One small white pill....

The pill I took was much smaller. Tiny. I didn't mention it at the time.

At the end of July, I had a bad, bad weekend, when I very nearly fell apart completely: unsure if it was a reaction to coming off the anti-depressants and ending bereavement counselling or what....but it was the worst and most suicidal I have ever been. I blogged at the time about me not sleeping and researching the menopause on the internet half the night...desperate to find an explanation for the feeling I was simply going mad...

I arranged an emergency appointment with my counsellor who saw me on a Saturday morning, bless her. I went to the doctor and had loads of blood tests, which just proved there was nothing wrong with me. Medically anyway!

My friend Rosemarie had been to see a homeopath, and she saw the state I was in and suggested give it a try. I was so desperate I was prepared to try anything. I didn't get to see her until after Greenbelt, but the next Saturday morning I went along and saw the lvoely Laura - I liked her straight away. I talked for two and a quarter hours.....really.... (I know, most unlike me....) I told her everything about my life: my parents illness and deaths, children leaving home, home life, work life, relationships, childhood, upbringing, every illness I have ever had, everything wrong with me now, the kind of person I am....easily filled two and a quarter hours! She calmy told me she would do some homeopathic research and find a remedy for me. I paid up £60 and went home.

On Wednesday morning a small packet arrived in the post. I took it to work and opened it at my desk. It contained one tiny, white pill, and instructions to place it under my tongue. I did so. That was it.

I promised to keep a diary of health, emotions etc for a month which I did.

Two days later, on the Friday, I was at the Sugar Hill Blues festival, andI was feeling very crap. Very crap. I rang Laura as I couldn't remember if she had warned me I would feel bad, or did I really have flu? I told her I felt rough, tired, headachee, really flu like..was it the little white pill?? She said, please trust me...the fact that you feel bad is good..it means your body is reacting..it will start to get better..really....

My diary shows that for the next two weeks I had various symptoms, was weepy, up and down..then gradually, over the next two weeks, it records..'felt better today.' 'Felt good today.' One entry even says, 'Bouncy!'. Liz and Caroline commented at The Wedding re the Difference in me. Two whole days and I didn't cry. Not even at the wedding. I sang the hymns. First time in church since Iona and I didn't cry.

My blogs have recorded that I have enjoyed the last two or three weekends. I haven't cried. I have felt more like 'me' than in any time over the last five years. It really is miraculous.

I have never consulted a homeopath before. I had a completely open mind. Some people have suggested my recovery is down to the simply talking about myself for two and a quarter hours...please, I have had weekly counselling for a year...I have done hours of talking...

I went back to see Laura on Saturday, 4 weeks on. I showed her my diary. She said it's the best diary she has ever seen!!!! Her explanation was that the emotional roller coaster and stress of the last few years had thrown my whole system out of line, emotionally and physically, and no amount of counselling, or attempts to 'pull my self together' would help. I had no control over my emotions. Yes, I'll buy that. This pill has shocked my system back in to line. Under my control. I am a normal person again. (Don't say it.....).

I rest my case. I give you the facts. Amazing.