Friday morning saw every joint seized up, especially my knees, after the three hours speed walking around St Albans the night before. The only answer was a long hot bath, which did me good, before going into work and banking the takings. I wasn't in the office long before it was time to go to Jacky's for lunch. I went, complete with smile and flashing Christmas earrings, but underneath all is not well..still feeling slightly depressed and struggling with the whole Christmas spirit thing, but I really I am trying, I really want to do this this year!
After a lvoely lunch I make my last visit, to a mum with three under three, including a new baby, who has post natal depression. I was there nearly an hour and a half, and left feeling drained and very sorry for her. Still her husband is off for the whole of Christmas now, and I will find her a volunteer in the New Year, so mustn't worry about her.
DC called by for a cup of tea, I had the fire lit, and the tree lights on, so he could appreciate the ambience, while I listened to how busy he is, who is coming to them for Christmas Day, Boxing Day, how they have choir practice that evening, how he and H are on duty at the Christmas Eve carol service, and again at midnight mass, and they will spend the time in between at the vicarage drinking, and what fun it will all be, and when he leaves I feel a mixture of exhaustion and sadness that I can't somehow raise the same level of energy and enthusiasm. What is wrong with me?
I spent the whole of Friday evening by the fire, listening to Christmas music, wrapping presents and telling myself I am fine, and Christmassy..really I am....
DC's parting comment is that he is going to collect the meat order from the Meat Co. at 7am next day, did I want to join him? I said, no thank you, but he may kindly pick my order up for me, and I'll see him later on...seemed like a good idea to me!
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