Missing..one T shirt....

You wouldn't believe it..I went swimming with Rosemarie after work..or rather after leaving work early cos I was asleep at my desk..checked e-mails, had another quick sleep, then went to the pool. Swam 22 lengths - yes 22 , this is a record, with no rest at all...then showered and went to get dressed. Stuff out of locker, dress..or rather skirt..then t-shirt...t-shirt??? No t shirt. Nowhere to be seen. Searched locker. Empty. Searched bag, shook towels. Searched floor. Accused everyone in changing room of stealing it...no luck there. Well, I had it when I came in, I said. M&S. Dark army green. Size 14. short sleeved t shirt.

I stood there. Can't go home like this I said. Well that's a very pretty bra you're wearing, says Rosemarie, that'll turn a few heads when you walk through reception....No really, this is ridiculous. I get the giggles. I can't go home. Ever. I send Rosemarie to reception to explain my plight, and ask them to find something tasteful from lost property. She goes, and I realise several women in various states of undress are just staring at my chest. Yes, ok, you've seen it now, move along, nothing to see here. Not funny now. Rosemarie is gone a long time and people are still looking. One woman says, So you've not found your t shirt then. Yes, of course I have, I just want to sit here with no clothes on. Dur.

Rosemarie returns. They wouldn't lend anything from lost property on the grounds that the clothes belong to someone else. Err..yes... they weren't helpful, so Rosemarie made a fuss and said, you must have something, my friend can't go home in her bra (pretty and lacy though it is..) so she produces.....a bright, bright, vivid yellow T shirt, polo, several sizes too big. I put it on and I have the words Cannons LIFEGUARD emblazoned on my chest. Very fetching, says Rosemarie, who laughs all the way out to the car. On the way out, I report my t shirt stolen..I want it back.