I am so tired this week, after weeks of not sleeping well I am suddenly exhausted, and have slept through two nights running! Bliss. But it means I have no mental energy to blog. Or work, if it come to that. I am trying so hard.................
Anyway, the music at Cropredy. Thursday night there was: Tickled Pink (missed them as I was still struggling to put up my tent! It was crooked and blew about a bit, but didn't blow down and kept me dry. Bonus.) Hilary James and Simon Mayor, good stuff on mandolins fiddles, guitars etc. Jah Wobble and his English Roots Band. Traditonal folk with a Jah Wobble make-over. Interesting! headlining was Country Joe McDonald, used to be Country Joe and the Fish (I,2,3, what are fighting for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn, next stop is Vietnam. Their one Big Hit a while back...) Not country music at all, good R&B and an excellent close to the evening.
Friday: Big Eyed Fish, a local band, a good opener. Syuey Mutch & Henry Nicol. Young folk, but can't remember much about them..Friday was not a good day as you recall.... Edwina Hayes, an American singer song writer who had a lvoely rich deep singing voice, but spoke like Minnie Mouse and was generally irritating. She sang a lot of broken hearted 'I wrote this when my relationship ended' kind of songs, and given that I was very low, when she introduced a sad song as 'music to slit your wrists to' even DC texted me from a distance to say 'Please don't........'
Chris While & Julie Matthews, two good folk ladies with amazing harmonies and spirit.
The Muffin Men with Jimmy Carl Black..well, if you like Frank Zappa................different.....then the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain. Absolutely brilliant. Indescribable. Amazingly talented and entertaining..have you heard their 'Miss Dynamite' on the radio???? Classic. Richard Thompson and band.....actually quite boring. lost his way??? Headline Band - the Dylan Project. A must for all those Dylan fans out there.
Finally, Saturday....one of the highlights, Richard Digance opening the day's proceedings. brought the house down, very funny, not to be missed. A chance to join in! T & La Touche - Rocking Roots and rhythm..unique and fresh reggae sound. Uiscedwr (means water in welsh) Welsh and Irish folk band, amazing bodrun player! The Hamsters. Rock and Roll! What can I say! I danced and head banged the afternoon away....Beth Nielsen Chapman, another American singer song writer who is very good but also annoying....then, from 8.30pm til midnight...Fairport Convention!! What I was waiting for! Stunning music, talented performers, I never tire of listening to them, dancing to them, singing with them and just lvoing them. What an end to three days of music. Anyone want to come with me next year?
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
First, about the camping.....
I did say I would talk about the music at Cropredy...but first about the camping. They have several camping fields around the village, numbered 1 to 7. When the site opens on Thursday morning, they simply fill the sites from number 1, car by car, row by row, you drive in, park and put your tent up next to your car. You end up with a neat field of rows of tents in front of rows of cars - and there is no 3 metre rule either! There are no special areas, you camp where you are told to as you arrive - I got there at 4.30pm Thursday and they were alreaady into Field 7, and I was at the end of the row at the bottom of the field, by hedge and very near the toilets....
If you want to camp as a group then you meet somewhere like Tescos car park in Banbury, and drive on site together. It works, no-one complains, you meet up with your friends (if you have any!) by arrangement. I think Greenbelters are very different. Laura spent ages on the phone this week to may people, such as a girl who is arriving on Friday but her friend isn't coming until Saturday, and how can they make sure they can camp together? Laura, of coruse gets to that hysterical stage where she starts offering to personally stand all night and guard the space, and of course she can do that for hundreds of people.......
The downside is that if you are on your own like I was, and on the end of a row, with the hedge behind, and a large tent on one side only with its back to me, and a family the other side, who I never saw, but believe me I heard them......the next row is about a road width away, so I was isolated, and didn't manage to make friends with fellow campers.
I did think, for me, that being next to the loos was a splendid idea, not too far to go in the night, but of course they have those spring shutting doors, and everyone who comes out just lets go of the door, and it goes bang......14 lots of bangs, I thought, counting the toilets. Then, in the morning at 6am, yes 6am, a very loud lorry came and parked outside my tent and pumped out the toilets loudly for almost an hour, and there was lots of banging and craching.
When I emerged, the toilets were much nearer to me than before, ie, right up to my tent..and I realised the lorry had delivered 5 more. I could have made friends with people in the queue next to my tent, but they just queued silently, being British, and watched my struggles to put up my tent and take it down, alone; yes just watched, but no-one spoke or offered to help. A girl on her own? Oh well, not young or pretty enough any more I suppose. Tomorrow I'll tell you about the music...............
If you want to camp as a group then you meet somewhere like Tescos car park in Banbury, and drive on site together. It works, no-one complains, you meet up with your friends (if you have any!) by arrangement. I think Greenbelters are very different. Laura spent ages on the phone this week to may people, such as a girl who is arriving on Friday but her friend isn't coming until Saturday, and how can they make sure they can camp together? Laura, of coruse gets to that hysterical stage where she starts offering to personally stand all night and guard the space, and of course she can do that for hundreds of people.......
The downside is that if you are on your own like I was, and on the end of a row, with the hedge behind, and a large tent on one side only with its back to me, and a family the other side, who I never saw, but believe me I heard them......the next row is about a road width away, so I was isolated, and didn't manage to make friends with fellow campers.
I did think, for me, that being next to the loos was a splendid idea, not too far to go in the night, but of course they have those spring shutting doors, and everyone who comes out just lets go of the door, and it goes bang......14 lots of bangs, I thought, counting the toilets. Then, in the morning at 6am, yes 6am, a very loud lorry came and parked outside my tent and pumped out the toilets loudly for almost an hour, and there was lots of banging and craching.
When I emerged, the toilets were much nearer to me than before, ie, right up to my tent..and I realised the lorry had delivered 5 more. I could have made friends with people in the queue next to my tent, but they just queued silently, being British, and watched my struggles to put up my tent and take it down, alone; yes just watched, but no-one spoke or offered to help. A girl on her own? Oh well, not young or pretty enough any more I suppose. Tomorrow I'll tell you about the music...............
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
So very tired......
Must be the result of such an emotionally draining weekend - coming back to work on Monday has left me exhausted, and I had an early night, no energy to blog with!
The highlight of Sunday, after my hot bath and cup of tea, was Laura and Mec coming over to show us their engagement ring. It is absolutely beautiful and Laura looked so happy and radiant, I am so happy for them. We celebrated on a cold, rainy Sunday afternoon by curling up and watching The Wedding Singer, just for a laugh. Laura and I lvoed it..I saw Mec, after about half an hour, sneakily take a magazine from the coffee table and start to read. When Laura, who was curled up with him on the big, red sofa gave him one of her looks, he said, 'It's OK, I am watching it, I'm multi tasking!'
Sorry, Mec, but you're a man......
The highlight of Sunday, after my hot bath and cup of tea, was Laura and Mec coming over to show us their engagement ring. It is absolutely beautiful and Laura looked so happy and radiant, I am so happy for them. We celebrated on a cold, rainy Sunday afternoon by curling up and watching The Wedding Singer, just for a laugh. Laura and I lvoed it..I saw Mec, after about half an hour, sneakily take a magazine from the coffee table and start to read. When Laura, who was curled up with him on the big, red sofa gave him one of her looks, he said, 'It's OK, I am watching it, I'm multi tasking!'
Sorry, Mec, but you're a man......
Sunday, August 14, 2005
What can I say???
I don't know. It must be the weather. Have not had a good week, since I wrote the words, 'Feeling better, more positive,' on only Monday evening, I woke up in the night and knew instantly I was very depressed, and couldn't explain why. A heavy, black cloud has followed me all week, which is why I haven't blogged since Tuesday.
On Thursday morning I got up and just couldn't stop crying, for no obvious reason, nothing had changed, nothing had happened but I was overwhelmed by pain and sadness. I cried all the way to work and then sat in my car unable to go in. Caroline texted at that point, and on reading my reply, immediately rang me and talked to me until I had calmed down. She may have had problems of her own but she gave no indication and literally saved my sanity.
I was able to go into the office an hour late and just had to be honest with my secretary about my state, anyway she could see it! A cup of coffee and talking about work helped, but then I had to do a very difficult visit which dragged me down, and made me realise I needed a break from work.
I had already planned to go to the Cropredy Fairport Festival, and had Friday booked as leave, but decided to go earlier, so left the office at noon on Thursday, went home, packed my tent and a bag of clothes and headed off to Oxfordshire on a bright sunny day and tried to feel the normal happiness that driving away, a good CD, and sunshine bring, and I have to say, I struggled. I told myself three days away on my own was all I needed! I would come home a different person.
Oh dear. nearly lost it just putting my tent up on my own - I have only done it once before and it wasn't easy. But then I took my rucksack and sandwiches, little festival chair and rug, and walked down to the arena, and picked my spot. The music had already started, and a good crowd was gathering. That day and the next probably rank as almost the worst of my life. If you are feeling depressed, emotional and vulnerable, being alone amongst 20,000 festival goers, all of whom seem to be with other people, and everyone round me appeared happy, touchy feely, in groups or couples, sitting with their arms round each other, sharing food and drink, is seriously not a good idea. I felt more and more alone, lonely, abandoned and bereaved, and couldn't wait to get to my little tent and sleep. The Friday was worse. I sat all day, on my rug in the sunshine, listening to music, surrounded by people, none of whom spoke to me, and just cried. I truly nearly lost it, I walked around crying, forgot to eat or drink, and didn't know what to do. I thought about packing up and coming home, but that would have meant admitting defeat, and I wouldn't really be able to explain why, and didn't want to come home in such a bad way.
A few people, good friends, who knew better than me and suspected I might feel bad - you would think I would have known! - rang and texted during the day, and just about kept me together. I know what Caroline means about feeling unsafe. It is the most scary feeling, and I felt I would dissolve and collapse in the midst of 20,00 people un-noticed, or maybe be found in my tent at the end of the festival, curled up, cold and unmoving with grief.
Finally, about 7pm, a guy I work with at the theatre rang, Gary, who I had spoken to about coming, and he said he and his friends were here. They came and found me and I moved and we all sat together. I felt rescued. They were lovely - they even passed a joint around and offered it to me,..I do believe I actually considered it, but decided perhaps it was not a good time to take my first experimental step into drugs! We watched the bands until midnight and at some stage I even found myself doing a little dancing. We walked back to the campsite together, a little group, and I snuggled in my tent and felt not so alone. But bloody cold! In the morning Gary rang me and invited me to join them for breakfast, and so I found their little group of tents and was given coffee and a bacon sandwich and they all marvelled at how brave I was coming to the festival alone. I have done a lot of things alone in my life, and I never knew it could be so hard.
I am not only in mourning for my parents, and still struggling for closure because I don't know where they are, if any where, are they at peace? I miss them so much it hurts, but I realise I am grieving for so many other things in my life, it is all so complex, and the pain is almost unbearable.
That little group have no idea how they rescued me with just simple acts of human kindness, but rescue me they did. And tomorrow I will tell you about the music!
On Thursday morning I got up and just couldn't stop crying, for no obvious reason, nothing had changed, nothing had happened but I was overwhelmed by pain and sadness. I cried all the way to work and then sat in my car unable to go in. Caroline texted at that point, and on reading my reply, immediately rang me and talked to me until I had calmed down. She may have had problems of her own but she gave no indication and literally saved my sanity.
I was able to go into the office an hour late and just had to be honest with my secretary about my state, anyway she could see it! A cup of coffee and talking about work helped, but then I had to do a very difficult visit which dragged me down, and made me realise I needed a break from work.
I had already planned to go to the Cropredy Fairport Festival, and had Friday booked as leave, but decided to go earlier, so left the office at noon on Thursday, went home, packed my tent and a bag of clothes and headed off to Oxfordshire on a bright sunny day and tried to feel the normal happiness that driving away, a good CD, and sunshine bring, and I have to say, I struggled. I told myself three days away on my own was all I needed! I would come home a different person.
Oh dear. nearly lost it just putting my tent up on my own - I have only done it once before and it wasn't easy. But then I took my rucksack and sandwiches, little festival chair and rug, and walked down to the arena, and picked my spot. The music had already started, and a good crowd was gathering. That day and the next probably rank as almost the worst of my life. If you are feeling depressed, emotional and vulnerable, being alone amongst 20,000 festival goers, all of whom seem to be with other people, and everyone round me appeared happy, touchy feely, in groups or couples, sitting with their arms round each other, sharing food and drink, is seriously not a good idea. I felt more and more alone, lonely, abandoned and bereaved, and couldn't wait to get to my little tent and sleep. The Friday was worse. I sat all day, on my rug in the sunshine, listening to music, surrounded by people, none of whom spoke to me, and just cried. I truly nearly lost it, I walked around crying, forgot to eat or drink, and didn't know what to do. I thought about packing up and coming home, but that would have meant admitting defeat, and I wouldn't really be able to explain why, and didn't want to come home in such a bad way.
A few people, good friends, who knew better than me and suspected I might feel bad - you would think I would have known! - rang and texted during the day, and just about kept me together. I know what Caroline means about feeling unsafe. It is the most scary feeling, and I felt I would dissolve and collapse in the midst of 20,00 people un-noticed, or maybe be found in my tent at the end of the festival, curled up, cold and unmoving with grief.
Finally, about 7pm, a guy I work with at the theatre rang, Gary, who I had spoken to about coming, and he said he and his friends were here. They came and found me and I moved and we all sat together. I felt rescued. They were lovely - they even passed a joint around and offered it to me,..I do believe I actually considered it, but decided perhaps it was not a good time to take my first experimental step into drugs! We watched the bands until midnight and at some stage I even found myself doing a little dancing. We walked back to the campsite together, a little group, and I snuggled in my tent and felt not so alone. But bloody cold! In the morning Gary rang me and invited me to join them for breakfast, and so I found their little group of tents and was given coffee and a bacon sandwich and they all marvelled at how brave I was coming to the festival alone. I have done a lot of things alone in my life, and I never knew it could be so hard.
I am not only in mourning for my parents, and still struggling for closure because I don't know where they are, if any where, are they at peace? I miss them so much it hurts, but I realise I am grieving for so many other things in my life, it is all so complex, and the pain is almost unbearable.
That little group have no idea how they rescued me with just simple acts of human kindness, but rescue me they did. And tomorrow I will tell you about the music!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
An e-bay success!
Success! I sold my dad's little old metro on e-bay for £50!!! It's not much but at least it saves us having to pay someone to take it away! Now all I have to do is worry about getting down there to hand it over..it will cost about £50 in petrol....
Had a family picnic in the park today, lots of families anvolunteersrs came, and we sat on rugs and ate our picnics, then played games, and football and general running around games with the children, while the mums had a rest. It was so hot though..what a change in temperature!
Went for a dog walk with Jill after dinner, then checked blogs whilst talking to Caroline on the phone. We were just complaining that some people haven't blogged for a while, and how boring this was, when I clicked on Stick's blog to discover a new post. Oh, I said, Stick has blogged today! Oh, said Caroline, now I will have to get up and turn my computer on to read it.... no peace for the wicked....
Had a family picnic in the park today, lots of families anvolunteersrs came, and we sat on rugs and ate our picnics, then played games, and football and general running around games with the children, while the mums had a rest. It was so hot though..what a change in temperature!
Went for a dog walk with Jill after dinner, then checked blogs whilst talking to Caroline on the phone. We were just complaining that some people haven't blogged for a while, and how boring this was, when I clicked on Stick's blog to discover a new post. Oh, I said, Stick has blogged today! Oh, said Caroline, now I will have to get up and turn my computer on to read it.... no peace for the wicked....
Monday, August 08, 2005
It's not my fault!
No, it's Caroline's fault that I have broken my diet, with her yummy ginger and chocolate cake. I collapsed onto a sun lounger in the garden after work tonight with a cup of tea and a piece of her cake. The ginger cake bit is crumbly and moist, the chocolate on top is squidgy. I don't mind ginger, but it's not my favourite, so a bit less ginger and a bit more chocolate next time,if you don't mind. Thanks.
Clive is still bedridden so I have been doing lots of stairs and doing meals, coffee, and tonight, whiskey! I came home from work lunchtime even. After work I walked the dog with Jackie, then did dinner, then worked on the radio signing in-and-out sheets for GB, then made coffee for me and Clive and sat down and went to sleep...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..whilst trying to have texted conversations with Liz and Laura. Hope to sleep better tonight. Feeling a bit better. Have been more active and positive and less depressed. Can only be a good thing! Must be the cake!
Finally made a decision and booked to have my hair cut and coloured after days of wavering. Then Jackie said tonight how nice it looks! Should I have it done? I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure......
Clive is still bedridden so I have been doing lots of stairs and doing meals, coffee, and tonight, whiskey! I came home from work lunchtime even. After work I walked the dog with Jackie, then did dinner, then worked on the radio signing in-and-out sheets for GB, then made coffee for me and Clive and sat down and went to sleep...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..whilst trying to have texted conversations with Liz and Laura. Hope to sleep better tonight. Feeling a bit better. Have been more active and positive and less depressed. Can only be a good thing! Must be the cake!
Finally made a decision and booked to have my hair cut and coloured after days of wavering. Then Jackie said tonight how nice it looks! Should I have it done? I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure......
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Meet Raymond...
I have to introduce you to Raymond! He is a present from the lvoely Caroline, who met us for a drink before James and I whizzed back on the M4 - I'm sorry, that should read 'crawled for hours'...I now own the most fabulous pen which is silvery and glittery and bendy and complete with large purple feathers, a beak, two eyes and purple featerh hair, not to mention the large plastic purple feet...the most bizarre pen, and Caroline's way of saying thanks for her lighting up cross pen....
When Caroline asked what I was going to call my new mate, James said, I think it's Raymond, now I think it's Raymond in drag and he is wonderful. Tomorrow he will have pride of place on my desk and he will stare at Nikki and Mary Anne with his wonderful beady eyes. Thank you, Caroline. James knows I am mad, thinks my frends are also made, btu also said he thought Caroline was lvoely. And of course he is rather taken with her car too!
It was a fun end to the day, after doing more clearing of mum and dad's house, and doing a bit of gardening, and cleaning, and filling the car with bags and boxes of stuff I can't bear to throw away. Not sure where it's all going to go yet...
And as well as Raymond (I will endevour to post a photo), there was a gift of yummy ginger and chocolate cake, which I had to sample straight away. Wonderful. Thank you Caroline. I lvoe friends like you. I even gave Caroline a family heirloom - one of my mum's unused magic impregnated duster brush thingies...she has passed it on to her cleaner!!
When Caroline asked what I was going to call my new mate, James said, I think it's Raymond, now I think it's Raymond in drag and he is wonderful. Tomorrow he will have pride of place on my desk and he will stare at Nikki and Mary Anne with his wonderful beady eyes. Thank you, Caroline. James knows I am mad, thinks my frends are also made, btu also said he thought Caroline was lvoely. And of course he is rather taken with her car too!
It was a fun end to the day, after doing more clearing of mum and dad's house, and doing a bit of gardening, and cleaning, and filling the car with bags and boxes of stuff I can't bear to throw away. Not sure where it's all going to go yet...
And as well as Raymond (I will endevour to post a photo), there was a gift of yummy ginger and chocolate cake, which I had to sample straight away. Wonderful. Thank you Caroline. I lvoe friends like you. I even gave Caroline a family heirloom - one of my mum's unused magic impregnated duster brush thingies...she has passed it on to her cleaner!!
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Sally's Saturday...
Well, hardly any sleep last night, so up early. Tidied kitchen. Discovered Clive not working after all. So when DC turned up to take me into town and buy coffee, we all went. A threesome. Lvoely. Clvie bought the coffees. DC and I talked Greenbelt and other stuff non-stop - we haven't seen each other for ages, while Clive stared at the ceiling. After, he went off to buy a newspaper and I accompanied David to the olive stall. Laura appeared and came to say hello. I said, I'm part of a threesome today, just for a change. Oh yes, said Laura, what other weird friend have you got with you? Do you know, I think she insulted everyone with that remark. DC and I asked her how things were in the office and was it all organised, and she said we had spoiled her day off, she had been relaxed, but now she had chest pains. Her day off, she repeated. I said we are volunteers, we don't have days off.
DC's back and leg were bad, he was in pain, could hardly walk, so we all went home and he went to lie down and rest. I went shopping - food shopping - leaving Clive to mow the lawn. When I got home, Clive was laid up in agony with a bad back - really, you couldn't make it up - so I had to do the lawn. All that up and down with the mower, it's very therapeutic. After carrying all those Sainsbury's bags too. I have run Clive a bath, removed his socks and shoes, and then help him dress after.
We went to Jill and Ian's for dinner with friends, sat out in the garden to eat and nearly bloody froze to death. Now we are home and I have taken Clive's shoes and socks off again. I have my uses.
And this afternoon I followed the link from Steve's blog and watched the Coldplay video of Fix You. I lvoe that song. Have you lost something you can't replace? Do you lvoe someone and it's such a waste? Are the tears streaming down your face? You bet. Magic.
DC's back and leg were bad, he was in pain, could hardly walk, so we all went home and he went to lie down and rest. I went shopping - food shopping - leaving Clive to mow the lawn. When I got home, Clive was laid up in agony with a bad back - really, you couldn't make it up - so I had to do the lawn. All that up and down with the mower, it's very therapeutic. After carrying all those Sainsbury's bags too. I have run Clive a bath, removed his socks and shoes, and then help him dress after.
We went to Jill and Ian's for dinner with friends, sat out in the garden to eat and nearly bloody froze to death. Now we are home and I have taken Clive's shoes and socks off again. I have my uses.
And this afternoon I followed the link from Steve's blog and watched the Coldplay video of Fix You. I lvoe that song. Have you lost something you can't replace? Do you lvoe someone and it's such a waste? Are the tears streaming down your face? You bet. Magic.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Not good inside my head...
Definitely not a good day. Not in my head anyway. In the office on my own, managed a bit of work, went out for coffee with my ex-Chair, had a good chat. Back to do a bit more work, but decided for various reasons that actually I couldn't do it anymore, couldn't concentrate, and definitely didn't want to talk to anyone. So decided to come home and sit in the garden with the dog, and then go swimming with Rosemarie. I did 20 lengths to her 30, so the proportions are getting better, I used to do half what she did. Had a coffee and a chat..she says she doesn't need Neighbours or Eastenders after she's listened to me for a while..much more entertaining.....
Our minister went to the World Baptist Convention last week in Birmingham, and phoned his wife to say he was bringing 3 Indian people back to stay, two pastors and a wife! who came for the conference but had little money and nowhere to stay..they were 'trusting the Lord to provide...' so G gave them the train fare to St Albans...they've been staying a week now, and cooked a meal for all the deacons and their partners, so despite feeling desperately anti-social and wanting to curl up in a dark corner, I went and did my deacon's wife bit. The two pastors preached to us and tried to convert us all very loudly, and praised God a great deal. I asked them when they were going back to India, they said August 17th..when I repeated that to the minister's wife, her smile froze and she said G would get a good slap and would 'pay' when they are gone......I suppose I could be generous and invite them to stay here...on second thoughts....
Our minister went to the World Baptist Convention last week in Birmingham, and phoned his wife to say he was bringing 3 Indian people back to stay, two pastors and a wife! who came for the conference but had little money and nowhere to stay..they were 'trusting the Lord to provide...' so G gave them the train fare to St Albans...they've been staying a week now, and cooked a meal for all the deacons and their partners, so despite feeling desperately anti-social and wanting to curl up in a dark corner, I went and did my deacon's wife bit. The two pastors preached to us and tried to convert us all very loudly, and praised God a great deal. I asked them when they were going back to India, they said August 17th..when I repeated that to the minister's wife, her smile froze and she said G would get a good slap and would 'pay' when they are gone......I suppose I could be generous and invite them to stay here...on second thoughts....
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Going, going...
..soon it will all be gone. Mum and Dad's house is on the market, I've looked at the pics on the agent's website, all the rooms neat and tidy and..oh so empty. I've just put my dad's metro on e-bay, so hopefully soon that will go. I'm going back on Sunday to finish off emptying cupboards of glassware, crockery, cutlery. etc. Then it will just be the furniture to go when the house is sold. I can't tell you how bizarre this whole thing is.
Good day at work today, lunch with Rosemarie - we both had salad! - and our penultimate supervision session. Yes, she has resigned as my supervisor -and the Chair resigned, and now the Treasurer has resigned... no wonder I have an issue with abandonment..so much to take to my bereavement counsellor!!!
Have walked Sophie this evening, with Jill and Harry, and noted sadly how the nights are drawing in. I'm not ready for autumn!! Oh well, nothing for it, better ring George and do some front desk planning....
Good day at work today, lunch with Rosemarie - we both had salad! - and our penultimate supervision session. Yes, she has resigned as my supervisor -and the Chair resigned, and now the Treasurer has resigned... no wonder I have an issue with abandonment..so much to take to my bereavement counsellor!!!
Have walked Sophie this evening, with Jill and Harry, and noted sadly how the nights are drawing in. I'm not ready for autumn!! Oh well, nothing for it, better ring George and do some front desk planning....
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Diet? What diet?
One of those days....I knew it would be a hard week after my collapse on Monday evening. Emotionally vulnerable, but then I am clearing out and selling my parents' home, which is all a bit final. I mean, they are not here any more soon their home won't be and all the familiar things..so i know it will be hard.
But worked hard all day looking at the sunshine out of the office window...found it harder and harder to concentrate..but as I did lots of extra hours last week while everyone else was on holiday, getting my volunteers' newsletter out, and the printer went wrong on me, as it does when you have an important job on....and I had problems with the York***re B*nk, don't get me started on the whole call centre business..I did lose it and at one stage scream at the girl in the bank and said, I only want to close the account, you've been nothing but trouble since we started, and you're even making this difficult, and she said, I know, I quite understand, but we still need another signature....
Anyway, I felt I had done enough hours to warrant going home an hour early today, to sit in the sun for a bit, but by the time I got home it had clouded over, ho hum, so I walked the dog and gave in to walking and crying at the same time, huge tears and sobs because sometimes the pain is so raw..then I got ready and went to meet my good friend Dave Sh who took me out for a meal, and he is lvoely and we went to a Creperie and he didn't mention my red, swollen eyes, and I broke my diet and had lovely crepes and bananas and chocolate sauce and ice cream, and I drove him home, and he gave me a Huge Hug and I gave him one back, and isn't that what friends are for? He isn't too well, neither is the other Dave, so I am starting a poorly Dave's club. DC said they would be fighting over who has the most premier points.....anyway, back to the diet tomorrow......
But worked hard all day looking at the sunshine out of the office window...found it harder and harder to concentrate..but as I did lots of extra hours last week while everyone else was on holiday, getting my volunteers' newsletter out, and the printer went wrong on me, as it does when you have an important job on....and I had problems with the York***re B*nk, don't get me started on the whole call centre business..I did lose it and at one stage scream at the girl in the bank and said, I only want to close the account, you've been nothing but trouble since we started, and you're even making this difficult, and she said, I know, I quite understand, but we still need another signature....
Anyway, I felt I had done enough hours to warrant going home an hour early today, to sit in the sun for a bit, but by the time I got home it had clouded over, ho hum, so I walked the dog and gave in to walking and crying at the same time, huge tears and sobs because sometimes the pain is so raw..then I got ready and went to meet my good friend Dave Sh who took me out for a meal, and he is lvoely and we went to a Creperie and he didn't mention my red, swollen eyes, and I broke my diet and had lovely crepes and bananas and chocolate sauce and ice cream, and I drove him home, and he gave me a Huge Hug and I gave him one back, and isn't that what friends are for? He isn't too well, neither is the other Dave, so I am starting a poorly Dave's club. DC said they would be fighting over who has the most premier points.....anyway, back to the diet tomorrow......
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
A sunny day!
Actually a warm, summer's day! Warmer outside than inside the office. By lunchtime I thought we needed warmth and sun - like delicate plants, so M-A and I went and sat outside Carluccio's for lunch which was pleasant and warm and lvoely.
Tonight after work I weeded the front drive and garden, which is block paving and gravel, and was looking a little neglected. This is the first stage of clean up for Laura and Mec's party - now at least the approach to the house looks decent! Just have to take down the dead hanging basket....
Finished the hard work and went round to Jacky's for coffee, sat outside on her patio and talked, which was lvoely. Said no to cake and biscuits. I lost weight for a whole week, but have put on again since Saturday. I blame the Marks and Spencer bite size flapjacks which I bought to share in Bristol. Which means everyone else eats one or two and Sally has the rest. Note to self: don't buy yummy things.
Tonight after work I weeded the front drive and garden, which is block paving and gravel, and was looking a little neglected. This is the first stage of clean up for Laura and Mec's party - now at least the approach to the house looks decent! Just have to take down the dead hanging basket....
Finished the hard work and went round to Jacky's for coffee, sat outside on her patio and talked, which was lvoely. Said no to cake and biscuits. I lost weight for a whole week, but have put on again since Saturday. I blame the Marks and Spencer bite size flapjacks which I bought to share in Bristol. Which means everyone else eats one or two and Sally has the rest. Note to self: don't buy yummy things.
I need help...
..well I know that is blindingly obvious to all of you, but not in the way that you think! Since I deleted my previous blog (RIP) I have lost the magic formulas which allow me to post links to other blogs. So could somebody let me have it (in the nicest possible way) and I can resume my linking. Thank you!!!
Now for the good news....
..Good news is that Laura and Mec have got engaged! They went to New York for a long weekend to celebrate his birthday, and he proposed.....so they came back with Good News, which is lovely, brilliant to see them so happy. They are in the middle of choosing the ring..well, Laura has chosen the stone and setting and now it is being made! See, another reaosn for me to diet, one day soon (in the next couple of years) I will be the Bride's Mother! And a Mother-in-Law! Doesn't bear thinking about.....
Looked through a few of my dad's things tonight which reduced me to a blubbering wreck, it doesn't happen that often, really, but it is bound to happen....drove to Laura and Mec's to find they were still out shopping, so rang friend Liz in order to talk and hear a voice on the end of the phone to calm me and just be there for me. Thank you, Liz, you did the trick.
I went into Laura and Mec's and had a cup of tera while they ate their dinner, (at 10.30pm, not healthy...) and me and Laura did Greenbelt gossip which Mec is used to now. I just wanted to hear about all her volunteers!!!! She said they are all lovely, and the tickets are nearly all out now, and Laura is looking relaxed and happy, which surprised me, considering! She is wondering what it will be like, in one month's time, to have her life back. Oh, we all wonder that, don't we?
I have offered to host an engagement party here, the day before I leave for Greenbelt. Just a house to clean and tidy, a front and back garden to weed and some planting needed....not to mention some food and drink....I must be mad....
Looked through a few of my dad's things tonight which reduced me to a blubbering wreck, it doesn't happen that often, really, but it is bound to happen....drove to Laura and Mec's to find they were still out shopping, so rang friend Liz in order to talk and hear a voice on the end of the phone to calm me and just be there for me. Thank you, Liz, you did the trick.
I went into Laura and Mec's and had a cup of tera while they ate their dinner, (at 10.30pm, not healthy...) and me and Laura did Greenbelt gossip which Mec is used to now. I just wanted to hear about all her volunteers!!!! She said they are all lovely, and the tickets are nearly all out now, and Laura is looking relaxed and happy, which surprised me, considering! She is wondering what it will be like, in one month's time, to have her life back. Oh, we all wonder that, don't we?
I have offered to host an engagement party here, the day before I leave for Greenbelt. Just a house to clean and tidy, a front and back garden to weed and some planting needed....not to mention some food and drink....I must be mad....
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