Struggling....

No other word for it..I am struggling with the new regime. C has been semi-retired and working from home now since October/November. This is a change after 30 years of working long days, plus Saturday mornings..so altho I work full time I also had time to myself. There was a pattern. I also did most of the shopping, cooking, cleaning (tho not much of that!) etc etc. Suddenly C has taken over it all, and while it sounds lvoely that I don't have to shop or cook or even think about it, the role I have always had has gone.

To be honest I feel like a lodger in my own home. I have only cooked two or three meals in my new kitchen over the last three months...I don't know what is in the cupboards or fridge cos I am not buying it, and C even decided what went where in the new food cupboards and I came home one day to find every shelf labelled with yellow dymo tape and neatly printed..'sauces' 'tins' 'vegetables'...'cereals'...which was scary..who labels their shelves???

Now you would think if I am feeling like this and so unhappy, that we would have sat down and talked about it, but no, not us....it all came to a head the other weekend with the bathroom incident..C cleaned and tidied the bathroom, and there is always a hint that it has been cleaned properly for the first time in its life, which isn't true, and I take it personally, especially as all my little bottles of shampoo, conditioner, bath oil, etc etc had been removed and put in a box on my bed, so the bathroom could be tidy for once....

Instead of being appreciative of the hard work, of course I sulked and was cross, and indicated that he could put all my belongings in boxes and I would just move out....when I got back from my volunteers' dinner that night I went into the bathroom to find it trashed....stuff everywhere, all my stuff back and more, all over the floor...it was a sign that he was Very Upset and Very Angry. I hate all that, am scared of people's anger, and next morning go down and apologise but end up in tears trying to explain how I feel....

I tidy the bathroom and put my little bottles back where I like them. Not a word has been said since, but when I opened a kitchen cupboard a few days later, I realised the shelf labels had gone. I never mentioned them, but perhaps saying I felt he had taken over and I felt like a visitor in my own home had done the trick....