Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Doing my head in.....

I never understood, really, the phrase, 'he (or she) is doing my head in', or 'he (or she) has really messed with my head', or 'I really need to sort my head out, man.' You get the picture. Because inside your head is private, you choose how you think, and you don't allow people to 'mess it up.' But boy, oh boy, do I understand it now. My head is very messed up. So messed it hurts inside. My thinking is manic, my trying to make sense of things makes me lurch wildly from one emotion to the other, one minute being ok, the next, really not ok.

How do you stop someone messing with your head? I know, I know, don't let them. Walk away. I'm trying.

I decided finally, a couple of weeks ago, to give HRT a go. To sort out the sleeping and the mood swings. The packet of tablets cost me £14.20: twice the prescription charge, because apparently there are two sorts of tablets in the box, two different colours, so you have to pay twice. I took out the thick booklet of possible side effects. Heart attack, high blood pressure, risk of stroke, breast cancer.....worth the risk to look and feel younger. But hang on...they may make me put on weight....add to certain problems I have which make me fatter....oh bugger that, I'm not putting on more weight. I wonder if I could sell them on e-bay?

So when I was in Boots on Saturday picking up my anti-depressants (not that I'm messed up or anything...) I mentioned to the nice young pharmacist (girlie, not a bloke) that I decided against HRT. She asked if I would consider taking a homeopathic remedy. Oh yes, I said. She asked my symptoms. For the not sleeping she found one kind of small white tablet. The she got out a homeopathic book and turned to the menopause page. There was a list of different symptoms. I read down to the one that described getting too hot, mood swings...being sensitive, vulnerable, needing constant reassurance and approval, tearful..ooh that's me, I said, I'll have the cure for that. So i got another phial of small white tablets and I've been taking them since Saturday.

Am I sleeping? No. Have I cried? Friday, yes. Saturday, quite happy and bouncy. Sunday ok. Monday, feeling a bit low. Tuesday, well, more tears. Anger. Wednesday, swearing. Wednesday evening, well, absolutely fine. Let's see what Thursday brings, shall we? I wonder if I could sell the little white tablets on e-bay?

Or as someone said to me today when I described my week of being happy one minute and wanting to top myself the next, as she was laughing, because of course, it's the way I tell it, she said I should write a book.... at least I could make some money out of having a messed up head.....

Oh well, I'll keep taking the anti-depressants. And just between you and me, at the end of the summer, after the festival season, I am making plans. I see travel ahead, a journey into the unknown. Alone. Watch this space. And I'll sell the anti-depressants on e-bay.....

7 comments:

Disillusioned said...

Understand so well the "head messed up" stuff. Also the mood swings.
I tried homeopathic remedies for hayfever when I was pregnant and couldn't take anything else. They worked, greatly to my surprise. Given that the advent of hayfever has meant a return to precription treatments for it followed by incredible tiredness I may be trying to find those same tablets again.
Plans for travel sound good. And don't forget we have a certain event on Sunday...

Caroline said...

hugs are defiently the best homeopathic remedy....have several. free of charge.
xc

Kathryn said...

Homeopathy is weird...but seems to work suddenly after you've been popping the pills for ages and completely abandoned hope. Or that, at least, has been my experience.
But I'm with Caroline in sending quantities of hugs (which, I fear, will be of only limited value on ebay!)
Love you lots xxxx

Kathryn said...

Thought a Friday hug might come in useful...I'm here thinking, praying and sending as many hugs as I can discover :-)

Rainbow dreams said...

hugs and love from me here ...travel plans sound good...

thinking and caring, x

Rainbow dreams said...

Hi Sally, sending thoughts dn love, hope you're ok, Katie
x

Disillusioned said...

Hope you are OK, Sally. Thinking of you.