Spread those wings and learn to fly..please...

I was undressed and about to get into bed when the phone rang. The house phone ringing when the house is in darkness always sounds worrying. I go and answer it. It is Laura. It is 11pm.


'Hi, mum, are you in bed?' 'Sort of, almost, why?' 'Um, is dad in bed? Is he asleep?' 'Yes, why?' 'There's a pigeon on my fridge.' 'Oh'. (Voice gets wobbly...) ''It's a big pigeon, honest I've only had a bit to drink and he is real, and there is pigeon poo everywhere, and Mec is in London, and I don't like it...' 'Ok, I'll come round.' 'Thanks, mum.'


I dress and drive round giggling all the way at the silliness of it...Laa is trapped in the lounge with Pidg taking pride of place in the kitchen, and yes, there is a large amount of poo all over the place. I go into the kitchen and take charge, opening door and window and encouraging movement with a pair of oven gloves. That gives me an idea.....


Suddenly the Pidg takes off and flaps towards me, and it is very big with large claws and a long, sharp beak, and suddenly I am crouching with the oven gloves wrapped round my head, making strange noises, and Laa is doubled up laughing at me, saying, see, you are as scared as me....


It's not that I'm scared but it is big and it flaps and flies about, and between us we get it from fridge to cupboard, to vase of flowers, to ironing board, to cooker, to edge of casserole dish..'go on, hop in, little pidg'...to anywhere but open window and door.


Mec has been summoned from pub in London, where he is a little bit drunk and laughing at the pigeon predicament. I get braver and attempt to get close and pick up said bird with oven gloves, but it always stays out of reach, that little bit too high...We are still trying when Mec arrives home, walks in, reaches up to the cupboard, picks up the Pidg, and with a flurry of feathers and a bit more poo he is out the window, he banged his head a bit on the way out but Mec did say sorry...


Soon he flew away and I left Mec the Hero making tea, Laa clearing up poo, and I came back to bed..oh , did I mention that I kept taking pictures just for you....
Pidg on cupboard... Pidg on flowers... Pidg on Fridge.... bless.

End of Day One....

and it looks like this.....














....we had better start thinking about what we want to do now...

Knowing that the builders would be working up one end of the kitchen, I happily moved a lot of 'stuff'' up the other end, to the kitchen table. But it's funny how dust and rubble can travel that extra couple of feet..who'd have thought....

When removing the cupboard that was in the middle of the kitchen, the builders found a tin of Whiskas stamped 1989 under 19 year's supply of plastic bags (waste not want not....) and the cat's been dead 10 years at least...

Gave me an excuse to get Clvie to call in and get a take away on the way home..can I get away with not cooking for the next six months I wonder???

The end of an era.....

When we first looked at this house, more than 19 years ago, it was quite big, and had a lvoely garden, and big kitchen, which had been extended outwards and sideways - but they left the corner of the house there, in the middle of the kitchen, well, in front of the sink to be precise....and the units were horrible, dark mahogany, which I hate, and the sink was on one side of the kitchen, behind the pillar, and the fridge and hob and oven were on the other side, behind the kitchen table, so you couldn't actually get at them if anyone was sitting there, (I have thoughtfully got up and taken pictures this morning to show you) and you had to cross the kitchen with sauce pans full of boiling water, or scalding dishes from the oven, cos there was no where to put them down.....

But it's big and light with french windows on to the garden, and most people who see it for the first time say, 'Oh, what a lvoely kitchen...' but they don't actually have to cook in it....and although that day we decided to cripple ourselves and buy the house, I said I don't like the kitchen, and Clvie said, don't worry, I can change that.....and I was always told the pillar had to stay as it was holding up the house, and we didn't have the money to do up the kitchen, and Clvie has spent 19 years saying, 'What's wrong with it?' as he has mended draws and doors to stop them falling off, and put odd bits of lino that don't match into the floor where the dog scratched it...and it is scruffy and horrible and I still hate it....

Well, plans have been afoot, and I am squandering my inheritance, not on wild women and song (ooh, the very idea, well, not wild women but the odd song) but on Doing My Kitchen. My kitchen. My money. And the first thing to happen, this very morning they are going to start (oh, bloody hell, I'd better get up, they will be here in a minute) and the builders arrive to prepare to Take Down the Pillar. Then plans will be made for a new kitchen. After 19 years of walking round the pillar, and there only being room for one person at the sink...(what's wrong with that? said the builder, as long as there's room for you, I don't see the problem....good job he is a friend.....)

So, better get up and get ready...it will be a bit of a shock for Sophie dog, her basket is under the worktop joined on to the pillar......

And more freedom....

Sunday dawned rainy so I stayed in bed reading, then spent time tidying (always needed!) and sorting out some clothes..I now have stuff in three wardrobes, let's be honest, I have too many clothes and probably wear 10% of what I have, most of it being too small for me!!! But one day....

I spent the morning pottering, listening to radio 2..but Steve Wright's Sunday Love Songs suddenly got to me, all that love and devotion, couldn't hack it any more so turned to my i-tunes...aah, that's better....I pottered, played on my laptop, did e-mails, did some work, did some ironing, listening to music I lvoe and ok, I admit it, doing some thinking about life, you can't help it, can you?

When I got the text from Rosemarie about 1pm inviting me to go for a swim, I thought, can I be bothered..but yes, I can, getting out will do me good, I am reaching the slightly tearful stage of thinking too much.....swimming will be good. I did another 20 lengths, and Rosemarie helpfully pointed out that these two recent visits has meant the average cost of a swim for me is going down from £100 to at least £70..ok, ok, I ought to go more often, I admit it... We had a coffee and a good gossip, and I talked about my total split personality....sometimes I am not sure who I am...

For instance, if someone you love and are close to and you try to help with stress and all that is going on their life, and they say thank you, but can I have some space to sort myself out please, I'll be back....I have two distinct reactions in my head..one is the What would Jesus do kind of thought? Give the person space, as long as they want, and when they return, you hold out your arms (metaphorically speaking) and smile lvoeingly and say, that's ok, I am here for you whenever you need me..that's one way...but the other way that's in my head is the horns sprouting out of head, eyes flashing red, flames out of mouth response of 'Glad you're sorted, now f*ck off, not interested any more,' kind of response..which is not quite so lvoing and caring, is it?

Or do you think there is a middle way?

Anyway, did more ironing, more e-mailing, made Clvie a cup of tea when he came home, before cooking and sleeping through Coast, what a lovely relaxing programme....

And thought, weekend of freedom over...the thing is...the reason for all his work is that he has, at last, sold the business, or will have by the end of the month, and will then be home..well, all the time...that will be a Big Change, won't it boys and girls????

Freedom.....freedom?

A weekend of freedom..what does that mean? It means Clvie was working all weekend and I had two whole days on my own, being accountable to no-one, doing exactly what I wanted, when I wanted. For some people this is a regular thing, for others, it is unimaginable. I guess it might also be viewed several ways, according to your own particular standpoint - it might sound very lonely and sad, or it might be the most wonderful opportunity!!!

I actually like it: I am happy in my own company and my own space, but am aware I often rush to fill any free time in my enthusiasm to do lots, see friends, and suddenly the space is all used up. I felt I needed to take my time and have time on my own, and also get stuff done.

Saturday started slowly, mind you I got tea in bed at 7.15am when Clive left, so I was awake quite early....wrote a blog, did e-mails, leisurely got up, met Jill, walked the doggies, had coffee and croissants with a friend who popped round (bringing the croissants, how thoughtful) but the conversation that accompanied it was a bit soul searching and not easy...left me a bit upset but also ok if you see what I mean....

After a few domestic activities such as putting washing on, I left for London to go and help James move some stuff into Amy's flat. They are moving in together while they look for somewhere to buy. He is leaving a lvoely flat surrounded by trees near Highgate, to where Amy lives, deeper into London in an area with not a leaf in sight! So mixed feelings....and where will they afford to buy??? A time of change...

Moving was relaxed and friendly, and we ended up back in Highgate where we sat in a lvoely old pub all evening, chatting and eating, a really nice relaxing time, good to get to know Amy better and see James happy after a few turbulent years...

I drove home later than intended, but hey, that's fine, watched a bit of Glastonbury and headed for bed.

Goodness, what a week.....

Sunday, Father's Day, children here, mother in law here: evening, working on festival stuff in lieu of Friday (see caravan site flood blog):

Monday, family visits, mothers, children, disability, special needs, coping, not coping, needing more: afternoon, one of those meetings, partnership, working together, best interests of the child, blah blah blah, Sally, what do you think? Um..oh go for it...well, we sit in these meetings, but still parents struggle, no physio for months, no speech therapy for months, shortage of social workers, shortage of health visitors, my service is all they have, and I can't do enough..oops have I spoken out of turn???

Monday evening a trip to Chelmsford for a festival meeting, hopefully a visit to a kitchen showroom beforehand..no M25, M11 sh*tty, takes 2 hours, showroom closed..still a good meeting, and time for some pasta afterwards...yum...

Tuesday, write minutes and do e-mails from 7am, attending training in the morning, organising the venue, giving the training in the afternoon, protecting children, encouraging volunteers, before leaving for Hungerford and a difficult meeting re another festival, people to be managed, hard words to be said: let me do it, he said, it was like watching them be mauled by a small kitten: frustrating, hey mr nice guy, sometimes you have to be hard....back home through driving rain (not speaking, what's new...) to a shoe party given by a friend for my charity...sorry Liz, I bought two pairs:

Wednesday, a work meeting with colleagues from other schemes, the time we meet informally and share anything, and much laughter ensues..together with much political incorrectness..sometimes we just have to.... in the evening, a meal out with a group of volunteers and staff, I put my card behind the bar...they all drink fruit juice or water, think I can run to that..I entertain my volunteers as required and appear to be the butt of all jokes....

Thursday up early and go to a conference put the display stand up, greet colleagues, go to hear the speakers, attend the workshops, 'man' the stand, meet and greet, sell the service, pack up the stand, back to the office, do some work, drive home..first night in all week..Clvie is working late...I eat biscuits, drink tea, lie in the bath, walk the dog, cook the dinner, lie on the sofa and sleep through 'Coast': go to bed and stay up late 'talking' on msn to friend with new mac....

Friday up later, visit a family, hear about life with disabled child, see total devotion and commitment, hear about the court case, the marriage problems, and as I leave I get a hug for listening...the volunteer has been supporting for 2 years and is an angel....

Decide to leave the office early, meet Rosemarie and go swimming, 22 lengths without stopping, a record, where am I getting this energy from...go home for a conference call, takes an hour, then go to pub to meet V for a drink and we talk for two hours (she was my bereavement counsellor, now friend) I buy pizzas on the way home, curl up on the sofa and watch Glastonbury..you know, life is ok after all....

Severe weather warning...part two

So there we were, five pm promptly, quite a shock really, but DC meant business, we were going to get loads done, so there we were, at my dining room table, matching laptops side by side, files out at the ready, my new fax/printer/scanner connected to my laptop ready to go, a list of actions and....after a couple of hours Things Would be Done..Stress Would be Lessened...sounds like a plan.....

Anyway, as Dc is setting up, I go into the kitchen to put the kettle on and fetch the plain chocolate digestives...no meeting is complete without them..DC's phone rings..it's North Yorkshire number (where he based all week) and he says, no, that's the third time someone has tried to ring him from there in the last hour, but no, he's not going to answer, they can wait, he will focus on the Important Work we have to do here....

While I am pouring the tea I hear his phone bleep with a text....then I hear a shocked voice say a rather rude word, then silence....I freeze, with a sense of foreboding..what on earth has someone texted....I go in to the dining room with tea and he is staring at his phone. He hands it to me, and I read:

'Urgent. Caravan site flooding. Caravan needs moving immediately.'

We stare at it. Is this a joke?? Someone having a 'laugh?' It's the middle of June and the sun was shining on a lvoely dry field when he left on Wednesday evening....

A phone call to the site confirms the awful truth, and yes, they have called him three times in the last hour...the river has burst its banks and his caravan is next to it (such a pretty spot he picked to live during the week..) and is at risk of being swept away....

So DC, having left the keys with the site owners the first week, realised he didn't this week, and there is a security lock on the towing hitch and a wheel clamp on one of the wheels...does he need to come now with the keys? Oh yes, they say.

So he abandon laptop and files and jumps in the landy and drives very fast northwards....and I remember the severe weather warning I heard....

He only gets as far as Stevenage (not far) when they ring to say the water is up to the caravan door (18") and rising, can they take steps to move it whatever the risk of damage? Yes, says DC, thinking, we only bought this three weeks ago and it cost a lot of money and it seemed a good idea at the time...

So when he gets there, he discovers the caravan, safely on a bit of dry concrete, having been dragged off using a wire hawser wrapped round the towing hitch, and pulled, wheel clamp and all, out of the water and to safety.

When he rings me, at gone 11.30pm to tell me all is well but that the river has risen 15' !!!! (what took you so long, did you get there ok, have you had to do much?) (answer: no, I got here by 9.30pm and moved the caravan to a better space, but have been drinking whisky with the guys to say thank you.....) I did ask if anyone had taken pictures of the dramatic rescue? No, says DC they were busy getting 100 plus holiday makers off the site and rescuing my caravan, and avoiding drowning, why would they stop to take pictures? Oh, I say, a bit disappointed, I wanted some for my blog.....

Next morning I text at 8.30am asking politely for a couple of pics if he wouldn't be so kind...oh yes, he says, I will get up and go outside specially....no trouble...and I was rewarded with these wonderful photos of a very large lake where once was a caravan site....

This is the best one..can you see, in front of the line of hedges, slightly towards the left of the picture, a lampost sticking up out of the water? You can see its reflection in the lake?? Well, between that lampost and the trees on the right, was parked a caravan, until very recently....

Stormy weather..part one...

...I heard it on the radio..severe weather warning in the north west...didn't apply to me....didn't think much, except it had really, really, rained here yesterday too....anyway, the events of the last couple of days had kept us busy..me and DC going to Swindon for a S*gar Hill Festival meeting..things not going so well, a lot of work, people to manage, problems to deal with, it's been time consuming...

Anyway, we had a conversation on the way, about life, how much there is to do, how DC had 420 unread e-mails, how mad e-mailing has got....and I talked about being realistic about how much to take on, how to say no occasionally, and a few other home truths that didn't go down very well.....

To break the slightly awkward silence that then ensued I reminded DC that we needed to detour to Cheltenham if possible to pick up the mended tyre that got a hole in at the last festival cos I reversed the landy over a sharp piece of broken pipe on the racecourse, but it wasn't my fault, DC had reversed the landy there in the first place, not my fault I then drove over the pipe..my reminder was rewarded with a 'for f*ck's sake' very loudly..not sure what I said wrong..I said we don't have time now but after the meeting...then I got, 'I've got the wrong f*cking car!' with venom...we were in the Other Car (you know, in 'My other car's an Audi type of way...), I didn't realise he meant to bring the landy so the man could actually put the tyre back on....

The way he shouted and swore made me feel it was my fault, he doesn't lose his temper very often, the last time was when we missed the ferry to Iona, and that was horrible and he shouted and swore and I cried and walked off....well this time I felt the unfairness of it all, and so I sniffed a bit and got the hump, and he said, 'I'm not shouting at you, I'm cross with myself,' and I sniffed more and looked out of the window...there we were having the classic husband and wife row and we are not, and I don't need this from a good friend and business partner.....

Anyway, we did the meeting and were civil then after over a drink and a good meal in a pub we were friends again - we usually are! - and we talked about the stress, and how we haven't made our Monday evening weekly business meetings for while now, what with Bank Holidays and other stuff, so I suggested Friday evening, straight after work, 5pm til 7pm so it didn't take up the evening, to crack on and get some work done, that will take the stress off and get the actions done for the Other Festival Meeting we have on Monday, and also leave DC free over the weekend to deal with the 500 plus e-mails which will by then be siting in his in-box....

So that's a plan then.....

Two years ago today.....

..my dad died. We always thought of him as a cross between Cliff Michelmore and Harry Worth...(if you have to ask, you're too young....)

Two years on, I don't think of them every day any more. When I do, it's ok. The last time I cried? That's easy...on the morning after Laa's wedding, driving back from the hotel to home, on my own with my thoughts for twenty minutes. I thought about the wedding. About mum and dad not being there..and I tried to share it with them..to tell them their lvoely grand-daughter was happy, how beautiful she ahd looked, how proud they would have been....and I cried buckets (not advisable when driving down the A1, but hey..)..by the time I reached home and family I was ok again, composed...no-one knew.....

No-one knew about today, it's my special time to think about him. Now I can think about both of them with a bit more distance, remember them as they were before the awful last couple of years....

It's two years on. I am doing ok, I've 'moved on' as they say. But dad, awkward b*gger that you were, I lvoed you. And I've still got your glasses.....

I'm on my way to Wembley....

..at least I was, last Saturday. And this is what it looked like: as you can see, I was a long, long way back. In the back row as a matter of fact. Top tier, back row. Block 552, row 40, seat 371. Climbing up the steep steps to the top did nothing for my poor knees, I had to keep stopping to admire the view...once I was there, that was it, there would be no 'popping down' at the interval for a drink or a pee....but I took comfort in the fact that others, having reached the top, also looked in need of oxygen....

I didn't know what a big deal it was, me going to this concert. No idea. When friend Jill said, I've got s spare ticket for George Michael (for it is he..that small person centre stage...), do you want to come? I thought, oh, it's the final of Joseph, I'll miss it..but then I decided, yes, I'm up for an evening with GM, and a trip to Wembley, you only live once, etc etc....

I didn't realise, until later, that this was the first live gig at the new stadium! And it was his 25th anniversary gig: a whole 25 years since he played there with Wham! The Final Tour. Judging from the reaction when he mentioned this, a lot of people had been there too....

The stadium is squeaky clean and lvoely..more stewards, SIA guys and Response Teams than I have ever seen, but they were all friendly, helpful and lvoely..event he SIA guy who stepped in to avert the conflict situation which was obviously brewing when I paid £1.80 for a bottle of water and the guy wouldn't let me keep the cap...so yes, I argued..if I pay £1.80 for a bottle of water I want to put it in my bag and drink some later, so Give Me the Cap....no, against the rules....the Sia man took me to one side and said, 'Is there a problem ladies?' in his best SIA trained manner...and then explained to me, it's the fault of the police, they won't allow caps on bottles, cos some people, some nasty people, would fill the bottles with stuff I was far too nice a lady to know about, and use it as a missile and hurl it at the stage...oh that's ok then.

Later Jill bought a bottle of water from a different stand and the guy selling had obviously missed the training session on caps and bottles, let her keep hers on..we grabbed the bottle and ran like naughty school girls who had won a small but important victory..I was planning what I could fill the bottle with and throw it.....

The concert was good fun...the second half was televised so you may even have seen it! The boppy, hoppy, clap along stuff was ok, but a bit samey...Freedom was good..but when he sat on his little stool centre stage (pictured) and sang Jesus to a Child and Careless Whisper..well, that was what I came for really...

And Liz, he didn't fall asleep at the mic once.....

After, my son rang me, absolutely amazed that I had been at GM at the new Wembley Stadium, and I hadn't told him: wow, he was so impressed: now of all the things I do to try and impress my kids, this wasn't one of them: but I have dropped the fact that I was there into numerous casual conversations this week, and it has given me kudos around here, believe me....

Goodnight Wembley.. as 60,000 people wend their way to the tube station, slowly and safely, looked after by friendly stewards and horse mounted police...we made it.....

The First Festival of the Year....

Wychwood, beginning of June. First festival of the year..for me anyway. Third year....the first two years, it was small, just a couple of thousand people....actually didn't do a lot of work, a small team ran the front desk which was quiet as a mouse, and I got to see a lot of the festival and hear lots of good music.

This year, the festival grew to 5,000 and was much busier...the production desk was still very manageable, but those of us there to 'help out' got drawn into various other tasks....now would you want to buy a drink off either of thse guys...??











I got to do a two hour shift pulling pints - it was fun and a first!!! I didn't know what drink was what, what went with what, and if someone said, 'What ale do you recommend?' well......totally the wrong person!!!!! But people were kind and smiley as I learned to pull my first few pints, and I was soon doing it like a pro...sort of....I was suppsoed to do a five hour shift, but I managed to be let off after two hours..what with all the other work and miles of walking around the festival, my feet had had enough....

I went to see the Levellers, missed some by having to pull pints, then missed the rest by being called away to an emergency....on Sunday afternoon, took George to see Shooglenifty..magic...she tried to look as if she was enjoying herself, honest, but when I got called away to work she was only too happy to come too...saw Badly Drawn Boy, really liked him, bought the CD..in fact I DC and I went shopping and bought far too many CDs.....

Managed to lie on the warm grass in the sun on Sunday afternoon and catch the entire Eliza Carthy set..wonderful...and in the evening, saw the Afro Celt Sound System..wonderful, wonderful..I really, really wanted to dance, and join in, but my back, legs and feet by then would not allow it....

Enjoyed the weekend, but came back with a lot of thinking to do after various conversations with various people, including themes like..you should be more pushy..you should be more assertive..and the best, when someone had totally ignored me twice when introducing a colleague to another person and I was stood there too....(someone I know well..) the first time I said nothing, the second, I said (pushily and assertively but nicely..) 'I am here too.' 'Oh sorry' he said, 'But your colleague is so confident and cocky that you get overlooked.'

Now is that my problem or someone else's problem? I don't get overlooked in other areas of my life. I am not exactly invisible. I am not a shrinking violet. In work I am looked up to, respected, listened to, I am chatty, extrovert, confident as I run training courses, supervise volunteers..I have had to take myself into a corner and remind myself of who I am..when I recount the incident to friends, their response has been...this is not your problem..the other person is simply rude.

I don't want to get into competition with my friends for attention..but interestingly, the friend in question, cocky and confident, no names of course...did some work at the festival but not as much as me...actually went home for half of the festival and so wasn't actually there...on Sunday evening I was amused to witness quite a few people...well men, let's face it, come up to him, shake him warmly by the hand and thank him for all his hard work. And he lapped it up. I stood by and thought..well, you can get by with doing b*gger all (slight exaggeration) and not being there if when you are there, you are a cocky b*stard.....good job I am not a sensitive person isn't it?

Sorry, I said I wouldn't post angst ridden stuff......but it's interesting, isn't it?

Reason not to blog..number 132....

Thank you all for your concern and noticing my absence. Where have I been and why no blogs?


There is no one reason, rather a mixture.....before the wedding I had been quite depressed and had a lot of thigns going on, but really had to focus on the Big Day..which I did quite well...as one would expect, after, there is a bit of a low, but also a great deal of tiredness, and I just needed space and time, and..well, if you have nothing to say...lots of complex thoughts and feelings, a bit sad for someone my age I know....you would think I would be a bit more sorted, but no..and I didn't want to write endless depressing angst ridden blogs..sorry to disappoint....


I have also been as busy, if not more busy than I have been in a while: not long before Laura's wedding I took on the Admin for another festival which happens in September (more later) and there has been more work than I anticiapted! So instead of my laptop being my early morning and late night blog companion, it has instead been used for endless e-mails, minutes of meetings, chasing people, yes, actual work, which, trying to do it around a full time job has been taxing and tiring..but has also kept me busy which is probably a good thing....


So here I am back...will blog about the other stuff I have been up to..with pictures..real soon. Thank you for your love and patience....

And I made a speech too!!

I promise this is the final post about the wedding...I know I have spread The Day across several posts, but it has been good for me to think and reflect back on it and share it with you - makes me appreciate what a lovely day it was, full of memories.....


We did the speeches before the meal, as is the modern way now, so that pre-speech nerves don't spoil the day for the speakers, and they can relax and enjoy their meal.


Clive began as Father of the Bride, very nervous, as he is not a natural public speaker...but as he confidently told everyone Laura had burst into our lives with a bang (yes, I exploded...) on Guy Fawkes night 1986..Laura interrupted to correct him with, 'It was 1980 dad...' which, as you can imagine, brought the house down....


Mec was next, reading from his note cards and telling everyone he was a crap speech write and giver..but he was actually very good....(I digress..a few months ago he had been at our house talking to Amy, James' girlfriend, and I was stunned to overhear him telling her that the one thing she needed to know about our family was that we ate a lot of broccoli, and she had better get a liking for it, cos it's practically all we eat. Apparently he used to hate it, but he has got used to it now.....I was amazed that of all the wonderful things he could have told her about our family, that was it......)


Anyway, blow me, during his speech he thanked me and Clive for welcoming him into the family...and he told the broccoli story, which made everyone laugh...he set it up beautifully..so when the waitress approached the top table with Mec's dinner, and another waitress followed behind carrying a plate covered with a napkin, I was able to share what I thought would be a private joke I had set up..I stood, banged my knife on my glass for attention, and announced, 'Ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to welcome Mec into the family with his own personal plate of broccoli.' There was a round of applause and Mec was speechless to have a whole plate of broccoli set before him!!!!


Boz, the best man, gave an excellent speech, telling the two very amusing stories of how Mec first met Laura, and then the story of his proposal to her in New York..before telling them they were obviously crazy about each other, made for each other, and wished them love and life long happiness...


I smiled all day, I was happy all day, until the lights dimmed and Laa and Mec stepped on to the floor to begin the First Dance...then I was suddenly really choked, and after a few moments, had to slip out and have a cry..outside I found my brother's son, a lvoely young man, only 22...when he saw me he gave me a huge, huge hug, and said he couldn't believe that the little tom-boy cousin he used to play with was all grown up and married...him and me both....

For better, for worse.....

I started off quite well...having a few photos taken, moving around, chatting to people, commenting on how lucky we were with the weather (ie it was not raining), sipping my champagne, which I have probably never drunk before...of all the drinks I hate as a tee-totaller, champagne scores high on the 'ugh' stakes, being very fizzy, which I really dislike, as well as the taste..anyway, I persevered, and because I have had just a little practice, working on my alcohol tolerance, I managed to sip it and it wasn't too bad....

But after a few minutes, the excitement of the day, the fact that I hadn't eaten since my coffee and pastry at 11am..and the fact that I really don't drink and it doesn't take much..suddenly I wasn't sure which way was up, the world was turning, I had the desire to giggle uncontrollably...and the soft, wet grass really did become a problem..my heels were sinking deep into the ground, and I was struggling not to fall over....

My family have never seen me like this, and were both shocked and amused...a little voice inside kept telling me not to let my daughter down..so many people here would only meet me this once, and think I was a lush..can you imagine, all these people whispering, 'Look at the Bride's Mother..she's drunk!!' and looking with disapproval....at that moment I was invited back inside to tell the Priory the order of seating at the top table..Clive had to help me up the steps and across the length of the barn..when I came out, James helped me back down the steps, and I was told after what 'good entertainment value' I was, by DC and the GB staff, coming down the steps with intense concentration on my face, hanging on to my hat and then giggling with delight when I made it to the bottom....

I was vaguely aware of various people following me around taking photos...I know they will pop up to haunt me....kind friends took it in turns to hold me up..James, I think, removed my champagne glass from my hands I hadn't even finished one glass, so unfair..) and told me firmly to stick to the orange juice. I agreed. I didn't want to embarrass my family. (Go on, say it......)

By the time we were called in to the Wedding Breakfast, I had not only sobered up but had one hell of a hangover and a throbbing headache. People around me were moving wine glasses and bottles out of my reach, but they needn't have worried. I had Learned My Lesson. I stuck to water, and loads of it, tucked in to my dinner and was soon feeling as right as rain. Never again.....

To have and to hold...

I realise that this is my fifth blog on the subject and I haven't even got round to the actual wedding ceremony! Oh well, no-one can accuse of me of not keeping a storyline going....

As Laura got out of the car, it was time for me and James to take our seats on the front row: going into the barn from the sunlight was like heading into the night: the 16th century renovated barn had no natural light and was lit with lamps and candles..it looked beautiful. The music had stopped, the whole place was silent as my heels clicked on the natural stone floor: walking through the rows, quiet with anticipation I arrived at the front row and took my place next to Clive's mother. I smiled. She looked back at me, face tight, lips pursed like a dog's bottom. 'It's not the same without an organ playing.' Aah. There's the rub. We are not in church.

Suddenly the air is filled with the sound of Pachelbel's Canon, one of Laura's favourite pieces of classical music, and the bridesmaids precede her down the isle. As the bride walks in, I look at Mec's face as he turns to look, and as expected, his face lights up when he sees her. She climbs the couple of steps to join him on the stage, on which Laura has earlier sprinkled cream rose petals.

I take in every minute of the short service, led by a sensible, kind lady registrar, the two readings and the vows taken by the couple: while the register is signed

we hear Heartbeat by Jose Gonzalez....my mother-in-law's mouth pursesd a little tighter. As the marriage certificate is presented, I check my

watch, and yes, the whole service has taken only 15 minutes. I can't believe my daughter is married, it is over so quickly: no prayers, hymns or address....but married she is, and the happy couple, still smiling, start back down the aisle as Stevie Wonder's Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours' hits the air and the congregation (audience?) breaks out into applause. Clvie turns and follows the couple out with Mec's mum, and I join arms with Graeme, his stand-in dad who I have never met before! We introduce oursleves as we walk down the aisle together, and we reach the champagne table, complete with glasses of champagne with a raspberry floating in each one, just as Laura had requested.

I take a glass of champagne and step out into the sunshine.

The Wedding Day continued.....

Sorry I haven't posted in a while..I have been so busy this week and so tired!! Lots of early nights when I usually sit up late writing my blog....

Anyway, I had better finish the story of the wedding..as much for my benefit as yours, as I will print this off one day (like my first blog was printed to use as evidence against me in That tribunal....at least I have got it to read when I am old....oh ok then, older.....) I will print this off and hide it then when I am gone to that Blog in the sky, my kiddlies will read this and discover they didn't really know their mother at all..a bit like the Bridges of Madison County....more like The Coffee Shops of St Albans...ok, I'll work on the title.....

Anyway...where was I..oh yes, photographer gone lunch over (bananas eaten, except I didn't have one....I'll regret that later.....) there was a bit of a panic as the nice florist lady popped in to say she had been up to deliver flowers and on her way back she saw a nasty accident on our side of the A1 and all was at a complete standstill...aah..and Friday traffic is bad at the best of times...the bridegroom was ringing saying they were going a long way round and trying to tell me the way....but then..bless, Amy's boyfriend, he of the ribbon assisting, (see earlier blog) had come back and picked up our bags and driven up to the hotel near the venue to book in for us (I had to get ready for my daughter's wedding and think what I needed for an overnight bag as well..you can imagine how hard that was...) and he then came back to St Albans and discovered that if we joined the Al a bit higher up there was no problem.....

So time to get into the cars..we all helped Laa into Clive's classic Saab, (see pics on earlier blog) and Craig took his place to drive behind in case of emergency...Wedding Tip no 1: every wedding should have someone like Craig who has no official job but is a willing gopher, helping with ribbons, driving bags to hotels, following ancient bridal car..he was a star....and as he has just joined the Met, Clive and Laa had their own personal police escort.....

They waited while I got the bridesmaids into the back of my immaculate car, then, red hat on front seat, I set off to drive us to the venue. Driving up the Al, I could see the Saab in the distance in the rear view mirror, ribbons fluttering, and I thought, 'This is it. Planned for, timed, thought about, dreamed about..now it's happening....'

(Laura had sent an e-mail earlier in the week with a timetable for everyone, to the minute, it was wonderful....so organised....)

We arrived at the Priory in plenty of time, the A1 was surprisingly clear..only because everyone was stuck at Hatfield cos of the accident, we joined an empty road....as is human nature you think, 'Thank God none of us were involved in that,' but then felt guilty and also offered up a prayer for those who were....

Once out of the car I stuck my hat on my head....no ceremony, no mirrors, just hoped for the best!! Now it seemed real, lots of people in their best clothes standing around talking, and people coming up to me and hugging me and saying, 'You look fab' which did wonders for the confidence...now that I was here and it was really happening I was smiling and smiling....and then here was the wedding car, with a smiling and happy Laura getting out, ready to be married.....

Here is a pic someone captured of Laura walking down the aisle:

The Big Day

We were lucky that Friday dawned warm and sunny, despite the appalling weather which had carried on right through Thursday....I was awake early and went downstairs to make Laura breakfast, when a dressing gowned figure and little excited face peeped round the kitchen door... 'I can't sleep....'

We went back up to bed, and shared breakfast while Laura opened some cards, and a small wedding gift I had bought her, a silver necklace, to commemorate the Big Day. The sun poured in the window, we were relaxed and excited....

Just before 9am Laa and I headed off to our respective hair dressers, and met up again suitably coiffured..mine in my usual bob, but nicely done! And Laa with her hair up: out only worry was the wind which was rather strong....

Arriving back home we found the only job we had left Clive and James - putting the bows and ribbons on our two cars - had not been done. Men! I suggested to James that they did it, he got a little shirty at the criticism, and vanished to pick up his girlfriend from the station, and hence to Mec's house for photographs. Laura wanted me and her to do the ribbon, but it was too windy and I didn't want her hair ruined, and why should she??? I got Clive outside, and we appeared to disagree with how to do the whole ribbon thing, with him cutting it when it didn't need it, then the bit was too short to make a good bow...I thought I would probably end up killing him, when bridesmaid Amy arrived, driven by boyfriend, who was immediately handed ribbon, bows, and scissors and told to help.

I vanished inside, to meet up with bridesmaids Amy and Rachel, and all us girlies had a break with coffee, bucks fizz and pain au chocolate....(only I had the coffee.....)

After that it was time to go upstairs and get ready: from my room, whilst putting on the red outfit, I could hear the chatter and laughter coming from Laura's room as the girls got ready...everything felt relaxed and happy....

Within minutes the photographer was here, with his fun female Russian assistant who came and helped direct in Laa's room, taking pics of us all getting her ready: good job it is a fairly large room!!!

After that we were all out in the garden - in the sunshine! - having pics taken, and the photographer commented on how we were all ready, no panic, no stress, and we were all having fun. I was just overwhelmed at how beautiful Laura looked: couldn't take my eyes off her.....

Clive and I were directed for a photo together, holding hands, and looking into each other's eyes....'Not used to doing this' or similar was Clive's comment: Russian lady told me to pinch his bum to make him smile...oh dear....

There was a short time left: did anyone want lunch? No, but I managed to persuade all to have banana each to keep them going......

Altho I cleaned and tidied every room to within an inch of its life, the photographer only went in Laa's bedroom and the garden. But how nice to enjoy a spotless house - my bedroom has never been so tidy! It actually added to the enjoyment of the day. I swear I will keep it like this for ever!!!!!

I will save stories of the rest of the day for another blog..but I will add one more pic..by popular request...here it is:

More about the wedding....

I have not blogged much recently in general, and in particular about the wedding. There is so much!!! Laura and I enjoyed the couple of days before the Big Day itself: on Wednesday we went and had our fake spray-on tans done, that was an experience! Especially having to go round the rest of the day without wearing a bra......

We followed this by a trip to the venue, The Priory, to drop things off and check details. Then to J*hn L*wis to return the white hat (I kept the red hat) and choose some jewellery....there I am trying on necklaces....the assistant gathers it is for Laura's wedding..'Oh, when is the Big Day?' 'Friday.' 'Oh!' She gathers we don't go in for a huge amount of forward planning..I buy a necklace, and matching bracelet and earrings and finally feel ready. I must return the two necklaces bought at two other shops earlier this week or the bank manager really will be round.....

Weds evening I bought up most of W*itr*se, ironed Laa's bedding, made up her bed for her to come home to, and made the lasagnes for Thursday's 'last supper'.....

Thursday I spent all day cleaning and tidying, as mentioned in an earlier blog. I went from total panic that I wouldn't get everything done, to purposeful, deadline driven action, and when I left the house to go and get the car cleaned, it was only ten thirty in the morning and I was nearly done!!!! I bought a car full of flowers and filled every room, especially Laa's bedroom....and I bought a Wedding Day helium balloon for the morning.....

Laa came round about 1pm and helped me finish off a few things, then off we went back to the beauty spa for our manicures and pedicures. It was so relaxing I fell asleep while having my gel overlays done!!!! I have never had nails looking like this, I feel quite posh.....

I had a strange Thursday evening alone while the rest of the family went off to the wedding rehearsal..although I had been relaxed and happy for all of two days, and hadn't actually cried at all, I found myself getting a little agitated, taking it out on a friend in a phone call, and wondering why I wind myself up over little things......

It meant that when Clive, James and Laura came back to eat I was a little subdued and quiet, but no-one seemed to notice...Mec came and picked up the lasagne for him and the best man to eat whilst finishing off their speeches...he and Laa seemed very happy and relaxed....

Laa had a shower and generally had a bit of time to herself and came down in her dressing gown for a bit, before we all decided it was time for bed..I sat on her bed and offered the Night Before the Wedding Bride's Mother's Talk.....somehow we decided it wasn't needed, she had no doubts, knows what she's doing, so I left her to sleep in her own bed, her last night as as single girl....

Tomorrow, more about the wedding day, including a denial of rumours that someone who hadn't eaten and doesn't normally drink, had a glass of champagne after the service and got a little tipsy, and had to be supported at times, much to the embarrassment of her family, and the amusement of everyone else...what, the Bride's mother drunk??? Surely not......surely someone as proper as that, in a smart red outfit and hat would not lower the tone by getting tipsy and almost falling over? No...............................................

Reader, she married him....

...she did it. She is no longer Miss P, but Mrs R. She looked stunning. The sun shone. It was a beautiful day. I only have the photos I took in the morning, with my phone camera, but here are two to whet your appetite....

Dad, and the bridesmaids, about to help the bride into the Saab....

Safely in, and about to set off, happy, relaxed and smiling....

So much to take in, so much to think about, mixed emotions, it all went so quickly. The most important thing: Laa and Mec were so happy....it's all that matters....

Still raining....

Thursday morning. 24 hours to go. Still raining. Where is global warming and droughts when you want them? B*gger the hose pipe ban, our lawn is now about 3' high and we can't cut it as it's too wet. Never mind, says the photographer, we can take photos on the patio. Um....haven't really got a patio....not a photogenic one....Never mind, we can take photos of you all getting ready in the bedroom....OMG....wish I had had professional house clearings/cleaners in...actually I wish I had redecorated..of course I spend far too much of my life crying when I should really be doing something useful like gardening or housework.

So what have I actually done to prepare for my daughter's wedding? Successfully lost weight? No. Made the garden lovely? No. Made the house lovely? No. But over the weekend (when it chucked it down non-stop) I did make a start on the cleaning and tidying, so things are looking better...too late to decorate....

Right, time to get up and continue clearing up and cleaning. Need to finish meals, one for here for family dinner tonight after wedding rehearsal, one to give Mec for him and his best man at his house....need to get my car cleaned at some point, as I am driving me and bridesmaids to wedding, can't put ribbon on car covered in bird crap...

Need to be finished in time for manicure and pedicure appointment for B and MoB.... good job I did all the food shopping yesterday (I am having an open house/garden on Saturday, seemed a good idea at the time!!) And Laura and I had our fake spray tans yesterday..we look fine...expecting immigration officers to call any time cos I look like I just got off the boat from India.....Laura panicked and washed hers off last night!!!

Right, 7.30am, time to get going....oh actually, just weighed myself, I have lost a little weight, but maybe that's more to do with how my stomach has been this week...not good....I'll get the immodium out for tomorrow!!!!

Looks out of window. Dammit, this is supposed to be a summer wedding. Forecast? Cloudy, showers, maybe a sunny interval. But gusts of wind up to 27 mph????? Think of Laa's hair....and my hat!!!

Hello.....

....I know, I've not blogged much recently. The last couple of weeks have been hard: not good. I have been so far in a cave of depression and sadness, and almost non stop crying, I have even embarrassed myself. Lost it spectacularly last Tuesday evening in a meeting with my trustees...so unprofessional.

No words=no blog. Can't explain it....can hardly explain it to myself, never mind you. And everyone is on about the wedding, I must be happy, I must be excited..and of course I am, underneath, but on top so very unhappy, and it makes it worse when I should be happy, so I feel awful, and guilty, and that makes me cry with despair, cos it shouldn't be like this...and so it goes on.

Today, I haven't cried. All day! Been in meetings, gave a talk on my charity this evening...feel so much better. I can do this. I can be MOTB. And I checked the on-line weather forecast - no rain on Friday!!! After 10 days of continuous rain, I have caught myself saying, Please God, don't let it rain on Friday, not on Laura's wedding day. Then I feel embarrassed, and I hear God saying..not another one about the weather...ok, of course, when there are awful things happening in the world and people are sick and dying, of course I'll make sure it doesn't rain near St Albans on Friday, no problem. Ttch..just what kind of God do I believe in????

Bless the little chincillas.....

So there is the lvoely Steve, perched in front of the telly, next to the fire place, ready to go..note the ambient lighting (lava lamp placed lvoeingly on his speaker.....)

I had 20 people in my front room! Oh, and in my back room too, they are all in one..you can just see the lucky few who got the cosy sofas..the other 14 were on chairs down the dining room end!!!

Steve was a gem, an original, who charmed not only with his music, but also his chat, the amusing stream of consciousness between numbers, causing the audience members to be entranced by the mellow sounds, and roll about laughing in between. Particularly entertaining was Steve's explanation of how he achieved all those amazing sounds, layer upon layer, using one little black box with blinking lights on, and a row of foot pedals (not forgetting the guitar of course...) He plays a line or two of music, presses a foot pedal, a bit of food drops down for the chinchillas, and they in return play back the line of music....there are quite a few in there, and they are all well trained and were note perfect..worry not, no chinchillas were harmed in the making of this music.....

I had a house full of friends, neighbours, trustees, Steve's friends (sadly not his mother, who thought it was next week.....) who enjoyed wine, music, lasagne, more music, delicious puddings: they brought raffle tickets too (no charity evening is complete without a raffle...) and Steve sold quite a few CDs and by the end of the evening had several new fans, and all thought my house concert was one of the most original and enjoyable occasions on the planet.

You can see how much someone was enjoying himself....

Which we all did of course. And I have made about £120 for my charity. Roll on the next one.....

Thanks, small curate....

I was sitting in bed reading blogs, early on Sunday morning, when I came across the small curate's blog, talking about Stuart Maconie's new book Pies and Prejudice, about the north/south divide....now being a Scouser born and bred, but living down south and now preferring quiche and cappuccinos to pie and chips....and having bred two children who are southerners through and through, and who are rude and prejudiced about anyone north of watford..I wanted to read this book and re-connect with my roots...and I know it will be a humorous read..it's written by a northerner!

Thanks to the wonders of the internet, I was able to click on small curate's link, get my credit card out, and before 8am I had purchased said book....and despite any misgivings of giving scousers my credit card details..my trust was not misplaced and said book has arrived in the post....a treasure...I'll let you know....

Spooky.....

I love this website..the animation and the atmospheric music...I did the test yesterday and lvoed the daemon it gave me, a lvoely little animal like a meercat..can't remember what it was or its name...I tried to save it but id didn't work. This morning it worked, but although I thought I answered the test the same, this morning I am modest and not asssertive, and I have a different daemon!!!

Over to you..what will your comments on me change me into?????

Fings wot I did this weekend....

Went shopping in St Albans with Laa and bridesmaid Amy. Looked for wedding stuff. Had wedding meeting at the Waffle House. Mmmm....banoffee waffle and banana milk shake to die for....had girlie evening in, ate chocolate and pop corn, watched The Holiday..love it lvoe it...I so lust after Jude Law in that film.....

Then today..went shopping in J*hn L*wis!! MoB and B-Maid tried on lingerie and Laa did the running about between fitting rooms sorting us out. Had ladies lunch in the restaurant and a pot of tea for three (how grown up) and discussed marriage, fear, doubt, being sure, not being sure..and I listened to Laa and Amy and said little..apart from the timeless wisdom of..'whatever happens..keep communicating with each other. Keep talking. And keep listening.'

We bought ribbon for the cars and I picked up my dress, and..wait for it..I got a hat!! Yes, I got a hat!!!!!

Priceless...

Even by my standards, the one-liner I came out with yesterday was priceless....

I think I have mentioned on my blog over the years that I do some voicework for a guy in St Albans..it started with a Bible Comes to Life exhibition years ago where groups would visit and sit in a room converted to a Bedouin camp under the night sky in the desert (twinkling stars and everything...) and I did one voice and DC did the other..explaining about God, the creation of the world, God sending his Son etc..it wasn't until I went to the exhibition myself, and the lights went up..and I was the voice of a camel, telling the story of creation. DC was, of course, the voice of God. Oh how he laughed....

Anyway, I digress, H has gone on to take the show on the road, in two massive converted trailers, taking the story to schools, one trailer is fitted out as the cabin of a small jet, and passengers are 'flown' to Israel, watching film as they fly, telling the story of Jesus, and yes that's my voice too, which surprised my church members when they went recently.

Next project was an interactive DVD telling the Christmas story, again for schools, and I did the voice work for that.

Last Friday, as is his way, H rings and wants me to do some recording asap. He always wants it NOW. So I agreed to do it that Sunday afternoon at his convenience. I go to his house, read the script, sit at the mic, and generally do it all in one take. Occasionally we re-do bits if he wants it said differently.

I know he doesn't make much money out of what he does, in fact none, I think he gets sponsors, so I have done the work for nothing. In recent years, if there has been a lot to do, he has insisted on paying me a nominal £20. So, if there is little to do, I often refuse payment, but every now and again he insists I take it, so that works well.

Remember I am a trained actress, I have done a little radio work and other voice work in my past - 10-15 years ago, and I was paid £100 an hour then, that was a good job!!!! - I am good at what I do, do it all in one take.....

So imagine my reaction, when having finished half an hour's work on Sunday, H offers to pay me and I say, no, not this time, my pleasure, and he says, oh no, I insist on paying you, I was going to get a professional in and he wanted to charge me £250....

You can imagine my reaction at hearing the words 'I was going to get a professional in'....I smiled but actually he was lucky to get away with his life....

Anyway, yesterday I was travelling on the motorway with DC and I was telling him this story. About what H had said, apparently he used this 'professional' recently, and paid him £100..but when he was approached for this piece of work, (2 A4 pages of script) he not only wanted £250, but also wanted three weeks notice cos he was busy. So as H wanted it done straight away, he made do with me. (H didn't put it that way of course..) So having told me this, H gets his cheque book and offers the usual £20.

'Cheeky b...' I was telling DC. 'I do a good job for him, at a moment's notice, and he has the cheek to tell me he has been using a 'professional.' Well, believe me, that's the last time I drop everything for £20.'

..........

You try saying that line and causing someone driving at 90mph in the outside lane of the M4 to have a sudden and complete fit of the giggles...not to be recommended..but I did giggle fairly helplessly too...

Thinking, thinking, thinking...

Generally I think too much. It's going over and over stuff in my head is like being on a ride I can't get off, and it exhausts me and consumes me. That's why I like being asleep so much! It gives me a break. All the thinking about stuff going on in my life is like twisting the knife in a wound, and it only hurts me, and eventually the emotion overspills into endless crying or the anger emerges with shouting, hitting things and..well, the language...you wouldn't believe..or maybe you would...

I don't know where the anger comes from, I never knew all my life I had so much anger inside..not sure it always gets directed appropriately, though... (sometimes it does...oh believe me...)

Well, this morning, when I was still feeling ok, I heard some words, some unexpected words: ill chosen? Thoughtless? I took it badly, I was angry and upset. I said so fairly forcefully and put the phone down. But the thing is..the good thing is, yes I was upset, but I didn't cry. Yes, I was hurt and angry, but I didn't lose it. I just felt it, acknowledged it and thought about it, and saw things a little differently. I decided I need to handle things a little differently. make a few decisions and stick to them....

The other good thing is, I was ok. Still balanced. Still went to work and got on with stuff, didn't collapse like a mad woman. I left work at the end of the day, still thinking, but still feeling ok, and telling myself that being in control, in balance, was good.

Until I walked a while in the unseasonable cold and rain to where my car was parked, a little way from the office..and it wasn't there...and then it dawned on me..I had been on a family visit during the day and had parked my car somewhere else...and so I had to walk round the whole block in aforementioned wind, cold and rain..unneccessarily....then I began to lose it...that just about did it. You muppet!