There I was....

...sitting in the coffee shop next door to the office....it's run by the church next door, by volunteers, and frequented mostly by senior citizens: it does a good job, a friendly, cheery place, with good, nutritious inexpensive food, and volunteers to chat should you look lonely (and sometimes even if you'd rather be left alone, but hey...)..once I was having lunch there and the minister passed by and blessed me!!!! No egg and tomato sandwich ever tasted the same.....

Being behind my office, it's convenient to go and buy my lunchtime sarnie there, but every now and again I actually sit down and have lunch in there. Like yesterday, and while I eat, I like to read...first the church newsletter, then the Baptist Times, then any other Christian magazines on the table..you see I am a compulsive reader, I can't just sit and eat....

So, there I was..eating my lunch and glancing through a Christian magazine. All was well until I turned a page and some rather rude words hit me in the eye. The F word even...I choked on my tuna jacket and turned to the front page to check the magazine. Hmmm. Third Way..but I don't expect such language reading in a Baptist church coffee shop. I am shocked. I turn back to the words to see I am not mistaken..it is an album review. Written by..I scan to the end of the article....one Jude Adam. Well, well, well. I glance across the next page and see a review written by..Garth Hewitt. Well again. No bad language in that article....

I turn the page and see yet another album review. Written by..Oliver Carruthers. Now that name rings a bell too....I think perhaps I am dreaming, and this is a magazine just written by friends and colleagues. I check the editorial panel...yep, some familiar names there too. Well, I never realised I was so well connected...

Then Lee, the young man who runs the coffee shop, came across with a piece of cake 'too small to sell.' He gave it to me. Knowing I am quite partial to cake. (Me and Lee, we are mates.) 'Thanks Lee', I said, 'Can you bring me a coffee to go with it ?' (pushing my luck here...) But he was happy to oblige..but only if I paid for the coffee...

So little to say...

..and so much time!!!! So I have been fairly lazy this weekend - no bad thing! Stayed in bed late Saturday morning after C went to work - which was a Good Thing because the morning started off rainy, but by the time I got up the sun was out, so Jill and I did a sunny autumn dog walk. This was followed by the lvoely Laa coming over and helping me bath the dog - wet and splashy and long overdue....

We were sitting around drinking tea and talking over possible wedding plans when C came back from work, and I was thinking, hmmmm, I have invited J and P over for dinner tonight, a little shopping and cooking wouldn't go amiss..if I can be *rs*d.....to my amazement, C jumped up, looked up some recipes, went to the shops, bought the ingredients, then locked himself in the kitchen with Jazz fm and cooked a three course meal. Me? I ambled about, ironed a bit, tidied a bit, snoozed a bit and was generally a lazy cow. But I did light some candles and laid the table and made myself look beautiful...so I was very relaxed when J and P came, and we had a good evening. The food was brilliant, and the quick fire rude banter between me and P, as good as ever.....

This morning I surprised myself by deciding to go to church, for the first time in months...(not counting Iona and Pab and Em's wedding...) fired by the fact that I didn't cry at all at the latter, I followed C to church in my car and surprised him (as a deacon he goes early..) Two ladies I didn't know were being baptised - the full, total immersion thing, and of course it took me back to my own baptism, in Liverpool, at the tender age of 14....I did get a little emotional, but it was well controlled....over coffee after, some friends who have missed me over the past few months were pleased to see me, and to catch up, which was nice...

Apart from that, and doing more ironing, today has been a chilled day...had a surprise visit from DC who wanted help putting together the agenda for next weekend, and I was happy to oblige. So, another weekend nearly over, and it wasn't too bad at all...but that room...that room full of my parent's stuff and other crud?? The one I am always going to get to work on in a minute? Haven't even opened the door..................

Oh dear...

..been catching up on blogs..ten to eight now, no time to swim. Oh dear. Taking two hours off work this morning to have my hair cut and coloured. I'll probably fall asleep.....

Who said people waste time talking rubbish on blogs..this is all important stuff. And who knows, while I am out of the office, I might just go boot/shoe shopping, just for fun....then it will be lunch time..no-one to take me out to lunch today...oh bother....

Ho hum..filling in time.....

What do you do when you are actually awake at 6.20am and you get a text inviting you to go for a swim..now???? Yes, my friend Rosemarie is an early morning sort of person, up at 6am, often in bed by 9pm....strange....well, I have managed to fill the time until 7.12am, now I absolutely must blog....I could still get up and fit in a swim before work...if only I could be *rs*d to get out of bed...Clive has gone to work (accountants from firm buying him out coming to look at the books!!!)

Now, make sense of this...6am. Wide awake. In bed, warm and cosy, but wide awake. Last night, National Theatre, about 8.30pm, watching play..fast asleep...just like during Will Young at Wembley..during the History Boys...watching Jane Eyre on TV...after work, even, before leaving for the theatre yesterday evening, at 5.30pm...asleep..I am so tired...if only I could sleep at the allotted time...

Mmmm. 7.17am..still time to go for a swim...actually, I think I could lie down and just have half an hour's more sleep.....

Oh, the show last night? Conor McPherson's The Seafarer. Very good....a bit depressing...strange...Jill had to explain the important bit of the plot during the interval, as I dropped off in the vital scene....

Picking up.....

After a not so good start yesterday morning..you know what it's like after a bout of crying...you wake up with eyes closed, swollen and puffy. Took a lot of bathing in cold water to prize them open! Went to a funding conference and spent some time looking round stands and networking, and some time standing outside talking on the mobile trying to sort my life out. Didn't take long...

The rest of the day got better, did some work, and had some things happen which were amusing, in fact would have you rolling in the aisles, but, in order to protect the innocent, I can't tell you..sorry....

Re Big Events: DC and I were supposed to be meeting this Friday to tie up Barn deal, but Jack the Estate agent has been stalling all week, which is worrying. Not helped by the fact that he and DC have just been exchanging voice mails since Monday, they haven't actually spoken. I got cross yesterday and told DC to leave a voice mail instructing Jack to ring me, as I would more likely be available to speak, but young Jack has continued to leave messages on DCs phone...grr...you wait til I speak to him..he will feel the sharp edge of my tongue.....

The second Big Event I could not really speak about until now, is that Husband and family have sold the family business...as from Dec 1st he will no longer have a job to go to...he will be working from home, doing his own thing.....how do I feel about this??? Not sure..used to having my own space...will be a huge change....part, I am sure, of my wobbling yesterday....

BUT: went out with Laura last night - sorry, I know she is my daughter, but she just gets more beautiful every time I see her. Positively glowing. I lvoe her to bits. We went to see The History Boys..(and incidentally bumped into my friend Rosemarie - with a Man!!!! - I poked her in the ribs and accused her of two timing me..if we don't go and see the Barn on Friday we can go for our usual swim and gossip...) anyway..The History Boys..it was brilliant, an excellent film of a stage play...beautifully written by Alan Bennett..very funny, very sad, extremely moving...a wonderful performance by Richard Griffiths..I was at drama college with him, darlings....such nice guy....I do thoroughly recommend the film.

And to make a good day even better, came home and went on msn and chatted with two friends, S and L, and ended up giggling helplessly at the silliness of it all, which was a great improvement on the night before!!!!!

Pride comes before a fall.....

Oh how the mighty are fallen..even as I was blogging at how well I was doing, I was beginning to wobble. Like being on the high wire. Don't look down, don't look down, you're doing really well. But gradually wobbling..emotionally wobbling..teetering on the edge. Why? I have no idea.

But culminating last night, despite my best efforts, to endless tears, when the people - person? you most want there for you isn't. Can't be. Doesn't know how to be? Doesn't want to be? Then, in the middle of my crisis, late at night, an unexpected hug on my phone. A little text from the lvoely C. Like I said, I lvoe my friends, and my hugs.

Maybe my angst, emotions and neediness sometimes pushes some people away. They don't want it. They want the nice bits, the fun bits, not the difficult bits. Why am I so upset you might ask? Don't know. I just am. Too complex to explain. Back to the dilemma..why? Do I battle through it? Or do I ask for another little while pill? Oh, this is how addiction begins, isn't it?

Anyway, Sally P, one bad night does not a lifetime make. It is one bad night. Today is another day. Put your face on and get on with it.

I have such lvoely friends....

I really do. At 10am this morning, the lvoely Dave Sh came to the office inviting me out to lunch. Not straightaway, of course, he had to give me time to do some work and have one or two cups of coffee, but by 12.30pm I thought I could fit him in to my busy schedule. he could see that, after a two and a half hour finance meeting I was pretty stressed, but he did a good job of listening and soothing while I ate my way through a warm croissant filled with scrambled egg, bacon and tomato.

Come to think of it, he did a good job of listening one evening last week when we ate at our favourite Chinese...he ate while I did all the talking...to my shame, the same thing happened last Friday lunchtime when I met lvoely friend Rosemarie for lunch - she is fed up because all this derelict barn business is taking over our Friday swimming and gossip time. So we met earlier over a plate or two of pasta, and I did so much of the talking that she had finished, paid and was on her way back to work and I was only half way through my lasagne....

Tonight, yet another lvoely friend, Stuart, rang, and before he tells you what a gullible girlie I am...he has this trick of pointing at your chest and saying, 'What's that on your top,' and when you look down to see what you've spilled, he kind of blips you on the nose...most people only fall for this once, over Greenbelt, I fell for it at least once a day. Tonight, he said it on the phone, practising for when he sees me next week, and I had to say, 'Stuart, I've just looked down at my top,' after which we were both helpless with the giggles at my gullibility - even on the phone!!! As Stuart giggled, he said, 'What I lvoe best about you Sal, is thatI know you'll still fall for it again next week....'

I do so love my friends. You know who you are. Thanks for the hugs. xxx

And here it is...

In 1478 a bequest of £20 from the Vicar was used to construct the oak rood screen....

The Derelict Barn story..continued....

Is it only a week since the story of the Management Consultant, the Estate Agent, the Farmer and The Lady? I can't believe it! I went along then for the ride, so to speak, didn't take it too seriously, and even was a bit naughty, if you re-read the story......

It's strange how life can be like this....something you are not expecting, and something you are not taking seriously, suddenly comes along and hits you...standing outside that derelict barn last week.....as I looked round and said, 'Can I have my own horse?' I realised that a vision was bring born, a dream was becoming a reality.....and that something might be about to happen......

We went away and talked. We went away and thought. MC did his sums. We arranged to go back this Friday and take another look. MC came back from North Yorkshire on time! The Farmer was showing someone else round the barn when we arrived.....our barn....

Jack, the lvoely Estate Agent (he really is lvoely.....) walks us to the Farmer's house where the Wife makes us tea and we look at the plans. Farmer comes to join us and we talk..'Tell me,' he says, 'What exactly do you do again?' DC's stories of last week have scared F into thinking that large truck loads of sound and lighting equipment will be coming up and down the small lane by his house at all hours of the day and night. He is clearly anxious..I take control and tell him really, what the activity at the barn will be realistically....not a lot!!! A few people, a few meetings, with DC working away a lot anyway, and me mostly not working there at all as I have another job...this seemed to put his mind at rest.

As the meeting closed and Jack was anxious to go to take his girlfriend out in London (rats..)..the Farmer obviously wanted a private word with him...there was an awkward second or two, until I said, 'May David and I go up and have a look round the barn for a few moments, would you mind?' and the Farmer said, 'Yes, yes, of course', and everyone relaxed. We walked up knowing they were going to talk about the other person looking at the barn....

We stood in the middle and planned our offices and meeting and training rooms. We dreamed our dreams. The Farmer came and joined us, and I said, 'Are you interested in talking to us,' (getting straight to the point) and he said yes, apologised for the embarrassment that he was showing someone else round - and admitted that had nothing to do with Jack....

He asked me what my full time job was, and I told him I ran a charity. He again asked about DC being freelance for only three months, and why did we need offices? Again, I answered, and explained that we have been working together for 20 years. Yes, 20 years. It all began in 1983 when the Council of Churches asked me to produce and direct a musical for them, which was put on in 1985. D came to see that and auditioned for the next one, Peter, which was performed in the Albans Arena in 1987..after which we formed our ecumenical theatre company, Staccs, and began performing and running workshops in churches.....I only got that far into our story, DC and I smiling as we remembered it all again (I was 33 and he was just 25 when I cast him as a disciple..he has been following me ever since!!!!!!) and the effect on the Farmer was electric!

His eyes lit up as he told us what church he went to, an ancient village church. Oh, we took a musical there, years ago, the vicar was John..yes, yes, what a lvoley church: I remember the challenge of performing a musical complete with songs, dance and sketches in a tiny old church with immoveable pews and an ancient old Rood screen across the middle.....

Suddenly Farmer, MC and Lady are Howard, David and Sally, and in minutes, in the middle of a derelict barn, terms and rent are agreed, hands are shaken, and a meeting is arranged for next Friday with Jack, the surveyor and the builder.....

As I stood outside the barn in the sunshine, the two horses in the paddock came through the open gate and right up to me to be stroked and admired. 'Hello, lovlies,' I said, stroking their noses...

Who says God doesn't open doors??????

Out of the Doll's House....

..is the title of a book written about the changing role of women in the last century. A fascinating book. The Doll's House in question is the title of the play written by Henrik Ibsen, in 1879, ahead if its time, about a young wife who escapes from her repressed captivity in a household where she is treated as a possession by her husband, and where the whole relationship is based on games playing to keep the status quo.

Watching it on Thursday evening, it was fascinating to see a 21st century audience watch the performance, with many of the women there finding it really hard to witness the treatment of this young woman, there were audible gasps, squirming in seats, and as for the ending...........well, I won't give it away in case you get to see it!!!!

The local amateur theatre company have put on the play, and it is excellent - they give the dress rehearsal night to a local charity, and this time I, or my charity, was benefiting. We had sold over 60 tickets - the play was in the intimate studio theatre, performed in the round - and we ran the usual raffle - after such a powerful production lasting three hours, and a powerful and dramatic ending, it was a bit daunting to have to pop up and thank everyone for coming and draw the raffle!!! But we have made over £500 for our funds..I wended my way to bed at 11.30pm with a cup of tea and a piece of toast, and as they say, tired, but happy.....

One small white pill....

The pill I took was much smaller. Tiny. I didn't mention it at the time.

At the end of July, I had a bad, bad weekend, when I very nearly fell apart completely: unsure if it was a reaction to coming off the anti-depressants and ending bereavement counselling or what....but it was the worst and most suicidal I have ever been. I blogged at the time about me not sleeping and researching the menopause on the internet half the night...desperate to find an explanation for the feeling I was simply going mad...

I arranged an emergency appointment with my counsellor who saw me on a Saturday morning, bless her. I went to the doctor and had loads of blood tests, which just proved there was nothing wrong with me. Medically anyway!

My friend Rosemarie had been to see a homeopath, and she saw the state I was in and suggested give it a try. I was so desperate I was prepared to try anything. I didn't get to see her until after Greenbelt, but the next Saturday morning I went along and saw the lvoely Laura - I liked her straight away. I talked for two and a quarter hours.....really.... (I know, most unlike me....) I told her everything about my life: my parents illness and deaths, children leaving home, home life, work life, relationships, childhood, upbringing, every illness I have ever had, everything wrong with me now, the kind of person I am....easily filled two and a quarter hours! She calmy told me she would do some homeopathic research and find a remedy for me. I paid up £60 and went home.

On Wednesday morning a small packet arrived in the post. I took it to work and opened it at my desk. It contained one tiny, white pill, and instructions to place it under my tongue. I did so. That was it.

I promised to keep a diary of health, emotions etc for a month which I did.

Two days later, on the Friday, I was at the Sugar Hill Blues festival, andI was feeling very crap. Very crap. I rang Laura as I couldn't remember if she had warned me I would feel bad, or did I really have flu? I told her I felt rough, tired, headachee, really flu like..was it the little white pill?? She said, please trust me...the fact that you feel bad is good..it means your body is reacting..it will start to get better..really....

My diary shows that for the next two weeks I had various symptoms, was weepy, up and down..then gradually, over the next two weeks, it records..'felt better today.' 'Felt good today.' One entry even says, 'Bouncy!'. Liz and Caroline commented at The Wedding re the Difference in me. Two whole days and I didn't cry. Not even at the wedding. I sang the hymns. First time in church since Iona and I didn't cry.

My blogs have recorded that I have enjoyed the last two or three weekends. I haven't cried. I have felt more like 'me' than in any time over the last five years. It really is miraculous.

I have never consulted a homeopath before. I had a completely open mind. Some people have suggested my recovery is down to the simply talking about myself for two and a quarter hours...please, I have had weekly counselling for a year...I have done hours of talking...

I went back to see Laura on Saturday, 4 weeks on. I showed her my diary. She said it's the best diary she has ever seen!!!! Her explanation was that the emotional roller coaster and stress of the last few years had thrown my whole system out of line, emotionally and physically, and no amount of counselling, or attempts to 'pull my self together' would help. I had no control over my emotions. Yes, I'll buy that. This pill has shocked my system back in to line. Under my control. I am a normal person again. (Don't say it.....).

I rest my case. I give you the facts. Amazing.

Another good weekend...

..three in a row! Wow, what a turn around. Three weekends when I have not got upset, wehn I have been busy, enjoyed the company of friends, and appreciated the freedom to enjoy life again...Saturday, just pottering at home, coffee with a friend..then food shopping, more pottering, followed by a drive to a local shopping outlet mall, with Jill, which proved to be a slight waste of time because all the shops were closing. Oh I see, 8pm weekdays, 6pm Saturdays..oh shame...

Still, we window shopped and then had a drink in the Italian restaurant, and waited for our men. They came at 7pm as planned, and we ate, and then headed for the cinema to watch The Queen. It was good. I enjoyed it. It worked....

Then home to have a coffee in bed and chat on-line to Liz who is having a problem with her letters on her lap top. She is missing some, in the some way I did when my mmm's wouldn't work....only she is lacking ts and ws I think.....made for an interesting on-line conversation....

Today I had a lie in and was lazy while C went to church. I walked the dogs with Jill, then tidied my bedroom for a bit - long overdue - before going to Laa and Mec's for Sunday lunch. Our first real, proper invitation to the new house. I had the best roast dinner ever - the first roast dinner cooked by my own daughter! With perfect Yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes!

After a while we left them to their DIY - Mec painting the front door and Laa attaching shiny new door furniture to it..having looked at some wedding venue brochures in anticipation of next year....

Then on to Jacky's for a cup of tea and a flapjack, where to my shame, I fell fast asleep in an armchair for 20 mins, until her phone rang, and I said 'Sh*t!' and woke up rather suddenly, not knowing where I was!

Back home, and C went to church again, leaving me to carry on tidying my bedroom and happily listening to a performance of Les Mis on Radio 2..oh how I love that musical....

The evening continued with me watching Jane Eyre and being enthralled and longing for a happy ending..oh I think I have to wait until next week for that.....

Are you sitting comfortably.....

..then I'll begin (and try and cut a long story medium). He (MC) rang and asked if I would go with him and view possible offices premises, as now he has been freelance for three months, working at home is not ideal. Yes, I say, I'll come with you. So it is arranged, he says, for 1pm on Wednesday: he has meetings in London until 12 noon, he'll jump on a train and be in St Albans by 1.45 latest and pick me up. (You can already see where this is going, can't you....)

I tell my secretary the arrangements, and it is very worrying when my phone bleeps at 1.45pm, she laughs and says pointedly that it will be MC texting to say he is running late. How well she knows my friends..... he has phoned EA (see previous texts for terms) and put appointment back to 1.20..latest... I go out and get a sandwich as I see there will no chance to eat later, and settle down to wait. 1.25pm the door opens and in runs MC. We jump in the Landy and he rings EA again to say we are only 5 mins away (!) and puts phone down without allowing EA a word in. We drive round a roundabout quite fast and as I am holding on to stay upright, I find myself saying, in a tired sort of way..' You see. this is why I really don't want to be in business with you.... you do this all the time and it is so unprofessional...' MC declares his innocence and says he's not always late.....

We are apparently looking for a farm near St Albans..we find a farm, drive up the lane, see some converted barns but no EA. MC jumps out and runs about looking. I sit back and close my eyes, enjoying the sun on my face, and thinking, why, oh why......

MC jumps back in and starts driving whilst talking to me and phoning EA. Apparently it's the wrong farm. There's another one up the road and so we head off at speed. Once again MC gabbles to EA and puts the phone down. I remark that I hope EA has waited, since we are now almost 40 minutes late....

We find farm, drive up track and there is a lonely looking young man in a suit standing by a barn. Aha, EA. There is also the Farmer, waiting. DC jumps out, says hi to EA, hi to Farmer, shakes his hand, and as we start walking, I hear MC begin his sales pitch. 'Hi, I'm DC, I am a MC, and I run my own events and management company..oh, that's my partner....and...' ...he is walking ahead with the farmer, I am walking a few steps behind (as befits my status, with EA who is young and shyish and so far not said a word). I am a bit embarrassed because for some reason MC is as high and wired as I have ever seen him, and I wonder if he will ever shut up.

I smile at EA and say, 'He does all the talking, and I do all the listening, that's how the partnership works.' He smiles and says, 'I will leave the talking to the farmer while he shows you the barn, then I'll do the business stuff at the end.' 'Very wise,' I say, and we walk on in companiable silence, as I pick my way across the farm yard and wonder if black sling backs was the wisest choice of footwear today.....

We arrive at a derelict barn, and as we join MC and F, it is apparent that MC is still talking, even faster, and F has not yet said a word. MC looks at me as he is talking, saying..'Um, what size of events do we do, Sally..what's the biggest event we have ever done?' I fix him with a beady stare and say calmly, 'Is that really relevant at this point, D, some of us have jobs to go back to.' MC is stunned into silence, and EA has to pout his hand over his mouth and stifle a giggle. But I saw it. He likes my style. 'Why don't we just look round?' I ask, and MC says to F, 'Yes, yes, good idea, you show us round....' and he finally stops talking. F shows us round the barn, I try not to step in the horse poo and we hear the plans for coverting said derelict barn into offices.

We step out the far side and see the space for parking 6 cars (including a soft top landy which is no longer welcome on MC's drive at home) and the storage space at the far end which could be a home for the vast amount of sound and lighting equipment which is no longer welcome in MC's garage at home...the place is growing on me.....

MC is once again talking to the F about all the things we do and what we need the space for..once again I am stood apart with EA. He smiles and says, 'Um...does he do Anger Management?' I say, 'What?' 'I am sure he said on the phone something about Anger Management..' 'No, ' I say. 'Hang on, I am a therapist, I have run Stress Management courses, could he have said that?' 'Oh, possibly, ' he says, stills smiling and looking at MC. 'Only, it's funny.....' he stops talking, and I spookily see where this conversation is going. I put a gentle hand on EA's shoulder. 'Do you feel the need for some Stress Management?' He giggles shyly (I like this young man) 'Well, yes, I have had a really stressful week, and..well, while I was waiting for you, I thought...' 'You thought, I am getting angry and stressed because I have been kept waiting 40 minutes by a man that runs Anger Management Courses?' I say, still with my hand on his shoulder. This is therapy in action in while I am standing in a field in horse poo.

'Yes' confides EA, growing in confidence, 'I wondered if this is how he gets his business...' 'That's right, ' I say, 'He is late and irritating, and winds people up, then I come along and offer Stress Management..that's how the partnership works.' There we are, EA and myself, laughing and quietly sharing a private joke, when something makes MC turn round and glance at us. He stops talking. 'What?' he says, noticing something...... 'I have been telling Jack how are business partnership works, ' I say. 'Oh good,' he says, beaming with pride, 'How?'

'That you piss everybody off and I come along and make everything ok'.

Farmer and Estate agent finally collapse with laughter, and do you know, to his credit...MC joins in.......

We all like each other. I can already see the barn converted into an office, with a large picture window down one side, overlooking the paddock, the sun pouring in, and there is a large meeting/training room where I can run my Stress Management and Assertiveness groups. I turn back to the others.

'Can I have a horse, too? My very own horse?'

Have you heard......

..the one about the Farmer, the Estate Agent, the Management Consultant and the Lady?

You will.......

Will at Wembley

Had a hard day at work working on a funding bid which has to be in this week. But was I downhearted? No!!! For at 6pm I was off to pick up Jill, and we headed down to Wembley to see young Will.....the last time I saw him live was a couple of years ago with Laura, on an outdoor stage..and he was triffic...

I just didn't recognise Wembley Arena when we got there, beautifully lit and fronted by a row of trees with sparkly lights in (just like Christmas) and water fountains which did interesting things and changed colour and everything..inside was just as good, smart, modern and inviting, and not just the stark, concrete mass it used to be. We found a food kiosk, and armed with chicken fillet burgers, chips and a drink, found our seats in the centre of the very, very back seating area. A Long Way Back. The food was delicious, the atmosphere friendly, the support acts good...then on came Will......

Well..I still like him, but I preferred Peterborough. That was a small band and him. Relaxed, comfortable, funny..and a good performer and singer. At Wembley there was the required Big Show....large screens with video clips and films, a team of dancers, strange dance routines, a la Michael Jackson... a really loud band and over production of some numbers, and frankly, the sound wasn't that good..unless it always sounds like that from half a mile away... it was all a bit camp, and Will didn't appear as relaxed..some of my favourite songs just didn't sound the same....

Anyway, don't mean to be hyper critical, am glad we went, but not sure all the High Camp really added anything..I mean, the routine in riding gear.....yes, their bums really did look big in them...

A brilliant weekend...

..It was all I wanted it to be. After a hectic day and a successful AGM, where we celebrated 5 years of the charity, it was home to iron and pack, and head off up the A1 for a Weekend Away. believe me, after the busy weeks I have had, I just couldn't wait.... I whizzed up the Al, speeding past speed cameras, which sped past me in a blur (not totally wise for someone on 12 points..however, I was in a hurry....

I arrived, checked in to the hotel and discovered my room to be at the end of the corridor, 10 yards away from the leisure pool and jacussi.....it was so calling my name..I texted Caroline and said I would see her a minute, and was swimming in the warm, blue water by 7.20pm. It was heaven. A few minutes later, Liz joined me, complete with professional swim goggles and proved to be an expert swimmer. It was only a small pool, and Caroline came on to the side, and in theory, we could chat while we swam..but I had taken my contact lenses out, and I found that without them, I could not hear properly, so had to swim to the side to peer and lip read....

So followed a lvoely evening of presents, food, frolicking and laughter in Caroline's enormous room....just what the doctor ordered!

Then, on Saturday, The Wedding. It was lvoely, truly special. I share with you what would have been a perfect picture of the bride and groom leaving the church..had Liz not decided to take the same shot at the last minute....

Still busy...

After my 'Too Busy To Blog' Blog explanation, life has continued apace.... I went to my annual regional two day conference at Madingley Hall, Cambridge (pictured) and it is always special, meeting up with work colleagues from around the region, good food, good company, a quiz - my team won: the prize? Chocolates!!!!! And we were accused of taking it too seriously!!!!!

Good training, and above all, the most beautiful surroundings, formal gardens, a walk, a pond, a lake, and we were blessed with the most stunning weather, blue skies and sun. The only complaint is that 2 days was not enough.

Back to work to get on with Annual report, getting the accounts done, which involved a few evening meetings with my Chair, and lots of hard work in the office....my staff have had lots of tea and cake to keep them going...


Then, on Tuesday, a special night out..to celebrate my first born's 30th birthday.....oh how I feel old, but hey...that's life..it was a celebration..he is lovely... he is now in New York having a birthday holiday - for 12 days! - with his new lady.....I hope he is very happy....

Now today, is My AGM, speech almost written, reports printed, sandwiches ordered,,hope people turn up..then after, after a pretty stressful two weeks, I can come home, pack, and head up to Peterborough for the weekend, and relax and spend it with dear, dear friends. Can't wait! Here's hoping I am in the hotel pool by 6.30pm!!!!

Time to get up and do some ironing and see if there is anything I can fit into....
And can I say, as if all that wasn't enough excitement, what with the wedding, I am so excited about the card I have made for the bride and groom! So excited! Don't tell them! Then...then..after a relaxing Sunday, on Monday........(an urgent funding bid to write at work, ugh) but..guess what? Jill and I are going to Wembley to see Will Young!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back by popular demand.....

So some of you have missed me...I caught up with the comments on my last blog, and am now receiving texts from people about to start work on my obituary..but to use a well worn cliche, the rumours of my death are much exaggerated.....

Thank you to those of you who have been concerned about my health - indeed in recent times, my lack of blogging has indicated a downturn in my mental health...this is true. But the reason for my blogging silence of late is...I have been having a life!!!! Hard to believe I know....after coming back from Sugar Hill and having a quick shower and change, I headed off to a fund raising garden party, pics of which I shall post shortly..we raised almost £2,000 for the charity, which is fab...after clearing up I arrived home at 7pm and collapsed..then went upstairs to unpack my bag from my three nights at the festival, and repack for a trip up north next day!

I was on a 7.27am train out of St Albans, which I thought was pretty impressive, and had two days training for my new job in...training! I had a fab two days, the weather was brill and the company was fun and friendly..and welcoming...

After a couple of days back at work, we were away for the weekend at a cousin's 70th surprise birthday party! We had a room at the hotel, and a nice four poster bed....shame we weren't in it for longer...

Then I have had..trips to the theatre in London, evening meetings re the forthcoming AGM, I have joined a tap dancing class with Laura!!! Been swimming with Rosemarie - last Friday i did 26 lengths!!!!! Had a girly morning at a spa, also with Laa, we had a back massage - heaven - and toe and finegr nails files and polished so we are real tarts now...don't make any comment....

And Saturday was good too....

Saturday morning at Sugar Hill Festival - I had been asked by Sue if the caravan could double as a box office for the weekend - I happily agreed but then realised i couldn't have a lie in, or I would be sitting up in bed selling wristbands out the window in my nightie..a fact which sent poor John W into quite a turn....so I got up extra early, cleared the bedding away, made the caravan look respectable, in time for Sue to appear and say as there were next to no punters, they didn't need a box office after all.......

Still, I was in time for breakfast again in John's caravan, which was the social hub of our little group - various people popped in for food, tea and coffee, and once again I just lvoed being a part of such a friendly, laid back, social gathering - especially with the stunning countryside around us and the sun shining in a clear blue sky, yet again.

David and I were on compere duties, so we decided to split the job, with him doing mainstage and me doing the beer tent. Hardly an onerous task, introducing bands and bringing them off again, mostly with about 6 people in the venue....the job became jointly compere, venue manager and stage manager..and in between I could go out and sit in the sunshine, and even catch an act on mainstage, with the other 20 people......

Slightly bum moment when I went onstage to introduce a band and forgot their name..they were very nice about it, it gave me the giggles and also the 4 people in the venue..two being Matt and Beki who could be heard laughing for a long time after. Bless them, they came in the venue at my request to bump up the numbers when a great acoustic blues duo came on and they were only playing to the bar staff...

High point of the day was bringing the headline act, Dr Feelgood, into the beer tent to play, instead of mainstage, because of the lack of numbers. After negotiating with the band before them to shorten their act slightly, and getting Dr Feelgood to go on slightly later, we were on for 10.15 - 11.30pm act. DC came backstage to make sure I was comfortable introducing them, and I chatted to the lead singer to get ideas as to what to say.He was talking to me when he suddenly stopped and looked at me and said, 'You've got beautiful eyes.....' I said thank you, he appeared to lose track of what he was saying for a minute, then carried on. I went on stage and introduced them..and smiled all evening at getting such a compliment at my age!!!!!!

They played a rocking set..and who should be getting it on down at the front, dancing like mad people, but the farmer and his wife..by now we were best friends, so I dived in and danced with them..and had a blast with John W who was partying like no tomorrow....

What a night. I went on stage and got the band to come back and do an encore. We danced. We had fun. We went to bed....and in the morning......Sally had to get up early and drive back to St Albans, missing Day 2 of the gig, tearfully leaving all her friends, as duty called at another event...

Still, it wasn't all bad..got a kiss from the farmer.....

Fabulous Friday....

Woke up in the caravan on Friday morning to look out on the surrounding hills, blue sky and sunshine, and thought, I love this camping lark! Given that I spend GB shut up in a box, to be on the field with everyone else was lovely. Especially when, having got up and showered, there was a knock on the caravan door and the lvoely John W asking, 'Would you like breakfast?' Would I?
So we trot obediently to John's caravan, all of 20 yards away, to find cereal, toast, cooked breakfast, tea and coffee all awaiting us. We have a leisurely breakfast, and greet occasional members of site crew wandering past, and I decide I just lvoe this way of life.....

The day is spent getting the site ready, all 4 tents...one mainstage, one beer tent with stage 2, a Family activity tent, and a Merchandising tent...oh and there is the stewards' tent, and medics...one familiar medic, S, is all smiles and envelopes me in a huge hug. He's lvoely too. What a community! I help to build the stage in the beer tent, and still have the bruises across my thighs from carrying the staging. DC and I drive round in Pete's little bug with the trailer on the back, full of chairs and tables, and deliver them to the various venues. One or two site crew members ride on the trailer, to help with the task, and Pete took me to one side and asked me to tell David off, as he was breaking the rules....why me???

We managed a tea break in the caravan during the afternoon, inviting visitors in for tea and cake. So civilised. Just as I was wondering what else I could do, Pete came up with the job of helping the band get ready to play for the night's private party in the beer tent..the farmer's own band was playing, but due to a lack of communication somewhere, the sound man denied knowing a band was playing that night....so the late hour and lack of kit meant everything was behind..three of us hit the stage and began 'wiring up', putting up mike stands, mikes, cables, plugging up...we worked for an hour in a whirl of activity, me DC and young BP who was a star, and we had the band ready to go by 9.15pm..only an hour or so late..the beer tent was packed with 300 plus family and friends, the band rocked, and we had a good time, especially when we thought we had missed out on the hog roast, and the lvoely George had kept some back for us...

We kept working, keeping an eye on the venue, challenging young girls on under age drinking: well, she turned out to be a boy, much to my embarrassment and the parents' annoyance..but they did eventually apologise for buying him alcohol..he was only 13....then when I had to challenge drunken people who were dancing on the tables, and ask them to get down..one of them was the farmer's wife..she owns the land!!! But as Doggit said encouragingly, 'she doesn't own the table,' and she did get down and looked suitable chastened. The farmer apologised to me for his wife in the morning..anyway..some more photos of Friday's set up.....

building mainstage..... and how many people does it take to move some one tonne hay bales into the Family tent? Answer, after we have all put our backs out trying to move them manually, you get Pete's landrover on the other end of a metal rope..then then the farmer turns up and offers his fork lift...why didn't he say that an hour ago?????

Work, Scones and a festival...

Yes, that was Wednesday evening..I had promised to make 100 scones for our large Fundraising Tea Party on Sunday afternoon..I had been meaning to make them for weeks, but something always seemed to get in the way..on Tuesday evening the problem had been a lack of flour, and the little I had was crawling with small brown creatures...I know they would have added protein..but I didn't want to poison everyone....so here I was in the kitchen on Wednesday evening with just one evening to make all 100 scones (leave things until the last minute?? Not me!)

I think I have mentioned the PMT earlier..I know it's a bit of a joke, but I was all over the place, disjointed, dyspraxic, messy, untidy, and the piece de resistance was knocking the flour all over the floor after 50 scones, so any more were out of the question.....

So after a stressful morning's work with loads and loads to do, I left early, bought flour, and had the most manic afternoon, given that I wanted to leave the house by 4pm.....if I had videoed it, I could have sold it.....I was making and baking scones in the kitchen, in batches of 15, about every 15 minutes..I was in the bathroom applying dye to my hair, which had various timings to be adhered to...and I was ironing in the dining room..all three activities were taking place simultaneously, with me rushing to the appropriate room depending on the time....another 50 scones were made and not burned, my hair turned dark brown, ironing and packing were done, and I left at 4.30pm. Not bad. Did I have everything??? I hoped so.....

When I arrived at the site of the Sugar Hill Blues Festival, at 6.15pm, the sun was shining, the caravan was waiting, and John W had the barbecue going..what more could I ask for? These were some of the views awaiting me..... Sugar Hill...by day...and night...

More details...

Oh dear, why do I start this...

Chapter 5. In which Sally Travels to her Interview.

So, I made friends with this nice Scottish guy who had change of a £5 note so I could buy a ticket and go catch my train. I bought a train ticket from a machine and it gave me two bits, one ticket, one card receipt. They look identical. I put the tickets in my purse and went to the kiosk to buy a bottle of water. I then went to go through the barrier. I took the ticket out of my purse and put it in the slot and nothing happened. Tried again. Nothing. 'Come through the gate,' the man said. As I went through he took my ticket. 'Ah, this is the receipt, that's why. hang on, this is dated 17th July. A bit out of date!' Now, why would a ticket almost two months old be first out of my purse????

So, having found the right ticket, which of course was hiding in a small corner of my purse, I was allowed on the platform. I should tell you know, the one thing I did right was to Allow Plenty of Time. So these small delays did not upset me. I meant to read the document on the train, but was feeling so lousy (see earlier PMT reference) that I slept all the way to Farringdon. Oh well. Got out in Plenty of Time, so decided to sit and have a coffee outside a little coffee shop to chill, check the map and NOT spill coffee on my clean beige skirt.....which actually, being linen, was starting to look a little crumpled.....

I walked confidently in the direction of the offices, still with Plenty of Time. I got to the bit where on the map they should have been, but they weren't. I asked people. No-one had heard of the address. I walked around, checking all office blocks, asking people..and by now, dear reader, given that it was a strangely hot and humid day in London, the sweat began to pour off me, because I am wearing a Smart Jacket.

It becomes like the scene from a scary film. At one point I am in a square, and on the other side I see a postman. Aha! A postie will know. I call out, 'Excuse me!' and hurry towards him but he appears not to have heard, and as I get near he suddenly vanishes up an alley hidden between two buildings. I run to the alley..look up...he is nowhere to be seen. Scary.

I still have Plenty of Time, but not as much as I did, so when the next building and man are no help, I get out my mobile phone and ring Nikki. (There are no contact phone nos. on the interview letter, and just the name of the office building, no street name. It is not just that I am useless.....)

I ask Nikki (assertively) to ring the London office and find out exactly where they are and ring straight back. She says yes and is gone a minute or two and rings back with the information that I am on the Wrong Side of High Holborn. My internet map is wrong. I get there, cross the road and look for an entrance to a huge block that has the right name on. Hurrah!

I still have time..but my shoes are rubbing, my feel are killing me, and I am soaked through with sweat..humidity is rising..I find a man at a door in the side street and ask if he can let me in. No, he says, the main entrance is on the main road. But I looked.....

I go back to the main road and walkalongg the shops. It is an old Elizabethan block, and there, between two shops is a small wooden arch, leading to a cobbled courtyard. I walk under the arch and around the courtyard are lots of old houses, each one with its own front door leading to hundreds of small offices. On account of my bad eyesight I have to go up to each front door and peer at the plaques. At the third door I am lucky...third floor..I push the door..put it doesn't open. I work out which bell to push and push. Three minutes to go. Plenty of Time. No-one answers. I push again. This time a voiced answers and invites me in. I push the door. Nothing. I wait. Push. Ring again. I can't get in, I explain. Oh, it's very stiff, you have to push hard. Thanks.

I get in and find a small staircase and climb what I am sure is three floors. No office, but a loo, so I go in and attempt to wash in cold water, use paper towels to dry off, and brush my wet hair and fringe from off my sweaty face,andn climb another staircase and arrive at the office. Hello, you made it, they say, and sit me in a small, airless, warm roomwith aa cup of iced water. is it and sip and breathe. 1 minute to go. I am so not in the mood for this interview....

M comes in and greets me and I am pleased to see her face is all damp and sweaty and she apologises for thehumidityy but we are on the fourth floor and she can't open a window. I sit in the interview room with sweatpouringg down my face and back and smile, and attempt to look relaxed.

They ask me a couple of questions, including what doIi think of the new guidelines..well, hard to read, too long,repetitivee, needs editing..but good apart from that, I remember to say....the time for the presentation. I stand up, look at the flip chart, grab a pen and breathe. I feel a mess. What did I sat when I practised it with MA? I take a deep breath, turn to my audience and smile......

After I have talked for 5 minutes, I stop, sit down and think,..oih dear....then I hear M say quietly..'Spot on.' Oh my goodness.... After one more question and pleasantries, I am out the door, and within 20 minutes,,yes just 20 minutes! I am back in the loo mopping myself up..as I do so I turn on my phone to hear a voice message of pan pipe playing buskers in Altrincham, cos Stuart and Karen heard them and thought of me....

There are hundreds of things I could have done in London, but all I could think about was getting home, (on the way out I found a sad soul I recognised stuck at the Front Door trying to get in for an interview, so I let her in and wishes her well....) so I limped to the station (smart shoes, bad blisters) and slept on the train all the way back to St Albans. Arrived in the office and collapsed.

Two hours later I get the phone call offering me the job.'You were brilliant,' says M, 'The only person to do their presentation without using notes, you just looked at us and talked clearly and confidently. You had obviously read the document thoroughly and understood it well. Welcome to the Training Team.'

Well, B***er me. What the F*** were the others like then?????

And here are the details....

Chapter 4. In which Sally Prepares for an Interview.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.

I was offered the interview the day before I came to GB. So I left it until my return to read the 43 page document on Child Protection, on which Questions Would be Asked. As you can imagine, having existed on about 8 hours sleep altogether the previous week, every time I sat down to read it I went to sleep. Instantly. Like a brick. I tried on the sofa, at the table, in bed. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. A long, dry document which did not make exciting reading. But I got through it. Once. By Sunday.

Monday evening, as you know, was not a happy one and I retired to bed cross and stressed, wrote a long e-mail to DC to try and apologise (sort of, cos it's never my fault, and he was cross and stressy too, and we had a domestic over msn with steve and liz as bewildered referees, but more of that another time...) and I was upset that we had a miserable evening, and I had a headache..and I sat up in bed to read the document again.. at least three pages before falling asleep.

At 7am I tried again, and this time highlighted particular words with a highlighter pen, to show willing. I ironed my clothes, dressed and arrived in the office to do a bit of work. It occurred to me I ought to practice the 5 min training bit I had to do, which was just an idea in my head. I had written nothing down. So my secretary willingly sat in front of a flip chart while I wrote some headings and spoke enthusiastically for 5 mins on lines of responsibility and accountability. OK? OK. Not exciting, but she understood..and what is more important, I understood, although I was aware that the PMT and lack of sleep meant my brain wasn't supplying the right words to my mouth as quickly as I would like....well, I would busk it anyway, I usually do....

So I bid MA farewell and jumped in the car and headed for the station and the car park. For which you need money. The right money.....

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got the job! Training Support Worker in Child Protection for the Eastern Region of the National Organisation! Means I do my current job but do this other role at least six days a year. Off up North to be trained myself Monday and Tuesday. Celebration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I sat in the loo after my interview and listened to a recording of a pan-pipe playing busker in Altricham. I do so lvoe my friends!!!!

What is it with me?

How can I be so happy (ish) content (ish) stable, dealing with life, basking in the joy of friendships and just knowing I am loved by lots of people. Then, suddenly, without warning, I change. Mess up. become bad tempered, petulant, demanding, tearful...push away people who lvoe me. Ruin a perfectly good evening. Go to bed sad. Wake up sad. And I have a job interview today on 6 hours sleep.

Did I hear anyone mention the word PMT????

A good, chilled day...

Reasonable lie in, good music, space to potter, do washing, sort out all the Front Deskboxes on the lounge floor, play loud music, have Jackie pop in for coffee and a chat..her dad is really not well, and won't get better, time for me to be here for a shoulder to cry on, listening ear, as she has been a rock for me for the past couple of years....

More washing, more sorting, four boxes bagged and labelled and now back up in the loft..a small sleep as tiredness was setting in..a few packets of M&Ms cos, goodness, found a box which had genuinely been missed at the festival..left for me to look after..oh nearly time for a little something...

Actually I have made another discovery of mouthwatering, delicious food which i could eat and eat...as you would expect, it's probably not that healthy, and fattening, but handcooked vegetable crisps....mmmmmmmmmm.the keyboard is getting a bit greasy now....

Don't seem to have started my Annual Report which I brought home to do as I didn't get far on Thursday or Friday (I wonder why..) Jackie bought me a present, a little candle in a painted ceramic pot: she saw it and thought of me! On the top it says Sally, meaning princess in hebrew, and on the side is written as follows:



















Well, you all knew that, didn't you????

Found some pics...

Forgot I took some pcis on my phone at GB06... Friends..Daniel Bedingfield (who?) and the Ukele Orchestra.....wonderful times...

Oh, not as thin as I was!!!

The first few days of GB I was running around and hardly eating, and lost more weight....as the festival wore on, I was still running around, but I ate more, an what I did eat wasn't necessarily healthy!! fish and chips, toasty sandwich, pie, waffles and ice cream...and lots of lvoely cappucinos from the very lvoely real coffee stand near Front Desk.....all very lvoely but hardly a vegetable in sight! So I have put on a little...But I'm sure I'll lose it if I stick to healthy things....I didn't eat any pasta at GB and really missed it, so have been making up for that...

Other GB highlights....going to see Andy Thornton, whose songs I love..didn't cry at the first one, which usually sets me off, but made it until the fourth song which he wrote when his wife died....that did it..but then there was a song written when he met his new girlfriend,..all his songs are so full of emotion so beautifully expressed....it has made me get out the CDs and listen all over again!

Of course the real, real highlight has to be when I discovered, through chance conversation on the last night, that members of my front desk team liked folk music and singing, and played the guitar..I had brought my guitar, planning to sing at the folk club, but it just didn't happen, and so it laid unplayed under my desk...when the team heard there was a guitar, they insisted it came out, along with my songbooks which enabled everyone to join in..so on the last night, when others were thinking the party was at the organic beer tent, it was really with the crowd at Front Desk, singing their hearts out (not even a noise complaint from production could still our enthusiasm..)

Shaun made a capacity notice for the door (max 5) and George managed the queue. Chris, my newest, youngest and most gorgeous member of the team (ok, ok, I know he is only 22, far too young..) requested Streets of London, saying he lvoed that song, and when I realized he was actually serious, and not taking the mick, we all sang it, yes Streets of London, and I had to stop myself from climbing over the desk and having his babies there and then.....

Post GB blog.....

Here I am, tucked up in a warm bed, laptop on knee, cup of coffee in hand, radio 2 for company....and here I am, feeling ok, no post gb blues, because I have had a good time, with lovely friends, and I feel their lvoe still with me, and it makes me happy....

I feel happy because I was dreading it a bit,..the last two years have been very difficult and emotionally draining for me, and I took that emotion and stress to GB where it got multiplied by thousands, and I seemed to spend a great deal of time crying..the stress and tiredness made it worse.

But just before this year's festival, I seemed to get my act together - really! - and suddenly I was hopeful I would cope better, now that I am more stable, with the passing of time since losing my mum and dad.

And it was fine..only a few tears, but shortlived, and in private, but most of the time I was happy, busy, and more importantly, on the receiving end of hugs and lvoe and support from the most wonderful group of people I have had the pleasure to work with. I hope they feel it was all reciprocated.

Best moments: during build week when Front Desk was already busy and I was missing meals....being captured by angels in Control, who gave me lunch (at about 4pm!) three days running, wonderful crackers and pate and tomatoes, given with a hug, a cup of tea and they even did the washing up......

Going with friends - and Clive! - to see the Ukelele Orchestra of Great Britain on the grass at mainstage on Sunday afternoon....

Going backstage to witness Gaynor setting up Laura with Daniel Bedingfield and taking the photograph! And here it is....













and when I showed people the photo, everyone going, 'What a brilliant piccie, who is that with Laura? Cos at GB, Laura is more famous....

No wonder I'm thin.....

I never seem to stop...and I'm not eating as much as I used to..mind you, that should read no wonder I'm not quite as fat as I was..thin doesn't really come into it....however, I am still losing weight which is good.

Had a consultant's appointment yesterday morning, at 8am. Can't quite get used to this going private business, I know one shouldn't need to, but we have insurance, and needs must...the scan appointment I had at two days notice, at 7pm, the results were with my GP in two days, and consultant appointment within the week. Don't panic, nothing serious, just the speed of private medicine. The same process on the NHS last year took four months. Too long, too much time for worrying .

He said, as he put his rubber gloves on, that he does early appointments cos it's better than doing the school run, too many shoes, too many coats, too many children, it's easier to come to work. I have every sympathy with him, but whose fault is it he has too many children, given his area of expertise....???

Well, when I was away the other weekend with my cousin, he told me a rude joke...rude, but very funny...you know the kind of joke that makes you laugh all over again when you think of it? Well.....lying back on the couch thinking of England, I remembered the joke again (there was a connection, believe me..) and just wanted to roll around laughing....it took such self control not to..but as he was about to examine me, if I had burst out laughing, it would have put him off his stroke somewhat, and he might have lost confidence with his professional technique....it wouldn't have been fair, so I stayed silent...after I think the stress on my face from trying not to laugh, concerned the nurse, who asked kindly if I was all right. 'Fine thanks,' I said beaming. Why can't I be like other patients and look worried?

Anyway, straight to work for a hard day in the office, then off to Laa's new house, where I wallpapered the bedroom wall with the luxury, expensive wallpaper Laa had chosen. And very nice it looks too! Quite green..with white tree and leaf silhouettes..I had it done before Laa came home from work..many late nights this week, and when I met her off the train, Mec had been to the office to help her carry back all the stuff needed for Cheltenham..how they carried it all... boxes and bags and a suitcase..on the underground and BR I will never know....

Missing..one T shirt....

You wouldn't believe it..I went swimming with Rosemarie after work..or rather after leaving work early cos I was asleep at my desk..checked e-mails, had another quick sleep, then went to the pool. Swam 22 lengths - yes 22 , this is a record, with no rest at all...then showered and went to get dressed. Stuff out of locker, dress..or rather skirt..then t-shirt...t-shirt??? No t shirt. Nowhere to be seen. Searched locker. Empty. Searched bag, shook towels. Searched floor. Accused everyone in changing room of stealing it...no luck there. Well, I had it when I came in, I said. M&S. Dark army green. Size 14. short sleeved t shirt.

I stood there. Can't go home like this I said. Well that's a very pretty bra you're wearing, says Rosemarie, that'll turn a few heads when you walk through reception....No really, this is ridiculous. I get the giggles. I can't go home. Ever. I send Rosemarie to reception to explain my plight, and ask them to find something tasteful from lost property. She goes, and I realise several women in various states of undress are just staring at my chest. Yes, ok, you've seen it now, move along, nothing to see here. Not funny now. Rosemarie is gone a long time and people are still looking. One woman says, So you've not found your t shirt then. Yes, of course I have, I just want to sit here with no clothes on. Dur.

Rosemarie returns. They wouldn't lend anything from lost property on the grounds that the clothes belong to someone else. Err..yes... they weren't helpful, so Rosemarie made a fuss and said, you must have something, my friend can't go home in her bra (pretty and lacy though it is..) so she produces.....a bright, bright, vivid yellow T shirt, polo, several sizes too big. I put it on and I have the words Cannons LIFEGUARD emblazoned on my chest. Very fetching, says Rosemarie, who laughs all the way out to the car. On the way out, I report my t shirt stolen..I want it back.

Counting down....

Went through all the stuff on the floor of the 'new room': we still call it that although it was converted from the garage to a room more than 10 years ago...what can we call it? There is the lounge, the kitchen...and the new room.....it is, or was, my room, so we could call it Sally's room....it was once my therapy room - where I worked as a therapist, giving it rather than receiving it!! It is where the piano is, and all my music, and guitars, and where I used to teach the guitar, so was called the music room for a while..then it just became a dumping ground, for kid's stuff not wanted on voyage, pre/post gap years/uni/various flats/ then for my parents' stuff: full of boxes, records, books. two TV's, unwanted pcs, the ironing....yes, I am trying to sort it out to reclaim it as a room.

It represents inside my head....all the time the room is a mess, I am a mess. As I am sorting the room out, and clearing it, so I am getting sorted out. Well, in one corner, on the floor was a pile of GB front Desk/Training stuff, probably been there since last year, and I have gone through it and binned some out of date information.

I went into the attic last night (well, actually, sent Clive, like a chimney sweep boy, and he passed down four heavy boxes labelled Front Desk, and I will go through them tonight and remind myself what we have, and what I need to buy...oh goody, stationery shopping!!!!!

The week is slipping by, and there is a lot to do, washing, ironing, packing for Sunday, work (unfortunately) wallpapering for Laura when the paper arrives, cleaning and tidying the house and providing proper food for Saturday, when James will bring a 'friend' home for a proper visit..oh help...

Nearly time.....

I thought this might amuse..well, it amuses me... I have a Winnie the Pooh calendar on the wall behind my desk at the office, and it came with a sheet of WTP stickers for Very Special Occasions.

So in preparation for next week, I have stuck stickers on depicting what I might be doing....Sunday 20th..jumping up and down with excitement, leaving to go to Cheltenham..Monday 21st, putting my waterproof hat and coat on, plus Wellingtons...Tuesday 22nd, working very hard Making Lists and Writing Things Down, 23rd, Jar of Honey (need sustenance) 24th, me and George Thinking and Reading, 25th, me with Jar of Honey, 26th, me and a friend at Mainstage, Watching and Listening, 30th, me very tired and fast asleep in bed back home....

And lastly.....

Richard Thompson, who headlined on Friday night, was amazing, and brought in the biggest crowd of the weekend, we reckoned almost 2,000, the car park was full....Oyster Band, who headlined on Saturday, Seth Lakeman (gorgeous, talented, gorgeous) and Steeleye Span..who closed the festival on Sundayt night. What a line up, and that isn't mentioning the other fantassic bands....Fiddlers Bid, from the Shetlands, being one....

Not a bad line up for a First Festival, with an average of a few hundred people attending. Sorry it has taken all week to share!

One more time.....

Don't think there has been deliberate blog silence, over the past week - this is not the case. But every time I have tried to blog, and download some more festival pics, something has gone wrong, the process has taken for ever, and then when it finished..hey presto, no pictures!! I became so annoyed, ladie and gentleman, that an expletive would ensue, and I would turn laptop off in disgust.

At least the third time of trying this morning has been more successful, and brings you Los Pacaminos, Paul Young's Latin-American style band, whose CD I bought and now dance round the living room to it on a regular basis! Also featured: Flook, an excellent folk band where the lead singer and flautist plays standing perfectly still on one leg (pictured) Did she start this trend, or was in Ian Anderson??

More pics when blogger allows. The Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig news of this weekend is that Laa and Mec are in their very own house!!!!! I spent Saturday stripping the lounge walls of wall paper, then all of Sunday putting lining paper up so they can paint it white. The kitchen is now white, the bedroom white..the lounge will be white...and it is the most lvoely warm, sunny house, and it feels like their home already. Final, final moving in day is next Saturday..I am booked to put up just one wall of rather stylish, expensive wallpaper in the bedroom..it's been ordered over the internet, and Laura is desperate for it to arrive so I can hang it before I leave for GB on Sunday evening!!!

More festival pictures....

Some proper pics, you would expect...and some from a sad Ops person, of the side access to the 'car park' festival site., cos I was concerned about disabled access, and health and safety etc..... the only access, in fact, and that had no lighting the first night!!! You can imagine event he smallest crowds going through in the dark, and falling over those little wooden posts, cleverly wrapped in tiger tape..and bubble wrap.....

The main act on Thurs evening on mainstage, playing to , maybe about 300 people??? were a folk duo called John Spiers and John Boden (pictured here) and they were bloody good..now am proud owner of 2 new CDs!!!!!

Friday we had a lazy start to the day, breakfast in the adjoining hotel, shopping in the village shops for supplies..then I had a long phone call after which I was upset (so what's new I hear you say...) and my cousin waited patiently, then sat me down listened and talked, and made me a cup of tea, and didn't mind at all that we missed the afternoon at mainstage..he was an amazing and very astute listener and giver of advice..he is a trained legal arbiter and sums up evidence very succinctly!!!!! Dried tears and a big hug later, we were ready to go to the evening session...and what a great evening it was..more later.....

First pictures...

....of our cottage: the lounge, my bedroom 9ensuite of course!), the dining room and the view across the village square...see that blue front door? That is ours and the cottage is directly behind the pink flower basket on the lamp post. If it looks idyllic, it's because it was.

It was a very special place, physically and emotionally: a place I was worried about going to, but it was ok, and without knowing, my cousin had given me the space I needed, and spoiled me absolutely, because he wanted to, without asking for anything in return. Except the pleasure of my company, of course!

Amazing....

I'm in this totally amazing old stone cottage, in the village square of Wickham, the most gorgeous traditional English village, half an hour from Southampton..the shops round the square are olde worlde, and in between the butchers and the hairdressers is the old front door of Anchor Cottage, owned by the hotel just further up the street..they use it as an overfill..it is absolutely beautiful...large rooms, stone or wood floors, minimalistic, uncluttered, beautifully furnished..three double bedrooms, mine is en suite....one thing I did not expect was to get into bed, turn on the laptop and find an unsecured wireless connection through the 12" solid walls!!!

When Johnny arrived to pick me up, and we drove off down the road, a bit of me wanted to shout 'Stop, let me go home, I really don't want to do this...' it's bizarre, I hardly feel I know the guy although he's my cousin, and I'm going away for four days!!!!

Now we are here, and have walked down to the first evening of the festival....I was stunned...it is the first year of this festival, and it's tiny!!!! It's held partly in the village hall, and the mainstage is in the car park round the back..it's like being in a large school playground, with..I don't know, maybe 300 people sitting or standing around? I have counted three stewards, one security guy, (with radio) one guy in a yellow jacket, another guy in a suit, also with radio, he looks like 'Management'. We ate our dinner in the village hall, they are serving food all weekend, so we both had ham, egg and chips and a cup of tea in the main hall, sitting at a formica table....

I have also counted two blocks of portaloos, seven in one block, four in the other (inc one disabled). I have noted one temporary light which is leaning and looks a little unsteady...the side path round the side of the hall hasn't got enough lighting and there is a kerb, disabled access is crap..there are a few random bollards, which to give them their due, they have put stripy tiger tape on so no-one walks in to them...

I was worried when the main band came back on at 2 mins past 11 for an encore..what are their licence conditions???? As we were leaving, a single steward was standing in the dark at the side of the hall, pointing out the bollards and kerb, and cables (under rubber matting) and encouraging us to be safe and not trip. 'You need better lighting here,' I say, concerned, and she says, 'Yes, we know, we will have it tomorrow,' so I leave, happy, with the crowd of, oh at least 40 people at that point.....

Have I come to relax and enjoy the music? Sorry..I'll try.....

A lesson learned......

I have been computer literate for a long long time!!! But still learning, obviously.... re my previous post, Ode to as Lost File, I worked on my report at home and e-mailed it to myself at work. On Monday in the office, I opened said e-mail attachment and finished work on the report. Pretty sure I pressed save, but who knows........ lesson to all..if you open a document as an e-mail attachment, always press 'save as' and put it in a folder. Mine was just an attachment which saved itself (I think, if it saved at all! and agree with Shaun about this) in a temporary folder. I then went to e-mail the report to my student, and three months of work would be finished, out the way, happy bunny me...when I went to My Recent Documents, it wasn't there..first sign of impending doom.

To cut a long story medium, it's hard to find a document when it is in a temporary file somewhere like cjoo56k or any other number you wouldn't remember..so you have to start doing lots of strange deep delving searches..which I spent longer doing than finishing the report....

Today I will try what Shaun said in my comments, though to be fair I think I did all that and more yesterday..... but one more go won't hurt.

Why? Why go to all that bother when I could re-do the work in an hour? Well, I tried . Yesterday, I really tried. Writing her strengths, learning opportunities, engagement with clients and other professionals, putting theory into practice, of her understanding of values and ethics, so it goes on, with me giving examples work..all that took me an hour to finish on Monday.

But yesterday..I just couldn't! I tried. I made phone calls, checked e-mails, tidied my desk, went to sleep for a while - really! - but all the words that came out of my head so successfully yesterday have not only gone from the pc, also from my head. It's almost impossible to redo a piece of work..it's like my brain won't let me,,if I frustratingly can't remember what I wrote, I have to be creative and start again....yesterday I had to abandon it.

Well, this morning I have to redo it before leaving at lunchtime to go to my folk festival with my cousin...and I have s staff supervision session and a family visit to fit in...better get up then!!!!!!

If I can't blog til Sunday..be sure I will then.................see you xxx

It could only happen to me??????

Or so my friend Jacky says when she is rolling round the floor at my latest story.

I have a cousin, older than me who I haven't really seen much as I grew up, we lived at opposite ends of the country, then he was married, so hardly met up. Then in the last five years, we have met up at five funerals and a wedding... Uncle Bill, Aunty Sue, Aunty Terry (his mum) then cousin Tobie's wedding, then my mum and my dad..we got to know each other quite well and earlier this year James and I went to stay with them, and we discovered that we are both folk addicts, and also festival goers!

We said we must go to a music festival together!!! We haven't spoken in months and last week he rang out the blue and said would I like to go to a festival near here, this weekend? Um..yes thank you i said, envisaging driving to meet him somewhere just for Sat and Sun, maybe even go in my litte tent overnight!

No, he rings back, tickets are booked for the festival near Southampton, from Thurs to Sunday, no B&Bs around but he has found us a cottage for three nights! So he is driving down from Liverpool tomorrow to pick me up so we don't miss the opening band!!!!

So..four days with a guy I only see at weddings and funerals. Might be ok....I made Jacky laugh cos I was obviously worried about going but just couldn't say no..I said, 'And I teach assertiveness!'

Ode to a lost file....

Working so hard these past few days..finance meetings, paperwork, focus focus..hospital appointment for a scan..more of that later...

Then today, finally finished placement report on student, saved it and it seemed to go in a funny temporary file with letters and numbers..then I tried to e-mail it to her and couldn't find it..wasn't there under My Recent Documents..have actually spent more time looking for it than it took me to write, but I so wouldn't give up. Now I have, lost not found, and I have to do it again tomorrow and find all the right words, I worked so long and hard on it..........

Was going to go swimming tonight to celebrate joining gym properly..then got an e-mail from Jacky saying, 'Would you like to come round for supper tonight?' Suddenly I liked being spontaneous again, and yes I would please, we had fun and a laugh..I am so blessed with good friends..near and far ..thank you...

Tiring weekend...

Busy, not easy, and now when I remember how much work I brought home to do, I have tried to do it but am too tired......managed another swim today, 19 lengths, and also have joined, with Rosemarie, the health club, in an effort to make me go more often, go to classes, and who knows, I may even get a personal trainer to start me off on getting fitter and slimmer......

Can't blog, sorry need to sleep......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

As I thought...

Pixie Dog has gone home. And I have a tub of clotted Devon cream. And a smoked buttered trout. Aren't I lucky!

Met Rosemarie and swam 20 lengths after work. Must do that more often, it was lovely.

Bother, bother, bother...

Dur...I had Steve Lawson in my diary for last night. I have been to the last Recycle Collective gigs and didn't want to miss this one, the launch of his new album - which I have and it's brilliant! Anyway, obviously DC wasn't around to go with, I couldn't persuade James or Laura to come with me..and so when Laura invited me for a girly night out I decided to do that instead, on the grounds that...a. it was yet another not and humid evening and could I really face going up to London???? and b. I would have to go on my own, and wasn't quite in the mood for that, feeling a bit low, last time there was no-one I knew there, but everyone else seemed to know everyone else, and I wasn't sure I could cope with feeling Sally no mates at the moment.

But when I log on to various blogs, what do I find? Steve's blog tells me it was brilliant (there's a surprise!) but not only that, I discover that the gig was on Wednesday night anyway, not Thursday! (I think I have made this mistake before!) so I could have gone..and then I check out Jude's blog, and lo and behold, a huge GB crowd have gone along, so I would have people to be with after all....but then I think, maybe not, they might not have wanted me, and I would have been alone in a corner, so best I didn't go then......

Somewhere along the road I have lost a bit of confidence....I'm going to try and stop looking for it and tormenting myself with my own inner monologue.....

I may have to keep her....

...Pixie dog is so lovely and she has settled in well... here she is in the garden waiting for Laura to throw the ball...again....look at the picture carefully..can you see anything that's missing???? She is the fastest dog on three legs...

Today at work I discovered the top of my left arm to be painful..I realised it is muscle pain due to the hundreds of times, as I sat on the sun lounger last night, I threw the ball up the garden...

I think Sophie likes her new friend, they are getting on very well.

Earlier this week I had an e-mail from Laura, suggesting a girly night out with shopping, food and the cinema. I lvoe my baby girl! Just what I needed. So tonight we headed off to the Galleria and did a little shopping - she was getting me to try some clothes, but admitted my new found shape was something of a problem, so we gave up on that..but I bought some make-up and lvoely smelly things at the Body Shop, and I found a useful white t shirt at the M&S outlet store...

Then it was time to go to Mama Amalfi's and collapse over some rather good Italian food, and have a chat. I am pleased to say my re-telling of the carpet man story (see blog below) had the desired effect.....

For someone who has had trouble sleeping recently, and has been awake many nights til gone 2am, you would think going to see a film starting at 9.45pm would cause no problem...but no, as usual, sit me somewhere comfy and warm and I'm off...I was actually asleep before, through the trailers, and had lots of little sleeps through the film. Actually, Laura said she never saw me awake. But I was sometimes, I do remember some of it..Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn in Breaking Up. Believe me, I didn't miss much. Laura really liked it though...she dropped me off and I was greeted by not one but two happy, licky doggies who were more pleased to see me than life itself. Aaaaah....

Two black doggies to play with! And other stuff....

Yes, Pixie Dog arrived in the end! After going to bed and trying to sleep cos I was soooo tired....end up exchanging text messages with DC at 1am (I know I could have turned my phone off, my choice) the 'what time do you call this?' variety and him saying he had had a good leaving do, John had taken Alan to casualty, Mark had had to go home, so he had gone out for a late meal with Sue, Karen and Anna, oh, sorry, had he forgotten to text me earlier, he thought he had.....

Not that any of this annoyed me of course, I decided to end communications and try and sleep...by that time it was 1.30am and I have never been so wide awake in all my life......stomach ache, head ache, the heat......

So at 2am I got up, fetched lap top and did an hour's research.....on what I hear you ask? Well as I say on my blog, sorry, I am honest and talk about death and sex..and politics..well death, anyway...but I share what is going on, as Liz says, this blog is as much for me as anyone else......

I researched the menopause...here I am 53, going slowly mad, not coping, falling apart..and really, for no good reason....I used to be a strong person...can't be on anti-depressants for ever, can't have bereavement counselling for ever...so..search results..some of you will thank me for this one day.......

There is something called the peri-menopause which can hit for a few years before the real thing, generally between 40 and 50..well here I am at 3 and no sign of the real thing..but symptoms of the peri whatsit? Weight gain..yes, I look about 9 months pregnant which is horrible.....mood swings, depression, yes yes and yes again...lack of concentration..oh yes, the mistakes I am making, the things I am forgetting at work......difficulty in sleeping...yes!! lack of libido/interest in sex....er no, not that one, this is me we are talking about..that's about the only bloody symptom that would be useful......

So I decide I'm not going mad, it must be hormones..so I research treatments apart form the dreaded HRT..I buy a packet of black cohosh tablets which my doctor recommended, a homeopathic 'natural' treatment for menopause symptoms..and a packet of St Johns Wort for mild depression. I took one each yesterday.

Last night, my friend Jacky who is a nurse, came round to dog walk with me..I talked to her and showed her the black cohosh (as recommended by GP a few weeks ago...) she said, oh that was in the paper this week, it causes liver damage, don't take it. But my GP said it was good...yes, but that was last week, this week it is dangerous....oh I give up, £16 down the drain and I've only taken one...she's going to recommend something else which is safe this week....

Anyway, the doggies had a lovelywalkk, Pixie has settled in, she is just gorgeous and I was still throwing a tennis ball up the garden for her to fetch at 11.30pm....she is an excellent 3 legged runner ..today I will take some pics to share.

This is a test stay while the owners are inDevonn for a couple of days. Hope they arehavingg a lvoely time..as Pixie is happy I can have her for a whole week in August while they go on a family holiday to France......they had better bring me back a pot of sodding clotted cream...

Long day....

..started with an encounter with a carpet cleaning man (of course I was taking to the dog, that's my story and I'm sticking to it....)

Better day than yesterday, which I won't go into, but I am stressed which is affecting my stomach, so I am in a bit of pain and not eating much at all, drinking water mainly, and have actually lost a few pounds so that's good....not even eating chocolate....that's worrying...

Have been at the laptop all evening, well from 9pm til midnight anyway, working on my Final Report for my social work student. It's not finished but enough for tonight! Now it's gone 12 and I have been waiting for a phone call from one DC (I'll call after 9.30pm) yes, well after......about the doggie arrangements for tomorrow. I am having 3 legged Pixie Dog while D and H go on a little holiday to Devon for a couple of days..I have my uses...I think I'll give up and go to bed and hope D and doggie turn up before I need to leave for work...if he is still out in London at his leaving do, I doubt it......

It could only happen to me....

This morning a carpet cleaning man came to have a go at some stubborn stains on the lounge carpet (probably coffee, ok?) and when he came in Sophie dog barked furiously, as dogs are wont to do. It was early and I hadn't dried my hair yet. 'I'll just get my stuff in from the van' he said having introduced himself (youngish, very big built in a football, rugby kind of way,). 'Ok,' I said, 'I'll just finish drying my hair.' 'No problem,' he said. Sophie continued barking and being annoying so as I got half way up the stairs I said in my very firm voice, 'Right, come on, upstairs with me - now.'

I turned at the top of the stairs to see Sophie and very shocked carpet man both staring up at me from the bottom of the stairs....'Um...I was talking to the dog,' I said. 'Oh, ok, I'll just get my stuff'...' said carpet man disappearing out the front door.......

And the end of one......

Stayed in bed reading while Clive went to church..although I was left with the instruction that it might be good to tidy up a bit as his mother was coming for lunch..quite true...James came and found me in my room, after my shower, and yes, I was crying.....let's face it, the depression hasn't gone away, but usually I can hide it from my kids...he hugged me and said he missed grandma and grandpa too....I couldn't say, actually, this isn't really about them it's about me feeling cr*p, so I didn't, which makes me feel dishonest.

Bless him he made me coffee and toast, and we talked in the garden before I set to doing some cleaning and tidying. Clive was going to fetch his mum after church, but as he came home feeling decidedly dizzy and wobbly and sick, he went to bed and James set off for Hillingdon. I cleared and washed the kitchen floor, made raspberry brulee (yum), hoovered, then changed and looked radiant for mum in law and children's arrival!

We sat in the garden and had a lvoeyl bbq, thanks to Mec's bbq skills (it's a blokey thing) and the raspberry brulee went down very well. I even managed time on the sun lounger to read my book and have a snooze! Clive and his mum went to church (again, I feel such a heathen) and having spoken to a friend on the phone and just got upset, I went for a dog walk with Jill, and cried most of the time. Jill is a lovely friend whom I have known for twenty years now, and she doesn't cry. She can't do it. Never has. How she puts up with me I'll never know!!!!

Persuaded Clive, who was feeling better, to take his mum home and stay there the night, save him driving back again at 6.30am, and went to church with James - not for a service but for him to practise his best man'' speech for next weekend. He is incredibly nervous, given his vocal problems, but he has written a good one, very funny and he has learnt it and delivers it well. He took some advice on delivery from me, went through it twice and called it a night. He'll be ok.

So now he's gone, and it's just me Sophie and the laptop.....maybe I'll just go to bed and feel better in the morning...what's the alternative? Don't ask....

Sorry, these two blogs are probably best deleted for being a. boring and b. miserable. But hey, what you see is what you get. I'll try and do better next time, Night x

The start of a weekend......

I was looking forward to it, after a busy weekend last weekend, and then a hectic week, I needed some 'me' time, I think they call it, so after Clive went to work I got up and got busy..music on, breakfast in the garden....put washing on, tidied a bit, just kept busy..but there is a bit of me that doesn't want to be alone, and craves company, and hopes the phone will ring or someone will pop by for coffee...it didn't happen, and although of course I have friends I could call..something made me stick with it and use the time..I can be alone, it's ok......

I actually made myself go into the messy room downstairs that has become a junk room and is still full of my parents' stuff....I brought a few boxes into the kitchen and went throughout them, crockery, cutlery, glasses, ornaments..letters, which of course I started reading, and the tears started flowing.....it was actually ok, I sorted through a lot of stuff, I read stuff, put a few boxes out for a charity shop and decided which bits I was keeping..I just cry through it all, but at least I did it..I kept expecting James to arrive, or maybe Laura to ring, but no..no-one..and why should they????

After Clive came back we sorted out some glasses, and having discovered James was arriving later, I decided to go shopping....which I did, after having a complete breakdown sitting in the car in the car park....I don't do weekends well do I?

I did a very, very, big shop and came back to unpack and find James there.....he had persuaded Clive, Laa and Mec to go to see Superman Returns, and so I went too...not overly keen I must admit, but the alternative was staying in on my own, and I thought, no......

Besides, the film gave me the opportunity to have a little sleep.....it wasn't the best film, but the after film discussion made me proud of my off spring who had both picked out the religious, Christian symbolism....Sunday School wasn't all wasted then....

That was a Saturday night I'll never get back....given that it was a late showing, I got back to check e-mails at gone midnight, to discover Liz had e-mailed me instructions for how to do Instant Messaging..just as I logged on, lo and behold, Liz appeared on line and somehow I didn't get to bed til 2am......that works then.....