me. But I ask him to investigate returning it just in case.

The situation now is: I reduced the resolution, and yes, documents are larger and so is the text. I can see stuff. But I am not bonding with the machine, I am not sure. I need advice. There is a 7 day returns policy. I have a super duper machine with loads of memory and all sorts. Mec made a face when I said Samsung. When I said widescreen. Shiny. Yuk apparently. I told him the amazing spec, and he said yes, but you don't need that for what you do on a pc. What if I got a good Acer, like the Travelmate I have for work which I like? He says I could get a good one for what I need for about £700.

Should I send it back, save some money? Should I accept I have it now, and get used to it? How do I get into these situations? Why don't I know what I want? Clive just said, keep it, David's paying for it. No, I said, I am. Oh, he said, I thought David was buying it for you. Oh, I wish. So, what should I do? What are the advantages and disadvantages, boys and girls? If you know, or care, and have an opinion either way, please let me know. Of course Mec just thinks I should get a good Mac, no other choice in the world, and buy an Ipod with what I save. Not sure about that, cos I am used to PCs..but I am prepared to keep my options open....

What happened next?

(Bit of information..while DC was in the office, he gave me a sample business card he had produced on the pc -Blue Peter style, 'here is one I made earlier..' and the file on a memory stick so I could find a printer to print us a thousand. Remember this.....)

I got into Hemel and the road I wanted but no industrial estate appeared where it should have. I drove a bit. And a bit more. Ended up in the middle of Hemel and almost out onto the M1. Lost. Now only 30 mins before courier closes....I pulled into a layby and looked at the map on the printed card...(have I mentioned the contact lens saga? No, well I have new lenses, and the vision is a bit of a compromise, and mostly ok but small print is a problem...remember this...) well the map is so tiny I have no chance of reading it or the road names, and of course I never have reading glasses with me...but there is a phone number..I will ring and say where the ***** are you. I ring..it is a recorded system for the courier....a national system...bugger..I press all the right buttons to talk to the right people and then am asked to put in consignment number..I insert it into the key pad..please let me speak to a human...I am then asked for the post code of the delivery address..I insert my office number..the system fails to recognise it, try again..bugger bugger they think DC's house is the delivery address don't they?? Rage and frustration erupts as I realise I don't know DC's bl**dy post code (why would I? I just know where he lvies) so I give up on the phone call, that's wasted 10 mins of my life and time is ticking away.....

I ring DC who has only made it as far as Harpenden and is stuck in traffic. I ask him for the number of the Hemel depot, he panics and can't remember it, he pulls over and starts to open his laptop to search, then suddenly remembers it will be in his phone as he rang them earlier. he gives me the number, I ring and a nice girlie talks me through heading back to Redbourn, and yes I had been on the right road, but the industrial estate isn't off it directly, you turn up a tiny unmarked country lane, Cherry Tree lane, and yes, there it is, so WHY THE f***** DON'T THEY HAVE SIGN TO IT???? Oh yes, writing this blog is bringing the stress back nicely...

I get to the depot, 10 mins before closing and stand in line with my card. Stress is calming, I have made it and all shall be well..I am brought out of my dreams by the sound of Blokey saying, to woman in front, 'Sorry it says clearly on the card, further ID required. Sorry I can't release your parcel.' He indicates a large notice on the wall with the words, 'Driving licence, passport, utility bill required.' Woman in front looks fed up, the trouble is if he refuses me my parcel I will probably kill him...I have one customer space of time to be calm and work out how I blag this. Because blag it I will. I am not leaving without this software.

I have my driving licence but of course it is my name and address, and their deliver address is DC. I have nothing. It is my turn. I hand in the card and Blokey goes out the back to fetch parcel. I remember the home made business card DC produced earlier and have it in my hand ready, together with a long argument of how they have messed up, I have waited in all day for this, I am not leaving , get the manager, do you know who I am etc etc. Blokey comes back with parcel. 'ID please'. I hand over the business card and open my mouth to challenge refusal of parcel, and he says, 'That's fine, it's a business address.' and hands over the parcel. Mouth opens and shuts. Sally leaves before he checks ink isn't quite dry on the home made business card. You know, it shouldn't be that easy..I might complain about the lack of security.....

I ring DC and declare myself the winner..he has made it as far as Luton and is stuck in traffic. I am on my way home, arriving at 6.45pm. David arrives back an hour and a quarter later!!! 8pm!! With laptops.

I am exhausted recounting this story..why on earth don't I just say, 'After a few problems, DC and I have the laptops and software.' Wouldn't that make life much easier? And my blogs less detailed.

Well, I'd like to say 'And they had their laptops and they all lived happily ever after.' But if course, it is not a simple as that...there were tears..if not before bedtime, certainly next morning.....

The laptops saga continued.....

Can't believe some of you are actually interested in this, but I've started, so I'll finish......

N has Thursday off, leaving me and MA in the office, working, and expecting delivery of laptops and software. DC rings about 12.30pm, on his way back from Northampton, to enquire if they have arrived. No. Would I like lunch? Yes. He arrives in the office and I ask MA if she is happy to wait in if we go out. Only polite, since this is a personal delivery and therefore she is doing us a favour. Normally she eats a sandwich in the office (unless I take her out!) but today she says her son is coming to have lunch with her. I agree to be half an hour only, and she can go out on our return.

This arrangement works, except that at 2pm I am due at the Council offices for a meeting about my next year's funding. Groan. I tell MA not to rush her lunch, and tell DC he must babysit the office and wait for laptops. Only fair...so he sits at N's desk working at his own laptop, happily, while I go out. I tell him, as you would small child, not to touch anything, not to answer the phone or the door (unless laptops of course!) til MA gets back. He agrees.

At 4pm I come out of the meeting losing the will to live - small office, hot and humid day and two hours with no air conditioning....and text DC for an update. Not here yet, he replies, shall we put the kettle on?

Good God, I think, he is still in the office, poor MA had a lot of work to do...I race back to find DC happily making three cups of tea, I apologise to MA for having company all afternoon, and say I hope he hasn't been a nuisance, misbehaved or anything (yes, I sound like his mother!!!) and she says, no, it's been nice to have the company and anyway now she knows all about landrover engines...oh dear God......

I declare that as it is now 4.15pm and there is no sign of a delivery, that DC gets on the phone and chases it up - most of our deliveries arrive in the morning, and I have a suspicion something has gone wrong. Good idea, he says, and gets on the phone, and soon I am trying to talk to clients, volunteers etc on my phone will David sits at the next desk having loud 'Do you know who I am?' conversations with stupidlaptopshop.uk..it turns out laptops have been despatched from one place with one carrier, and the laptops from somewhere else with another. Two phone calls later and the awful truth emerges..both carriers have been given the invoice address instead of the delivery address, so they have tried to deliver to DC's home address....cries of 'I don't believe it' and 'gross incompetence' and 'You will pay for this' and 'I want this delivered right now' and more 'Do you know who I am?' fill the air and MA and I stop even trying to work and watch, impressed as DC demands service, compensation, heads will roll...and gets nowhere.

So he gives up and goes home to check for delivery cards, MA goes home for a lie down, and I wait in the office just in case....David comes back with two cards, showing that the software is at a depot in Hemel Hempstead and the laptops up near Bedford.....time is of the essence, so I offer to help, and take the Hemel card (it's nearer) so we synchronise watches and head off to pick up our respective parcels....you'd think it would be simple.....

It's all about consumer choice....

I suppose I had better finish the story..are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. I get a call from DC on his way to somewhere on a train, NY I think, and he says he has researched laptops and found the one that fits exactly his requirements...we were gradually forming a list of 'must haves, which included weight..must not be too heavy, ie preferably under 3kg, and with a biggish high res screen, core duo, etc etc, so at least he had something to go on. He admitted to me that he had done a spreadsheet, with a list of requirements, reasons and comparisons..well, whatever keeps him happy....

I have been thinking for a while of buying my own laptop: I bring the work one home all the time now, for personal use, and would like to take it away to use (ie GB) with a clear conscience. Also all my personal files are on Clive's pc in 'his' office, and my e-mails are on that pc, and we always want to use it at the same time. My own laptop would enable me to have everything in one place, be completely portable, I can put all my music on, and generally be independent. The bonus is that I can afford my own laptop now....

So I said jokingly to DC, maybe he could get a discount for 2: he said he would try. I said no, I wanted to see what he was ordering and I would think about what I wanted from a laptop. He was ordering quite an expensive one!!! and I probably didn't need such a high spec.

Anyway, two minutes later, I get a text saying, 'His and hers company laptops ordered, delivery tomorrow (Thursday.)' Oh. That'll be that then. Hope I like it!! Is someone impetuous or what? I get carried away with the enthusiasm, and become excited, well you know how bad I am at making decisions, at least it is done for me, and I'll have to pay £1,000 for something I've not even seen....

A bit of negotiation goes on re where to deliver, DC is going to Northampton, but someone will be in my office all day, so I agree to take delivery... Quite straight forward one would think, but no.....

Day Off continued....

As breakfast carried on and we talked more, I started to try to explain the exploding computer brain stuff (see my recent blog, No Wonder): the problem is the more I try and talk about it and attempt to make sense of my emotions, thoughts and feelings, and I feel the person listening is trying but not really getting it, I wind myself into a downward spiral of hopelessness, and ended up sitting with my head in my hands in despair. I think after what seems like an hour or more of this, DC was pretty despairing too! The lvoely Caroline rang in the middle of my ranting, but sadly, I decided I couldn't take the call right then. Sorry, babes.

I just kept saying, lets get on with the paperwork, the bank stuff, designing our business cards, I need to snap back to reality or I will never be able to climb out of the hole I am falling into. We get into doing that other stuff, and by the time we are ready to go to the bank, building society, PC W*rld etc, it is 4pm and 5 hours has gone by. 5 hours! What do we find to talk about? I probably took up 2 hours in personal therapy, what a waste, nothing changes and now there won't be time for a trip to the Waffle house for a Bannoffee Waffle and a banana milk shake. My own fault.

After bank and building society stuff, we head to PC W*rld to look at laptops, we go to their business centre where David seems confident they will be able to help us. i think not. Two girlies don't even know how to use the software to search for suitable laptops. They say there is no way to do a comparative product search. They print off a spec for one laptop and I see on the printout a button saying, 'Find similar products.' I point this out and they squeal and go, 'Oooh, where did that button come from, we haven't seen it before.' I show them on the screen and they press it, and lo and behold, a list of comparable laptops. 'Have you had any training on using this system?' I ask wearily. One girl just looks at me and the other giggles in a slightly embarrassed way. We are there for hours and DC still can't make up his mind. So we leave,
armed with print outs and I tell him he must do research on-line on the way up to North Yorkshire again today.

As we are driving home to St Albans, from Stevenage, via Staples in Watford for some photo print paper, I realise it is gone 7pm and we haven't eaten since breakfast. I am quite peckish, so we drive into a McDnlds drive in and get two large vanilla milkshakes. Mmmmm. Thick. Cold.
Satisfying. Driving home, top down, wind in my hair, all in all I have had fun today. Do I have to go to work tomorrow? Really, must I????

I remember a work report I should have done, so work on it from 10pm until midnight, til my eyes are drooping..well I have been awake since half past six!!

One Day Off - not enough....

I could get used to this...I don't have enough time to potter and 'be'... Day Off started with dog going manic at 4am and needing to go out. I took her downstairs, she took her time wandering, came in, had a drink and a biscuit and we went back to bed.

Then Clive came in with a cup of tea, as he usually does (about 7.40am). as I tried to wake up, sit up and look interested, I realised it was only 6.30am, the time he gets up. What??? I say. 'Well, I heard you get up with the dog (4am remember) so I thought you might like an early tea, as you were awake.' Err..no I wasn't, Dur. But as I want to appear grateful I drink my tea and even manage a little conversation to be friendly.

I get up on time, hang out washing, put some more on, and empty book cases in the front bedroom as I am moving them to be on one wall: I dust them and proceed to put all the books back..in alphabetical order. I just lvoe doing that..like with my CD collection. However, I have a dilemma, I like it to look neat, so generally I have books of the same size together. Sorting them alphabetically means the sizes are varied, I am trying to come to terms with this....I even sort a few books (just a few) to take to a charity shop.

Just at the right time (amazingly enough) DC turns up for business meeting and I say, 'Good, I have a job for you upstairs.' 'Oh' he says, eyes lighting up, until he sees it is helping me carry James' (unwanted) chest of drawers upstairs to go against the chimney wall, in place of one of the book cases. Ooh goody, extra storage, and I even hoover and dust a bit more. Clean spare room, available for guests.....

DC has guessed I haven't had breakfast and brings yoghurt and croissants round. Lvoely, I say, and still feeling like a domestic goddess, pop down to the kitchen and make a cafetiere of fresh coffee, and pile a tray with coffee, warm milk, croissants, strawberry jam and lemon curd.

We take the tray into the garden and sit at the lvoley garden table, to enjoy breakfast in the sun, well, under the large sun parasol (once we got it up...) It is all very Country Life. Happily we begin to chat and I open the vanilla yogurt, which, as I peel back the lid, sprays me liberally with the contents, and I sit, yogurt spattered, in my hair, on my arms, and down my chest. DC collapses into a complete heap at the sight, before coming out with the one liner..'Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was that excited!' As I wipe it all off, I say, as I am often heard to say, 'It doesn't happen like this in the films...' Me, sophisticated? Not a chance.

I recommended the lemon curd to David. He tried it. Once he had scraped all the green mould off the top, he said it was very nice. Day off...to be continued...

No wonder....

No wonder I get tired (although I am sleeping really, really well...) no wonder the IBS is back...no wonder making small talk is too much for me, can't be bovvered...my brain is thinking, thinking, thinking all the time. Can't switch it off..about how I feel about life, what is good, what is bad, what can I change, what can I do, how can it be different: sometimes it is ok, sometimes I am happy (ish) sometimes I am full of such pain I cannot describe it..well actually I can describe it, it came to me last night after Kate Rusby, when my stomach was churning and my head felt swimmy with thinking...

I feel like a computer or robot (like HAL) who is programmed with two conflicting instructions which it cannot make sense of because they are not compatible -kind of 'You must' But I can't' 'But you must' 'I know but I can't' until the little robot brain overheats and explodes or spontaneously combusts....that kind of mental pain......

There are no answers, only questions. Sometimes those questions consist of the meaning of life, other times they are of the 'Where is my handbag?' 'Where is my purse?' 'Where is my phone/chair/dinner/ insert anything I probably had it taken this weekend.... nothing to worry about, if you weren't there, let me reassure you that this was fiends (oh sorry, did I miss out the r?) in the pub on Friday night, having fun. Yes, having fun. The best bit was that I got so confused with things disappearing one by one, and then my chair, then once I recovered that, I didn't actually notice that my dinner had gone - I just saw Stuart in complete hysterics, and crying, and me going 'What?' and them saying, are you missing anything? and me saying No..then someone saying, 'Finish your dinner' and going..b*St*rds.

I have so many lovely friends at the ops weekend, it is such a joy and privilege to meet up with them. (Pause..only I could finish one para with B*St*rds, then begin writing the next in complete sincerity and not see the irony......)

But I do mean it. I lvoe you and love spending time with you all.....and tomorrow, yes tomorrow, I will take the day off, as a training course I was going on has been cancelled..I will potter, hang washing out, tidy a bit and look for things I have lost, but also hopefully, have a Board meeting with my fellow SAND director..and maybe have a trip to PC world,..or Office World for supplies..oh joy oh rapture. may be look for company laptops.....

He went on his first business trip today as an employee of SAND Consulting. I rang him on the train and told him he could no longer travel 1st class, (unless I go too) and had to have a sandwich instead of the full 1st class buffet car three course meal on expenses. Hah. Welcome to the real world, pal.

Warm and sleepy...

That's me this bright, sunny, Monday morning. Back home from GB Ops weekend at 6.15pm (how did lunch go on so long???) and out by 7pm to go see Kate Rusby at the Albans Arena. Was a lvoley way to end the weekend..when i got home I was sooooooooo tired I was in bed and asleep in minutes.....more later..oh do I really have to get up and go to work now? A day off to myself, to potter about, lie in the sun and recover would be another great way to end the weekend..oh no, Monday, volunteers' training day, got to get up and go train some people.....zzzzzzzzzz