'Hi, mum, are you in bed?' 'Sort of, almost, why?' 'Um, is dad in bed? Is he asleep?' 'Yes, why?' 'There's a pigeon on my fridge.' 'Oh'. (Voice gets wobbly...) ''It's a big pigeon, honest I've only had a bit to drink and he is real, and there is pigeon poo everywhere, and Mec is in London, and I don't like it...' 'Ok, I'll come round.' 'Thanks, mum.'
I dress and drive round giggling all the way at the silliness of it...Laa is trapped in the lounge with Pidg taking pride of place in the kitchen, and yes, there is a large amount of poo all over the place. I go into the kitchen and take charge, opening door and window and encouraging movement with a pair of oven gloves. That gives me an idea.....
Suddenly the Pidg takes off and flaps towards me, and it is very big with large claws and a long, sharp beak, and suddenly I am crouching with the oven gloves wrapped round my head, making strange noises, and Laa is doubled up laughing at me, saying, see, you are as scared as me....
It's not that I'm scared but it is big and it flaps and flies about, and between us we get it from fridge to cupboard, to vase of flowers, to ironing board, to cooker, to edge of casserole dish..'go on, hop in, little pidg'...to anywhere but open window and door.
Mec has been summoned from pub in London, where he is a little bit drunk and laughing at the pigeon predicament. I get braver and attempt to get close and pick up said bird with oven gloves, but it always stays out of reach, that little bit too high...We are still trying when Mec arrives home, walks in, reaches up to the cupboard, picks up the Pidg, and with a flurry of feathers and a bit more poo he is out the window, he banged his head a bit on the way out but Mec did say sorry...
Soon he flew away and I left Mec the Hero making tea, Laa clearing up poo, and I came back to bed..oh , did I mention that I kept taking pictures just for you....
Pidg on cupboard... Pidg on flowers... Pidg on Fridge.... bless.
7 comments:
lol glad you were able to laugh at it too!
you ARE going to write that book aren't you?
What is it aout women and wild creatures. Yes they are all cute and cuddly when they are outside but the moment they come in you all go into a panic {ducks in anticipation of a wild ahilstorm of tomatoes} This is the voice of the guy who has had to get up to get rid of one bluetit and two frogs in the last week!
Would it be rash to ask how it arrived in the first place? just as a preventative measure...
nope, sorry merlin, this woman has never seen anything the least bit cute and cuddly about pigeons. Pure utter vermin. and that from a woman who loves hamsters....
bluetits and frogs on teh other hand...
In case the situation ever reoccurs, can I recommend my tried and trusted 'bird and other vermin' expulsion method.
1) shut all doors etc to the rest of the building.
2) open all doors windows etc to the outside world.
3) Turn on annoying commercial radio station very loud.
4) Leave room. Wait half an hour (it's optional in this period to bang on the door if you wish). Return to room.
Viola!
Now she tells...and K, it came in throught the bathroom window..no I lie, it fell down the chimney...L and M have an old fireplace in their kitchen!!!!
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