Going down hill again...

Following a bad week last week, this week was stressed and difficult, with work really pressured, funding bids to write, deadlines to meet, recruitment to organise, a newsletter to get out, training to be delivered: and I managed to lose various things on the pc, so that I ahd to do the newsletter all over again, starting after the Show of Hands gig, at midnight, and finishing it at 2.15 am. Madness. But at least it was done.

I needed Rosemarie to counter sign a funding bid and she had gone away to Manchester and thought I knew. More stress.

I shut myslef in the bathroom on Thursday evenign to get some space, a loong hot bath..and I dyed my hair. deep, deep red. Very dark. Sh*t. Not a good look.

I had work phone calls and stuff to do for my other business, the event managment company, made difficult as I could not get to speak to my business partner. Texts and calls with no response. Promises of phoe conversations at pre-arranged times which didn't happen. Lack of coverage. Being too busy. Understandable, but frustrating. Eventually I hounded DC down in his northern office by landline, after two days of trying to arrange a meeting, and after being told he was busy and could he call me later, my reply was, no, you f**ing speak to me now, can you make this meeting? yes, he said. Fine, sorry to have bothered you. Phone down.

I then e-mailed my resignation from the business. Once and for all. Walk away.

I found a new hair salon with a top stylist who could fit me in for a cut and finish. Maybe the red wouldn't look so bad if there wasn't so much of it. I went in, the stress lifting off my shoulders along with my hair. My new stylist, trendy Italian guy called Davida (I kid you not) Dav-eed-a, was lvoely and caring and respectful and has done a good cut. A bit short, but not too short. And only a bit dark red now it's been washed a few times....

Saturday morning I gave in. I opened the packet of anti-depressants I have been trying to avoid for months, and took one. I have to get through this.

Saturday afternoon we had our business meeting. Lots of work to do. We talked, We worked. We laughed. He did not accept my resignation and says he will trya nd communicare better in future. When he is not up north in meetings from 8am until gone midnight working on contracts worth 21 million. I can understand why that needs focus. And will do for the next three years. But can I cope with being on the other end of that, trying to run a business alongside that?

As ever, answers on post card. Remember, he has promised to change....