In which the friends have an adventure...

...working on Front Desk and helping to give out the radios.....

In which.....

cow and pig become friends....and plan their escape to a racevourse in Cheltenham....mooo...oink...and wonder where their friend duck went...did that man with the beard kidnap him and take him home???

Nearly time....

for the interrupting cow to go up in to the loft and get out the Front Desk boxes....work has been progressing steadily on the radio sign in/sign out sheets: Parcel Collection/Delivery sheets: key signing sheets: on site contacts list: tears over excel files that will not so what they should do....

Working on three festivals as well as doing my full time day job...wrote a funding bid last week...heard today I have got the £7,000 I asked for! Not lost my touch! Money to recruit a new part time member of staff and more volunteers... met some interesting people this week...heard their stories... humbling..there but for the grace of God, go I....children unloved, unhappy childhoods, homelessness, drugs, drink, prison,...then a baby..and a reason to change? A reason to hope? To rewrite the book? Move forward...with a little help, maybe....

Bought this moo-ing cow key ring today to bring to GB..seemed like a good idea at the time! Also have an oinking piggie and a quacking duck..well, they make me smile....

Need to smile, had a few tears this week, had a bad time....got very low, and hurt and angry, and didn't cope..thank God for friends like my friend Jacky who reponds instantly to a tearful phone call and comes to find me walking the dog, and sits and listens..again....and offers hugs.

And Rosemarie. For the swimming. And the lvoe. And the friendship.

And I think I am so grown up. Who am I kidding? Still so vulnerable.....

Still, nearly time...to spend time with more good friends....moo.....

Cropredy, Day Two.....

So, Day 2, more sunshine, more music, and I was seated on the hillside early to catch the traditional Saturday opening act: Richard Digance. He has opened the Saturday programme for about 5 years now, he came out of retirement for a one off, went down a storm, and has come back every year!



You have to be there to hear and appreciate the humour of his songs, and his chat....he got us all up and dancing with white hankies, morris dancing and singing along to Little White Bull and Two Little Boys..only in England.....

The music was brilliant, and varied..right up until The Strawbs, they were too painfully loud, piercing vocals, bad sound which just hurt your ears....but at 8pm, on came Fairport and Friends, and they played until midnight, to 20,000 people on their feet and rocking...loud, but good loud, if you know what I mean..such talented musicians, such lvoely people....

I did really well, but not quite as well as on Friday...I just started to shrink a bit..feel a bit insecure..in need of a hug..I did try and fight it, really I did...then Chris Leslie announced a tune and dedicated it to all the lvoed ones we have lost...oh no, dangerous ground...the music was of course wonderful, violin and guitar, a sweet haunting melody which just gets to you, well it got to me, a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes, and even more in need of a hug..I looked round and the people I was with...all in couples, with their arms round each other. That did it, no mates just crumpled and tears poured into the darkness and aloneness. That's the trouble with self pity and mawkish sentimentality...but I did want a hug..and there was no-one.....



So I gave myself a good talking to and reminded myself I needed no-one, I had myself, God, the warm night, the hillside and the music..and I was there...free and strong and independent...then they played Matty Groves, they always do..I love their version, loud, dramatic, strong...but what a surprise when the large screen behind them screened a grainy balck and white movie of the Ballad of Matty Groves, done with lego figures...I don't know how Simon Nicholl kept singing, we were all laughing so much....



Of course, they always end with Meet on The Ledge: when my time is done I'm gonna see all my friends....we all hold hands and say..see you next year....

So back to my little tent, warmer tonight, and I sleep well, until I wake at 3am and hear the familiar pit a pat of rain on canvas...well, that will be the third year I have camped and had to put a wet tent away..I started packing up at 7am..at 9am I was bored and collected the3 legged dog from the caravan and took her for a walk down to the canal, and said hello to the ncie people chugging along on their narrow boats, the sun out again.

I accepted a coffee from the neighbours, but then decided not to stay for breakfast, but take my leave, my new Fairport CD playing in the car, time to drive back to the other world, and think....I did it. I survived it. I enjoyed it. Welcome back, independent lady. You almost made it through.

Fairport's 40th Birthday Convention.....

What can I say? Wonderful.... the sunshine..the blue skies... the sell-out attendance of 20,000 people... a seat and a rug on the soft, green grass, and best of all, the music...the live, electrifying music.... Fairport still going, celebrating 40 years... and they did by, on Friday night, recreating the original line-up of 1967, with Chris While standing in for Sandy Denny - that would have been a miracle - and they performed the album Leige & Lief... Chris sounded so like Sandy, it was uncanny... her performance of Matty Groves was stunning...and the beautiful song, Crazy Man Michael, moving.. so we shed a tear or two, those of us with a tendency to be emotional....

And on the same evening, a magnetic set from Show of Hands, which had the whole crowd singing..songs reminding us of the importance of our Roots: what this country has lost over the years..the death of villages, the country way of life..is there nothing in England which is not for sale??? Stunning song writing, amazing musicianship....

After a night of music and company, a night of cold and relative silence in my little tent, there I was tucked up, alone but smiling, music still in my head, and I heard a voice saying out loud, form nowhere, Thank You Father God, for taking care of me today...emotionally..thank you for giving me the strength to be me again...

At 4am it was too cold to sleep...at 7am it was too hot to sleep..so I got up, washed in cold water, dressed, and sat in my little seat and read a book, said good morning to the campers passing by, and looked over the fields, towards the canal and the hill the far side with the mainstage visible through the tress...the early morning mist was rising off the fields, I had to take some pictures...you can just see the top of the narrow boats glinting in the sunshine..now that's how I would like to come here next year...

Just to prove it, here it is:

....and the strange man next door who was in a caravan with his family, who out his head out of the door about a quarter to ten, after I had been up hours, communing with nature and enjoying the peace and quiet....

but he did invite me in for coffee and a cooked breakfast, so that was ok.....more tomorrow....

Another Friday, Another Festival.....

Yes, I hev decided to give it a go.....well, with another complimentary ticket and a backstage pass, and no obligation to work at all..just sit in the sun and drink in the music....off I go to Fairport's 40th Convention....

The tent is found, along with the mallet, torch and soft things to sleep on..I have put this tent up twice in six years..on both occasions at this festival, on both occasions it poured...not this year, third time lucky!

I swore I wouldn't go again..I went two years ago on my own, just months after losing both parents, and nearly..well..not nearly..I did fall apart with the lonliness of being with thousands of people and yet so alone. Only pride stopped me from packing up and returning home..where I was almost as lonely any way...............

So, to prove how far I have come, it may be madness, but I am off again, stronger and more determined, to have two days of sun and good music..and maybe find a few friends....

See ya later! Now, mustn't forget the toilet roll.......

Oh, I have sinned too....

Yes, it's confession time, Caroline is not the only one.....I couldn't help myself..I gave in to temptation.....you can't really blame me after two weeks of abstinence and self denial....

It all started with me agreeing to a trip to a landrover dealers on the way back from a meeting in Cheltenham a couple of weeks ago..to see a newer blue landy, to replace the older blue landy...the dealership was amazing, hidden away in a village near Oxford, behind a row of Cotswold stone cottages..I was driving and nearly missed it, there is just a tiny tasteful brass plaque in a stone pillar..and upon seeing the beautiful premises, line upon line of gorgeous landys, and the gentleman owner's house and garden next door to the dealership..it put my mind at rest that DC had found this landy on e-bay....

We had a test drive in it up and down the country lanes, I thought it handled well..but was it worth upgrading and paying an extra few thousand. The decision (as business partner for spending out on a new company car appeared to be mine.) I made my mind up. Yes, but it, because the current landy has a horrid dirty grey leather interior I have never liked. This one has lvoely cream leather, much better, buy it. DC was persuaded.

So after my vidsit to the dentist yesterday, I offered to be driver for the trip to pick it up, the old landy having been sold on e-bay earlier....we set off for Oxfordshire in blazign sunshine, me apologising for my little polo's lack of air con.

So,we got there, bought the landy from the lvoet lvoely man who had done lots of work on it for us and there it was, sparkly and ready to go..and I insisted, instead of driving straight back, we should stop and celebrate..it wasmy fault..my idea...I saw this hotel on a roundabout in Witney and insisted we pulled in. We went in, and I just had to....I wanted it. I needed it so badly. DC said no, I should have more self control, but I made him. So we did it.......(I am so ashamed to own up....) We had a cream tea.

DC even got the man to show me a selection of herbal teas, but I said no, sod it, its been two weeks of being good..so there we sat, at a table in the sunshine, with a pot of tea, warm fruit scones, butter, jam and cream. If you could have been a witness, you would have seen two people, one on a wheat and dairy free diet, one not, sitting side by side in the sun: one, eating and drinking slowly and silently, gazing into space, feeling the sun on her face, and the taste of the best cup of tea and scones jam and cream on her tongue, in a silent orgasmic reverie: her partner next to her reading the landrover manual, and reading bits out loud, like the interesting bit on the self-levelling suspension...

Then him ringing his insuracne company to confirm details of the landy from the log book..causing me to choke on my scone and have complete hysterics when he confirmed the registration number as only he could: 'Oscar Unicorn Wankee..I mean Yankee.....' How he kept the conversation going with a straight face as I giggled helplessly and rocked the table spilling our tea I don't know, but when he put the phone down he went the same way.

This wheat and dairy free diet stuff..not sure I could really see how it was helping..until about 40 minutes after the cream tea. Stomach cramps.....urgent loo stop..I may have sinned, but I have paid the price....oh well, scuse me while I reach for an oatcake and a cup of fruit tea....

Back home in bed I check e-mails and there is one from my cousin, who has been absent from my inbox for months. He was reminding me it is exactly a year since we went to the Wickham folk festival (see last year's blog if you are keen!) and got to know each other better. Good to hear from him, thanks for the memories, Big Coz.

Healthy food can be bad for you.....

What an eventful week..weatherwise, quite good. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, hot and sunny..blue skies..lvoely..only our office faces north and gets no sun at all..and has not really warmed up. Sometimes it feels a bit chilly and we have to go outside and walk around in the sun to warm up. Oh yes, Friday was hot and sunny too (more of this later...), it's just Thursday which dawned grey and cloudy. And cold. And between about..let me see, about 12 noon until 2pm...a fine drizzle started, hardly noticeable at first..in fact I was in denial,, but it got harder and harder, until it was fully fledged rain..then gradually it stopped. Yes, it definitely only rained between 12 and 2pm....oh that will be the time we had one of annual family picnics in the park then?

And the day Sally-ever-the-Optimist turned up for work in sandals, cropped trousers and t shirt - no coat or jumper or waterproof, oh no....sat with sensible families eating our lunch - them with egg sandwiches and crisps and chocolate and me with my lettuce and humus and oat cakes....one little girl started crying and said she was cold..I slapped her and said, look, you have a cardy and raincoat and little umbrella with teddies on, which is more than I have got, so get a grip and stop whingeing and start enjoying yourself.....

We played egg and spoon races, I won and the little children cried. It's character building. We played golf with plastic clubs and balls. We played tennis..I would hit a sponge ball to small child with racquet who would wave racquet wildly and miss. Fun. We got wet. I was very cold and wet. Everyone else seemed to be appropriately dressed, ie jumpers and raincoats.

We all went to the swings..I pushed a double buggy around in the rain so the mum could push her toddler on the swings. I looked in at the sleeping twins, snugly wrapped up under their plastic hood and wondered if there was room for one more in there....

But Friday, Friday was once again hot and sunny. I handled various crises, spent ages on the phone listening to problems, tried to help, tried to sort, and after one long phone call when the volunteer was telling me own problems too, I just had to get away, out of the office and breathe. And sit in the sun. I went round to Carluccios, sat at the sunniest table and ordered rice salad and water. Service is always slow there, but it suited me. I sat. I breathed. I relaxed. I tried not to actually go to sleep. I ordered meringue with fresh raspberries. I gave in to temptation - I ordered a cappucino. They do small ones but perfect. I sipped. It was bloody lvoely. I waited a long time. The meringue never came. I got the bill, got the meringue taken off, and as I was paying a Very Nice Man came and gave me the meringue in takeaway carton, I may as well have it, it was prepared now and they would otherwise have to throw it away....Uh? Oh well, never say no...

I sat back at my desk, got a spoon, and started eating a healthy (sort of) dark chocolate flavoured home made meringue with fresh raspberries and raspberry sauce. The meringue was crisp in the outside and chewy on the inside, Very chewy. And gorgeous. See, wheat and dairy free can be very lvoely. Hang on, what's this crunchy bit? Chew a bit more...oh, that'll be the crown off my tooth then. Excellent. Reach for the phone. Dentist, 2pm Monday. Done.

Work, food, more work, fruit teas n other stuff....

Been a busy week, with 2 night at the cinema.. I am tired than usual..fell asleep during both films..went round to Laa's on Thursday evening, was invited to stay for a takeaway, I was delighted, but unsure what on earthe I could eat..takeaways are not renowned for healthiness...anyone they opted for Indian so I had chicken korma, it's all I can eat Indian wise...probably not dairy free..maybe wheat free..but I enjoyed it but managed less than half..then we were watching Location x3 on the TV and laa turned to speak to me and I was fast asleep.....

Even swimming on Weds, I managed only 18 lengths to Rosemarie's 48, and she commented I was much slower than usual..I was, I swam like a snail and absolutely had to give up at 18, 20 was a bridge too far.....

Fell asleep at my laptop at work one afternoon, much to the amusement of Dave-next-door-but-one who now snores or sings a lullaby whenever he is passing.....

I am sleeping well tho, just not enough.

Work has been hard, lots of families with problems, crises..endless phone calls...cancer, tumour, gran's died, my benefits have stopped, the council took the floor up cos of the damp and haven't come back to fix it..can't cope..volunteer on holiday..I took the plunge and rang one of my volunteers already supporting a family and asked her to help with a family in real crisis, as their own volunteer was away. We don't usually offer holiday cover! She said yes immediately, what, this afternoon? What a star. What lveoly, lovely people my volunteers are. We fixed up a meeting for Monday. A part of me just wanted to go round myself and spend the afternoon playing with small children to give the mum a break, but as kind as that would be, it's not my job. So I found someone else. That is my job!

And camomile tea is not a vile as I first thought.....

Healthy, healthy, healthy....

Now you will find me eating healthy snacks such as these....fruit and nut bars....drinking water or fruit teas....fresh fruit..salad, rice, beans, pulses, fresh vegetables..I spent so much in the health food shop buying such products as soya milk and corn spagetti, that I am waiting for a call from the bank to say someone must have stolen my card....

I never, ever thought I could do it. The need for cups of tea and coffee was overwhelming. I made cups at work for the others just so I could go through the motion..kettle on, spoon coffee into mug, sniff..... I hate fruit teas. Fortunately, thanks to Caroline, who sent me a box last year, I had a large stock and am making my way through them. Now I come to bed with a cup of camomile tea....who would have thought....lunch was a tuna, rice and bean salad with tomoatoes, beetroot, oat biscuits and seeded humous..and do you know? It was delicious......

During the first few days I was going to ring the nutritionist and say, sorry, I can't do this, it's just too hard for me. But amazingly enough, I am doing it. I have lost a couple of pounds..not much. But my stomach is better. And so is my congestion, and asthma. So there......this morning I had gluten free muesli and soya milk. It wasn't too bad, except it was rock hard and quite dry and took me 15 mins to chew 5 mouthfuls.... mmmm... lvoely....

Last night went to see Harry Potter. Slept a lot. Was a little bored. But glad to see that wizards celebrate Christmas....

Tonight went to see Hairspray. Slept a lot. Rosemarie kept waking me. I'm glad. It was good, it was fun, to be recommended. And look who I met while I was there....

Oooh..the sun is out....

That big yellow thing in the sky..it has been sunny for a few days now..it's hard to be at work in an office that gets no sun, and is often chillier in than out....

Don't think I blogged about going to see a nutritionist..I never thought I was one for short-lived 'phases', but I appear to be doing this a bit....a few months ago I was seeing a hypnotherapist... no, that's not the word...a hippopotamus... not not that either.. it will come to me..it's early..an aromatherapist... No! Sod it..brain think.....homeopath..that's it, I knew it began with H.....and that was fine but then I stopped going..in the weeks leading up to Laa's wedding, I went to a facial massage and Reiki therapist..her name was Roma... really, she was lvoely...my friend Mandy giggled helplessly at the thought of me going for Roma therapy..ha ha.....

Anyway, in between all that and seeing the doctor for my IBS which has been Bad, Bad, and yes, it was all put down to stress, and I had tablets, but now I am not quite so stressed, (well, I do have days when I lsoe it, I can still get So Angry....but not for at least a week now.....) but recently it has been Very Bad (I'll spare you the details, it's almost breakfast time here...) and rather than go back to the GP who threatened to organise invasive things where I would rather not be invaded....I had suspicious it could be dietary, researched on the internet and found a Diet and Nutrition person running her own private practice right int he middle of St Albans.

I decided to give it a go. I made an appointment. I kept a diet sheet for 7 days, of everything I ate and drank. I was Very Honest - otherwise, what's the point? Reading the diet sheet..well no wonder I was ill, anyone could work out it was probably the unhealthiest diet in the world..well I went to see her and I was there over two hours, having a biology lesson, learning about my liver, and toxins, and good and bad bacteria, and comparing my diet with a recommended one...mine was the opposite way round...intake of fruit and veg practically nil when it should have been most..ditto water..too many teas and coffees, intake of sugar and fat highest when it should have been least...anyway after lots of talking and me filling in endless life style sheets, and health sheets..(Was I breastfed as a baby? God know..can't even ask now....)

Anyway...to cut a long story half medium..she did some allergy tests on me..(I wont go into them..DC just laughed...be a sceptic, I don't care, she was very professional and I decided to go with it....) I am weak on some minerals, like calcium, zinc and magnesium, and so now I have large tablets to take twice a day to top me up..and she picked up an intolerance to wheat, dairy, and kiwi fruit. Kiwi fruit? Never eaten any in my life, not knowingly, so no trouble giving them up.......

Then the bombshell. For a whole month I must be wheat, dairy and tea and coffee free. Now run along...