Sophie update....

Sophie doglet was 15 at Christmas..that's old for a lil doggie. She has arthritis and kidney failure but is on suitable diet and doing pretty well considering. She sleeps a lot but still can bounce and run on good days.

However, she has been a bir poorly recently, and I was worried about her over Christmas, something wasn't right, she wasn't herself, so Laa and I took her to the vet. She is supposed to have low protein special renal food which I buy from the vet, but I had discovered that C, who now shops and generally runs the house, hadn't bothered, but had bought her puppy food from M*rris*ns instead (loud groaning from Merlin at this point , as One Who Knows...) and when I told the vet he told us he couldn't be feeding her on anythign worse, as puppy food is high in protein which was doing her no good at all, and no wonder she was feeling rotten.

I left it to Laa to tell her dad he was killing the dog, as he takes no notice of me, and we took home a crate of proper food. Subseqently she got a lot better, but since Christmas has also suffered two minor strokes and other symptoms of her kidney failure which meant another trip to the vet and four different medicines! I got very adept at squirting syringes of medicine into her mouth!

She is doing ok, still loving her (short) walks and being bouncy quite often, and still sleeping in my bedroom and looking cute in her doggy bed.....the medication meant that she stopped that awful wretching that was waking me up at all hours.

Question..what is worse than hearing a doggie, sleeping at the foot of your bed, bringing up her breakfast on the carpet? Answer..the sound of her eating it again a few minutes later....

What goes through their little heads? Oooh..I'm a bit peckish, oh, there's my breakfast again, I think I'll have it a second time, what luck.....

Famous last words.....

Why do I do it? Why do I blog that 'I am doing really well, haven't cried in weeks, am really stable....the very next day, wham, something happens to completely undo all that, pulls the rug out from under me, and I spend two days crying more tears than a river..and I can't stop....it seems like there is a well of either sadness or anger deep inside, and once I let the lid off, it feels like I will completely lose it..this time it wasn't the anger, so no objects were thrown, no-one got hurt, but the hurt and sadness in me...well.....no words.....

I have managed to contain it all somehow, but it wasn't how I wanted to start 2008!!! There are so many complex issues involved, not going into it all here, but still, I am somehow holding it all together for now.....

Work is mixed, we have had some unexpected donations, including one for £10,000 which we take all year to raise and lots of hard work! We have also been put forward for an award, which has meant some interviews with an assessment panel, it was fun, and I think we did well, we won't know until June. We are also going to take part in a Sp**d Volunt**ring evening, a bit like sp**d dating but you recruit volunteers rather than a partner. The local paper is doing some publicity for us next week, and I am really, really busy, visiting families and starting a new volunteers' training course, being busy does help!

And it was someone's birthday this week..someone who is gadget boy..and I found the most wonderful present!!!!!:

Yes, it is a 5 in 1 tape measure, with a calculator, pen, and...yes, post it notes!!! Oh, that's only 4 things..oh well, I expect it has a light, or does the hoovering or something, but I thought it was perfect.....

Still miss you.....

Three years today..doesn't seem possible. But it does get easier. The third Christmas and New Year without them...it was ok, I felt at peace. I enjoyed having my family around me. I enjoyed being busy and looking after people. I haven't cried or got upset in over two weeks! (Oh well, a little weep today, but that's to be expected....) I even entertained more this year, had various friends to dinner.. went to the neighbour's drinks party and had fun... and I have also really enjoyed having time and space... I had time away from the laptop, and from blogging, and enjoyed time curled up on the sofa, by the fire, sitting by the tree, watching TV or reading... the opportunity to stay in bed until 10am reading my book.... Rosemarie bought me PS..I lvoe you... which was wonderful soppy Christmas reading... just right.

It maybe that the anti-depressants have kicked in and I am calmer and more stable and happier. That's either a good thing - I am much, much better - or it's a bad thing cos I am relying on medication to help me cope, instead of dealing with stuff. But hey, who cares.....

Well time for bed...I marked thinking about my mum by buying her a lvoely bunch of red tulips, but also by cleaning and tidying my bedroom...she would be proud of me..or tell me off for letting it get that bad! Now a freshly made bed, and hoovered, tidied and dusted bedroom awaits me, along with another book...lovely...night!!!