Tears before bedtime....

..I always think long and hard before blogging 'I am ok now, I really am ..' because I have done it before, and it tempts fate....but I truly felt ok, and different so I wrote my previous blog in good faith, and strangely enough, as soon as I had written it I felt miserable!!!

And yes, there were tears before bedtime...and I was cross with myself, but hey, sh*t happens, and sometimes a good cry is what you need..doesn't mean I'm not better, cos I am still dealing with some difficult stuff, and the bit about walking away from relationships which damage me, that's hard, but at least one person acknowledged their own part in the tears (a very big part) and I now have a large bunch of flowers in the middle of my building site, sorry, I mean kitchen....

Mainly, I have been tired this week, stemming from last weekend and being up until 2.30am both nights!!! And not sleeping that well this week and having evening meetings, yesterday morning in the office I had trouble with a contact lens and simply couldn't see to read..I decided to go out for a walk for fresh air to wake up, and popped into Robert Dyas (he was surprised I can tell you) as I need a new iron..any excuse to shop..and i stood in front of the shelves with about 32 different steam irons of different sizes and colours and simply lost the will to live. I couldn't choose one to save my life, and felt quite tearful.

That's when I decided to do my lunchtime visit to a volunteer, pick the Sophie dog up from the vet (another morning of blood and urine testing) and go home for the afternoon. Actually by the time I was driving home my eye was really hurting and closing up, so I rang my Chair and informed him of my decision to be off sick, sod it, I was not wasting TOIL time with a poorly eye...

I took the lens out but the pain didn't go away...I put on my glasses and made a cup of tea and curled up on the sofa and put on the TV and lo, the men's quarter final with Federer and Ferrero (know as Roche to his friends) was about to commence, and I was in possession of a large bar of Cadbury's wholenut as it was my mum's favourite, and she lvoed Wimbledon and we spent many an afternoon together watching it and having cups of tea and sharing chocolate, so I did it in her memory..drank the tea, ate the chocolate....and the match....well, when James rang me and woke me up it was match point......um..I needed the sleep....