I made it!!!!!

Yes, I made it, and boy, was it worth it! I finally made the 6th Recycle Collective gig hosted by the lvoely Steve Lawson, (and Pab, I lvoe the blog world, although I know and love Steve from GB, we don't really know each other and haven't seen each other to have a conversation in about two years! but as I arrive at Darbucka's, Steve gives me a big hug and says, 'Hi, you made it at last! You've been threatening to come to one of these gigs for months! And how is it going with your driving? Are you still on 12 points? You kept your licence though? And how are things at work now, ok?' and I say, 'Fine, thank you, and what about you, did you hire a car ok to get to the gig?')

Arriving at Darbucka's world music bar (when I mention the names I'm going to be lazy and leave you to click on Steve's blog for the links, and his his review of the gig!) is like stepping into the Arabian nights: it is dark, atmospheric, with low stools and seating, cushions and soft furnishings full of dark eastern promise, low solid wood tables with tea lights...I head for a bench seat in the far corner, with a good view of the stage and DC and I settle down with our drinks and wait....(more about this part of the evening in a separate blog!!!!!)

Steve kicks off - and if and when I get permission from Steve to use a photo from his gallery, I'll pop one in - straight away my eyes are closed, and the music just enters my soul and soothes me from the inside out. For the technicalities of the music, read Steve's blog - for the sound - well listen to it yourself, I can't describe it, I just love it. He plays a couple of tracks from his new CD which is being burned almost as we speak, and I know I must order one.

After a couple of solo pieces, Steve invites Andrea Hazell, who sings with the Royal Opera, and is sitting with us at our table (see next blog!) to join him, to do some improvised looping singing..I am apprehensive, opera is really not my thing, and I am not sure...but it grows on me, and when they perform Dido's Lament, once again I am transported to another level, voice and guitar blend as one, working together, and I am won over.

If I thought that was good, I was unprepared for what followed! An American violinist, Todd Reynolds, with a violin, AppleMac, a bit of electronic wizardry..and the most amazing talent! Once again, you have to hear it/see it for yourself, but the most wonderful music, energy and passion flowed from that man and his violin, and I know I just never wanted it to end. He played two long pieces, one untitled, and one called 'The Solution'. Both brilliant. before one piece, Todd said, 'be careful listening to this, it'll mess with your head'. I laughed. But as the room filled with layer upon layer of music, like a full orchestra from just one man, there I was with my eyes closed, and suddenly inside my head was competely empty and still, like a dark cave, and it just filled and expanded with the music, it was really inside my head, until there was nothing but the music, and I was transported to a peace and relaxation and yet an energy for life I cannot explain. I did not want it to end....

When I opened my eyes, as Todd began his next piece, I saw sitting in front of me, the silhouette of what looked like a small, lonely gnome, sitting cross legged on a low stool, enthralled by Todd's music, and I so wanted to get up and sit next to him, and give him a hug and say, thank you, Steve, for this music, and for this moment. But I didn't move...the thought was there...and now I've said it....

The three joined together, with another singer, Julie, to improvise and finish the evening, and this time I had to watch all of them working and playing together in real time, beautiful harmony and sensitivity. Sitting next to me was one very stressed out management consultant, near the end of a hard week, dressed in a suit and tie and so feeling slightly out of tune with the gig...but as the last piece filled the room, I realised his head had fallen against my shoulder and the breathing was deep and slow, and he was still....after the music faded away into a silence that no-one wanted to break by clapping, he opened his eyes. 'You went to sleep didn't you?' I asked. 'No, actually I didn't, I was listening to the music and was just incredibly relaxed.'

I know exactly what he meant....

What Sally did next...

...was sit quietly at an outdoor table and looked after the bags once again while J and K went on the Glass Elevator. A sign said, not suitable for those with motion sickness, so I was not allowed to go, and happily sat enjoying being alive and feeling better, and sad to report, happily and proudly texting friends that it was only twenty past ten, and I had been sick already! If only I had my lap top......

So...to the rest of the day. Let me share a couple of the rides. Which would you prefer? J and K next went on Oblivion, and yes, I held their bags. And took photos:
I know you can't see them, but there they are, suspended for a moment before being dropped like a stone into a black hole in the ground, and I could hear the screaming long after the ride disappeared, then out of the tunnel they came, everyone screaming and lvoing it. Mad!!!!!!

As we walked on round the park, I saw a ride I wanted to go on. It looked perfect. Would J and K come on with me? No, they would not, this time they would hold the bags....ok, I'll go on my own, blow you..I left K with my phone to take a picture to prove I could go on a high ride on my own..really on my own, not another soul was on it at all.....

I climbed the tree carefully to the top and got into Squirrel Nutty's ride round Story Land. Gentle music accompanied me through the trees, and the tree house tunnel, and little nursery rhyme figures peeped round each corner..I went round twice, a ride which was pleasant, enjoyable, no queues and lasted far longer than the 45 seconds of the nasty rides. Pure joy.

As I climbed out and made my way down from the tree house, I spotted the sign that told me this ride had not been without risk, and I had been very brave...
but they didn't strap me in, but trusted me to sit still and behave.... having found the part of the Theme Park I liked, with no other visitors, and I do not exaggerate, it was Empty..I headed for Macdonald's Farm and the tractor
ride..that was good fun, and I had a horn I could sound, and steered carefully round all the corners, which creased K as she pointed out the tractor was on a self-guiding rail..... actually someone else came on the ride with me, but when I turned and took a picture said, 'If you publish that picture on the Web, I'll kill you' with such venom that I believed her...so sorry, no can do...... (but can I post the lvoeyl picture with the singing pig? Oh. please....)

I have no pictures of the gentle boat ride through the farm, with music and birdsong and clues to guess animals, and when you had guessed the animal, you had to press the right button on the boat to make the animal noise...J and K got on the boat saying, 'We can't believe we are going on the children's rides, this is so embarrassing..' then next minute they're quarrelling over whose turn it is to press a button..'It's not fair, you guessed last time..' Soon we gave up taking it in turns and were pressing all of our buttons at once, so the air was alive with mooing, buzzing, quacking, neighing, barking..And I thought, who can I ring and share this with....Oh, Liz, guess which ride we are on......

There was the lunch break, the donuts, the golf range where I almost won a new car...The Log Flume, the River Rapids, where J got so wet....It was excellent, excellent fun, we laughed ...and at the end of the day, when I was warm and dry in the driving seat of my car, in control of my life once more..I smiled and ate M and Ms all the way home....after stopping to sleep for half an hour in a service station as I was so tired..thank you guys for inviting me. I lvoe you!

Day Two of Our Adventures...

We left the hotel early, to take full advantage of the fact that the Theme park opens an hour earlier just for hotel customers for three of the Big Rides..and we wouldn't want to miss them, would we? So I follow the Keen Two, rucksacks bobbing on their backs, to the bottom of the car park to reach the Woodland Walk to the Theme Park. Unfortunately we reach a dead end, a wire fence, a couple of rubbish skips and some work men who think we are lost already...so we decide to give up on the healthy option and head for the mono-rail to get on the little train which runs us to the Theme Park. It is a pleasant ride, over the tops of the buildings and gardens, steady and slow, very pleasant, I've had my ride, seen the park, can I go home now?

No, we head to nemesis where I take one look and shake my head, and so hold the bags and coats of J and K who join the screaming few who are strapped in and hurled about at 90 miles an hour, upside down, sideways, there is a lot of screaming, and they emerge 50 seconds later, delighted with their experience. I couldn't even look.

I can tell J and K are getting worried that I won't have a Good Time today, I tell them I am happy being there, don't worry..but they tell me enthusiatically all about the next ride Air..it's not too bad, it's more gentle, you feel like you're flying..really, I'll like it..I take a look, but I'm really not sure, and a little internal discussion takes place in my head..oh no, I don't think so, oh go on, you know you want to, don't be a wuss, it looks fun, take a risk, join in, actually I love the feeling of flying, I'll go for it. So..Yes, I say, I'm in, much to the delight of J and K.

Next minute I am firmly pinned down by iron bars across my body and even cuffs round my ankles. I can't move. J and K are watching me like hawks. I try and hide the slight panic and feelings of claustrophobia....then suddenly the seats tip forward 90 degrees and we are facing the concrete. the ride starts slowly, and it is indeed like flying..it's ok..it picks up speed, faster and faster, and I am still ok until the sudden awful changes in direction which leaves your stomach and brain trying to catch up and I have to close my eyes and think of something else while I am hurtled through the air..then the ride flips 180 degrees and instead of facing the ground I am on my back facing the sky, then the ground again, then shooting to my right, then left..just as I am wondering how I can survive this, it stops, and I am released, with J and K still looking at me..I have made it..'yes, that was good fun' I say with a weak smile.'Oh, good' they say, happily.

Next we come across the Blade, which is just a large swing boat. How bad can that be? I like swing boats, gentle, backwards and forwards, no sudden movements, yes I am up for that, to J and K's great delight. Things are looking up. We get on the very back seat - of course - because that is where you swing highest. the boat starts, slowly backwards and forwards, I feel the wind in may hair, that lvoely swinging feeling..yes, J and K are still anxiously watching me and I smile and say 'Weeee' and wave my arms in the air and do all the right things..this is fun..then the swing boat gets higher and higher, and faster, until we swing so high I am almost upside down..a slight pause at the top, then down with such speed and force that my stomach is almost in my mouth..then a pause at the top the other side..then the same backwards and I realise I am really starting to feel sick. The good thing about these rides is that they are mercifully short, and so it is over, and I climb off, slightly wobbly. 'That was fun,' I smile. K looks at me. 'Would you like to sit down?' 'Yes please.' We sit on a bench and I do deep breathing and try and keep control. I say I must be sensible, and not over so it, I have such a sensitive stomach.

After a rest I am feeling better and we decide to head over to the Charlie and the Chocolate factory ride. I want to go in the glass elevator and see the oomph lamp's. It's a long walk, or we can take the cable car. Oh yes, I say, I love cable cars, no problem. So we get in a cable car with a few chatting teenagers, and we start talking, and the cable car moves out over the valley, over the trees tops...and suddenly, I know, for no apparent reason, all is lost. K looks at my face, and She Knows. She urges J to move quickly out of my way, and though I really, really, try not to....yes, I see my breakfast again. And so does everybody else. The chatting teenagers fall into a stunned and horrified silence, and when the cable car stops and the doors open, they jump over seats and fall over each other to get out. I am frantically trying to say sorry to everyone......

J and K are looking worried, and saying how guilty they feel, and I say no, I take responsibility for myself and my decisions. I say, I have feared this, since the memory of the very first year GB had a fair, and I was persuaded onto the waltzer by D Cullen and the mini Cullens, and despite my refusals, they wouldn't take no for an answer, and so as not to appear a kill joy, I went on..and vomited all over them for the entire ride. DC got most of it. One of the most unpleasant and embarrassing experiences of my life. I had to be escorted to my tent and left to lie down and hope to die....

J and K listen to this story and look at me in a 'Now you tell us..' kind of way....

The adventure continued....

After a fun day in the water, the Intrepid Three booked into their room at the Spl*shl*nds hotel, still in our white robes, 'borrowed' from the spa, with the agreement that we would return them there before 8pm....and what's the first thing you do after a day in water world? Have a shower!!! K went first, while I collapsed on the tiny bottom bunk and J worked out how to climb the ladder to the top bunk while she was still sober. She worried about how she would feel later, returning to such a brightly coloured room - even the carpet was like sand and water, with crabs and shell fish on..all suitably water-themed....

The plan was to meet a GB friend, G at a nearby pub- half an hour's drive away. Being the sober person, I offered to drive, much to J's delight, and she would navigate. She knew where we were going. Should I programme the sat-nav? No, no need. Right.

After driving for an hour and twenty minutes, in what felt like circles, and passing junctions with signs to Alton Towers, and even taking those roads sometimes, J gives in and makes a phone call to G, and we programme the sat nav to find North Staffs A&E and G will meet us there. The girls are suitably impressed by the sat nav having the hospital programmed in under 'Places of Interest' and we find it quite easily..Apart from J arguing with 'Freda'as she names the Voice, and as she was holding the sat nav in her hands, turning the sat nav round to see if the arrow would move like a compass.....

I have to say the pub we arrived at was not one I would normally spend an hour and twenty minutes driving to: part of a chain called 'The Hungry Horse' and full of people eating burger and chips, but then I'm a southern snob (no, K was with me on this..) but it turned out fine, the guys were friendly..K pulled with the manager..(oops, if S is reading this, only joking...) the food was fine and we had a good time with G. K and J had a good time with a reasonable quantity of white wine.

I insisted on programming the sat nav to get us back to Alt*n T*wers as a. It was late and dark and d. J was merry and not to be relied upon. I also wouldn't let her hold the sat nav and put it up on its cradle, getting very firm with her, and she looked very hurt. It was hard to concentrate on the sat nav with her in competition, the roads were hilly and windy and it took nearly an hour to get back..and it was past my bed time!!!!!

We were all tucked up in bed by midnight, K in the double (lucky lucky) and me and J in the bunks. All was well until we started the usual reminiscing..J to K''Do you remember Sally's face when she came off the Mega Blaster?' and that sort of thing..and I remembered getting stuck in the rubber ring, and just got the silent giggles..all J and K could hear was the bunk bed creaking, and J was worried about the shaking of it..until we were all helpless...oh, I've only got to the end of Day One.....

Welcome to Spl*shl*nd

The first day....a quiet introduction to Alt*n T*wers, when J,K and me went into the hotel spa and did some serious catching up whilst sitting with our feet in foot spas, lying on heated ceramic loungers, or sitting in the gorgeous jacuzzi. Fortunately it was very quiet, we had the place almost to ourselves.

Then there was lunch, while we were still dressed in our white towelling bathrobes, and it was warm enough to sit out on the terrace, to continue talking and sharing, and enjoying a lovely lunch.

Afterwards, back to the spa, to lie in the meditation room, a warm, dark, scented room, with heated ceramic loungers, calm music and star lights on the ceiling. It was an oasis of calm and we could have laid there for a while, letting our lunch go down, only after one minute, K said the room made her feel sick so we all had to leave. Remember that when you think I'm a wuss for getting sick on a scary ride.....

After a short sit in the steam room, and then the Roman sauna, and a last visit to the jacuzzi, we decided we were calm enough to cope with a visit to Caribba Creek, the Spl*shl*nd complex attached to the other hotel.

Again, this huge water complex was amazingly quiet, very few visitors, so we could explore it at our leisure, finding the climbing tower, water pistols, the Tipping Bucket and so on. Of course I was taken up to the Mega Blaster water shute, and persuaded to sit on a large rubber ring, hold on tight to the handles and be pushed down the shute. OMG!!!! The first three seconds were fine, then the speed got out of control and I was shooting down into a dark tunnel and in fear of my life. As I came out of the tunnel I was suddenly going uphill on a kind of conveyor belt (visible in the picture below) with my bum, in the middle of the ring, bumping on the track below the water. Ow. As I got to the top, the water cleverly spun me round, and I disappeared into another tunnel and headed down it literally backwards, head first like a backward facing luge, and unable to see where I was going..then, splosh, I arrived in the splash pool.

K and J took one look at my face, and just wet themselves..did I want to go again..no thank you.... I did go down another shoot on a different coloured rubber ring, which wasn't quite so bad...and was persuaded down two shutes without a ring, and raced J and K to the bottom.

Then we swam through a plastic curtain and found ourselves outside in the Wubbly Bubbly pool which was an outdoor hot tub, and was so nice we stayed there a long time, relaxing and talking....

Oh joy, we then discovered the lvoely little river, which went round a large oval rock, with a gentle river current and water falls, and you could climb on a rubber ring and simply float round the river. K and J found a rubber ring. They then attempted to get me on it..they were pushing, I was pulling, and kept collapsing with laughter and falling down the middle. With no dignity left, I was eventually heaved up on to the ring, and happily floated round the river, joined by J and K . The occasional push off a rock was required to get you through tiny waterfalls....of course I got stuck at one point, K sailed by, unable to move me, and I eventually had to ask a little girl of about 6 swimming by to give me a push.

When it was time to go, one simply had to guide one's ring to the side and jump off, and climb out. Mmmm. J and K did just that and waited for me. I tried to lever myself off the rubber ring and failed, and so floated gently by with them gesticulating at me to come in... I sailed round the whole circular river again, helpless with laughter, knowing that without help I was destined to sail forever....

Fortunately, J and K had guessed my dilemma, and when I came round the rock at the third attempt, they kidnapped me, manhandled me to the side and to the steps and forcibly tipped me out of the rubber ring where I had become wedged. Oh, how we laughed.......

Ok, I own up....

...going to Alton Towers wasn't the most obvious choice for a day out for me. But the lvoely Jo and Karen had invited me, and besides, I'll try anything once...well, almost anything..I cannot understand the concept of people paying good money to be strapped into things which turn you upside down and inside out and spin up, down and sideways at 90 miles an hour, so that your brains come out of your ears. Or in my case, your breakfast comes out of your mouth.

At 10.20am..only an hour after entering the park, and after risking two 'tame????' rides, I threw up. On the Alton Towers cable car ride. Hundreds of feet up. With a captive audience of fellow cable car riders. Sorry. I knew that cooked breakfast was a mistake.

Anyway, that's enough for now. That should 'whet' you appetite to hear about the rest of the two days. The details tomorrow. With pictures!

A year on....

..as Caroline said, what a difference a year makes. This time last year was awful, mourning my mum, my dad really ill at home and a real worry, me nearly losing my job, getting four speeding tickets in two months and nearly losing my licence...and the year has been hard.

I feel quite a different person (well, I would if I got half a chance..stop it...) one who can walk the dog and enjoy the surroundings, the bird song, and not cry the whole time, or need to ring good friends to cry to and talk to while walking. When the pain was too much to bear. I am down to a pill every other day, and my counsellor is so pleased with me!!!
Ok, so I cried before the cup final, when the crowd sang 'Abide with me' but we did have it at my dad's funeral, and the words absolutely get to me, and it was Liverpool playing, and I would have been watching it with my dad once upon a time....I do miss them, I had a cry, then watched Liverpool win the cup. Triffic.

I encouraged GOM2 out on two further dog walks over the weekend, and we threw balls for hours on end for his dog, while my dog ambled about in a sniffy, enjoy the ambiance sort of way. I took this picture, (above)facing up to the sky, through the canopy of new leaves.

Even tho I bought two extra balls with me, we still had to search for hours if a ball disappeared into greenery. DC can be very focused when he wants to, and doesn't notice when I and both dogs have lost interest and continued with the walk. leaves.....

Reminds me of the focus he had when a crowd of us did a post-it note exercise one weekend, and DC stood facing a wall covered in post-it notes, and sorted them out into themes. His concentration was so intense, he didn't notice 20+ people leave the room, and turned round on completion of his task to find himself all alone.....

Anyway, a year on, and I have some time for me, time and space which I am really valuing and enjoying. Tomorrow I am taking 2 days off work and joining 2 friends at Alton Towers - just for fun!! Never been before - I'm really looking forward to it. My bag is packed..only one more sleep....

Welcome to my world.....

..it's a bit late really, to welcome my regular readers to my world....but sometimes I think I do inhabitat a parallel universe..strange things just happen to me!

Take last Thursday..oh, this involves two friends, DS and DC, neither of home I have seen for weeks..really...then, like buses, two come along at once..anyway, there I was happily working on Thursday afternoon, when I get a text from DC, saying he is in St Albans having finished a meeting early, and would I like a tea break to catch up and chat? Never knowingly one to refuse a tea break, I agree to meet in 'the usual place', ie Puccinos, round the corner, where I am rather well known as a regular. I am there at least once a week, occasionally more: last two recent visits were with Caroline and Laura.

So I set off to Puccinos, laughing to myself, because as it happens, I had lunch in there with DS, not two hours before. And I had had a laugh with two of the lovely waiters - as I paid the bill, I noticed, because nothing gets past me, that one glanced at me, said something to the other, he glanced at me and both smiled. It was fleeting, a nano second, but I Noticed. Given that they are not English, I didn't know what was said, so I challenged my waiter. 'Was he rude just then?' Smirk. 'No.' 'Come on, what did he say?' Silence. 'What did he say about me?' DS starts to get nervous, sally is not going to let this go. Waiters look at each other and smirk. (What do you think they said? Before I tell you.....make a mental note and see if you guess correctly....)

'We are Czech, and he said that you look like the wife of the Czech prime minister.' Well either it was true or he was a bloody quick thinker. I am trying to find pictures of her..no luck so far........

So in I walk, meeting DC at the door, and I say, 'Hi guys, long time no see,' to the smiling waiters, and DC says, 'My turn to come in for tea with her this time', knowing I have been recently with C and L.' Of course smirking Czech people know better, and ok, they are probably thinking, what a tart.

Anyway, we sit on the sofa, which is happily free, and I turn to DC and say, I've been thinking. Thinking what dear, he says, in anticipation of me sharing my innermost thoughts. 'I've been thinking, I probably look like the wife of the Czech prime minister.' Stunned silence. Mouth open a bit. 'Ummmm..pardon?' I repeat it, and then he laughs, and looks at me like I am mad, and says, 'Where did that come from?' 'I don't know, I just think I might.' DC studies the menu, half laughing and actually, on a rare occasion for him, lost for words. How does he respond to this?

The waiter comes up for our order..(is he still smirking?) DC orders a latte. 'I'll have a cafe creme..and shall I ask him, he might know if I'm right.' 'What?' says DC..'How...' 'Excuse me,' I say, 'Do you think I look like the wife of the Czech prime minister?' ''Yes, definitely,' says Czech waiter and departs with our order, grinning.

'Told you', I say. DC looks like he really has tipped up in a parallel universe and he doesn't know what to do. This tea break was not normal. By which time I could not keep up casual strangeness, and have to collapse, confessing I was in here two hours ago, and telling him about the earlier conversation.

And I'm not sure the bruises are going to heal......

So tired......

I forget that some of us are not as young as we were..Sophie is coming up for 14, in dog years, and in human years that is almost 98! She is so lively and frisky, you wouldn't know, except for the increasing greyness -aren't we all! - but now that I am more keen to go out for long spring walks, I suddenly realised that on the home-ward journey I am alone..and there, a little way behind me, is a tired dog, walking slowly and trying not to limp....and collapsing in her basket is definitely on her mind.....
But if you saw her jumping and running up and down to the door beforehand asking to go out for a walk....I need to remember not to stay out so long.......

The world is full of......

..Grumpy Old Men. I should know. I know two of them. GOM1 cam home from work on Friday evening and sank onto the sun lounger next to mine - I woke up from my spring evening snooze and tried to make pleasant conversation, but it was comical how Grumpy the responses were..when I shared about the French market visiting St Albans (cheese? olives? you can buy those on the ordinary market, not very original...) the building work going on next door (what have the builders done today, I can't see much change..) and so on, a negative comment to everything I said, until I said, actually, I'm not going to talk to you any more, and went back to sleep. There was a Grumpy sort of 'Hmmph' sound and he read the paper.

He went off to a lecture by a Christian writer, Keith Ward, he has been reading his books and is well impressed. I declined to join him to hear 'Is religion more dangerous than God?' in favour of a warm spring evening dog walk, which is developing into a lovely habit with me and Sophie.....

Next minute GOM2 rings to chat on his way back from a full day of Important Business Meetings, and on discovering that GOM1 is out, and his wifey and daughter are also out, he suggests calling in for a coffee and a chat. 'Or we could meet for a dog walk,' I suggest chirpily. There is silence. 'A dog walk?' 'Yes.' (He doesn't, as a rule, walk their dog. Not in his job description. Sees it as a chore.) 'I'm very tired, have been up since 6.30am, just want to collapse.' 'Nonsense, if wifey and daughter are not there, you dog must need a walk, and the fresh air will do you good, come on, meet you there in 20 mins.' A discussion ensued in which I realised he really, really didn't want to walk the dog, and so being the empathetic, caring person I am, I started saying, 'OK, no worries, we won't go for a walk, just come round for coffee', then GOM2 was saying, in that slightly sulky way, 'No, no, you obviously want to walk your dog, we'll do that, it's ok,' and so it went on until we met in the Wick. All week I have enjoyed the peace of the woods, the green spring leaves on the trees, the blue bells in abundance, the amazing bird song, and warm evening sun sprinkling through the trees. And as Jude says on her blog, sometimes you just have to share these things!

Even as I reached the Wick, I started to feel chilly in my T shirt - it had clouded over..never mind. GOM2 and 3 legged dog appeared, and I could tell immediately we were sulking. I was in such a good mood, that GOM1 or GOM2 could not dampen, so I continued to chat happy thoughts, as GOM2 threw the ball for his normally energetic dog..and she sat down. He tried again..and she sat down. He decided her one remaining back leg must be causing trouble, but I could see by the way she sat down, it was something else. Her bum was annoying her. As she moved, I could see something..oh dear..she has a bum problem, I said. It ended up with me trying to hold doggy still while GOM2 investigated under the tail and removed something with his hand in a plastic bag. He was not happy. I was laughing. At this point it started raining.......

Let's walk in the wooded bit to shelter from the rain, I said. The other reason for avoiding the field was that it was full of Friday night excited teenagers with bikes, tinnies and a lot of shouting...one could harldy hear the birds singing. This did not impress GOM2 either.' 'I thought you said it was peacful here?' Well, yes, on any other night, and also it was sunny every other evening...

So we continued our walk, in the woods, with a now comfortable 3L dog anxious to play ball. GOM2 has a long yellow plastic stick thing with a ball cup on the end, and if you use it properly, it throws the ball miles without hurting your back. When the dog returns the ball, you simply push the cup onto it, and so pick the ball up without having to bend down. Genius for dog owners with bad backs. I wanted a go. Careful, says GOM2, as we are in the woods, throw it straight or we'll lose it.' I lob the ball, experimenting with the yellow plastic stick, not exactly a straight shot, and the ball flies out sideways, hits a tree and flies into the middle of a clump of nettles. Opps, sorry, I say, laughing, then realise my companion is not laughing. Instead there isa resigned sigh, a stiff smile, and next minute he is in the middle of the nettles (the dog, of course, refuses to go in) smashing about with the yellow stick trying to find the ball. I join in, saying sorry a lot and trying not to laugh. We look for a while. No luck. Oh leave it I say - it was very old, chewed tennis ball - not Wimbledon standard - but with clenched jaw, he carries on swiping at nettles and looking determinedly for the ball.

Never mind, just get another one. Oh yes, just get an other ball, plenty more where that came from, says GOM2, still face down in nettles, so I retire to a nearby log to reflect that, how strange it is, when you think you know someone...and of course I shouldn't assume he can just afford to lose an old tennis ball, and I must give him some of my old ones to make up..I am still in a startlingly good mood, and am just moved to giggles by the sight of GOM2 swishing and swashing in the nettles after a good 10 minutes, unaware I have gone, and in fact, he is probably imagining it is me he is thrashing...

I risk a text message...'Give up' he looks up as his phone beeps, sees me sitting on the log and guesses...he walks towards me, reading the text. 'Oh, ha,' he says. 'Am I being a pain?' No, I say, but I am sending you off home now to have a rest, you are very tired, goodbye. I walk him to his gate, see him off, and leg it back across the field past the screeching teenagers to my gate as it is getting dark.

As I walk home, still happy, still full of energy and marvelling at my good mood! my phone beeps with a text.

'Still walking home, but at least it's stopped raining and I've stopped sulking.' I hadn't mentioned the sulking at all, which had continued for the whole walk, at least he was acknowledging it himself, and good, now he was no longer with me, had stopped!!!

I texted back. 'That's ok. Goodnight, Mr Grump.'

The return text said, 'I know. I'm cross with myself for being a typical blokey. Thank you for inviting me out, Mrs-lovely-spring-evening-aren't -the-birdies-nice-in-the-rain..'

I smiled all the way home. And guess what was on TV? Grumpy Old men. And no, I didn't watch it. I didn't need to. And I warned GOM2 I would blog this. That took the smile off his face.

Photo gallery....

Yes, I've become a real David Bailey since the acquisition of my new camera-phone! This is a close up of the lvoely roses bought for me by Caroline, who is the perfect guest, arriving with flowers, chocolate and strange furry animals......

Next....

On Caroline's very first evening in St Albans, after coffee and chocolate cake in Puccino's, I made her accompany me and Sophie up to The Wick for an evening walk. Getting there, wheeling round the woods, then across the field and home again looked very tiring in a manual wheelchair. No wonder I needed a sleep on our return home.....

Last but not least....

Next day, after a day of shopping in St Albans which included a break for lunch outside in the sun at Carluccio's - yes the service was bad, but what the heck? Were we in a hurry? No we weren't. We were ladies who lunch and have all the time in the world. After a bit more shopping, there was tea outide in the sun at the Waffle House, by the river at the water mill, with the most delicious banana milk shakes in the world, and banoffee waffles to die for....then we crossed the road and went for a walk in Verulamium park, and saw the cute little moor nens in their nests.......do you know, I am beginning to realise I gave my guest such a seriously good time, (and this was only day two) I am amazed she went home. But then she had her highly rewarding job to go back to........

Birthday reflections...

Clive's birthday today. He brought me breakfast in bed and I gave him his pressie and card! Fair exchange I think.

I drove for an hour this morning to attend a seminar in a remote village hall, which was not only boring, but not useful, it was over in an hour, and I was back speeding down the Al, dodging the speed cameras in the summer sunshine. Laura was around today, so I figured that after yesterday I had earned lunch. We ate in Carluccios, always a good place to be! After an afternoon's work, I headed home to find Laura already there with the kettle on and the chocolate biscuits out..what a good girl she is. We sat out in the sun and enjoyed girlie gossips, awaiting the arrival of Clive, James and Mec, and the lvoely Chinese takeaway, before settling down for the evening's excitement..The final of The Apprentice! Did the right woman win..I think so..Alan Sugar was obviously pleased with his choice...!!!!

Then it was time for coffee and birthday cake, and a time to remember various birthdays past...and James to realise he doesn't want to be 30 later this year...I remember my 30th like it was yesterday, I remember the party I had, what I wore..and James was amazed to think that he was there, aged 7!!!!! Doesn't time fly.......

Stress, stress and more stress....

Did I mention I got a little stressed today? Have been trying to catch up with work, but it's so full on, and after work yesterday I had counselling, and my counsellor was telling me I need to get in touch with my anger, I am far too calm....she thinks I can't get angry! I immediately obliged her with shouting down the phone at the next person who rang me..a barrage of abuse to which there was no come back and then I ended the conversation abruptly.

Didn't feel any better though, a good row needs a resolution, instead I was still angry..after Clive went out I curled up with the dog on the sofa and went to sleep...helped a bit..had a fitful night's sleep and woke up still stressed and was on the phone to Rosemarie by 8am to talk over a Child Protection problem I had to deal with today.

Had a hard day with one meeting after another, no time to think, no lunch, and it ended at 4pm with a phone call from someone who was really winding me up and I was in danger of becoming very cross..so ended the conversation and told N and MA I was leaving for the day before I popped...I don't think they have seen me so wound up....hard to deal with work stuff when personal stuff is still bugging..but then the person in question rang and invited me for a drink and some time to talk and catch up which helped..before I did a bit of frantic late night shopping for Clive's birthday tomorrow...this time last year I was on gardening leave from work..quite tempted to ask for it again!!!!!!

Sorry..sorry..sorry...

I have lost count of the number of times C said sorry after her arrival! And I was so excited she had made it..I didn't underestimate the Bigness of the occasion..the longest journey she had driven on her own in about 20 years! And after such a sh*t and stressful day at work too...

So there I was, being pleased she was here, and there she was, apologising for being here, being a bother, being in the way,....and how do I reward all the effort to get here, and show her how pleased I was to have her staying??? I fall asleep! Wednesday evening, there we were after dinner, curled up on the sofas ready for a long girlie chat, and I was asleep in minutes! Had to apologise and get off to bed at about 10.30pm or something ridiculous.

After a hard day's shopping in St Albans and tea at the Waffle House on Thursday, we got home and collapsed..and yes, I went to sleep! I was more exhausted than Caroline! Same after a lovely, lovely day at the Craft Fair at Hatfield House..mind you, we both has a sofa each and went to sleep, I had to wake Caroline up to eat her dinner....we had a text from Liz saying, I know you two will be up half the night talking and eating chocolate...if only you knew...

Saturday night, Caroline's last night, a special dinner followed by watching American Beauty...it was really good, we hadn't seen it in ages..but as Caroline spotted, I slept through quite a lot of it, that girl doesn't miss a thing. I can't remember being so tired...

So I spent a lot of time apologising for sleeping and being boring, and worrying that C wasn't having a nice time, and thinking she would have more fun staying with another friend up North....so I said sorry a lot, and C said sorry a lot.... what are we like???????

I really loved having my friend to stay. She is so not here now, it's scary........ (private joke..)

She made it!!!!

In about three and a half hours. A result! And here's the proof.....

Work work and more work....

I worked on it for three hours on Bank Holiday Monday. I am putting together a submission for our NHS funding to be continued. It has to be in by Friday, and guess what, I am on leave Thurs & Fri cos I have a fieend (typo, I thought I'd leave it..!!) coming to stay and play....why does work get in the way of plans for playing? I worked on it most of yesterday, and last night, and took it to M my Chair, at 10pm for him to look at it and write a supporting letter...

Other news of yesterday: after offers and counter offers and negotiations, Laa and Mec have got the house! Now it is all mortgage talk, and surveys and solicitors and money and it's scary, but she keeps ringing me to talk about it and ask advice and it's very lvoely to be needed and involved...I am helping with the deposit, but my condition is that I help to move in on moving day! I have made it clear I would be upset to be left out , they will have to put up with me getting in the way and being excited, but after that I have promised to leave them alone unless invited round for tea! Although I suspect it will probably be invited round to help with painting or gardening.....

Personal news: right, I have been feeling a lot better, I hope this has been reflected in my blog. I have cut down on the anti-depressants, missing every third day, so far so good...I had bereavement counselling yesterday and we were talking about how well I am doing, how far I have come - she was very impressed with all my cleaning, it's cleansing and cathartic and me taking control again. We talked about coming to the ending of counselling, and it's only then I got tearful! She hurriedly put in another couple of sessions to take me to the end of June, and the week of the anniversary of dad's death. It feels like I will have come full circle.

It's amazing the difference a year makes! Now I am feeling so much better, and more in control, and finding Me again and enjoying time and space and my own company..this time last year was the worst bit of dad's illness, and I was worried, stressed, a mess. Whizzing up and down the motorway and collecting my 4 speeding tickets! Next week is also the anniversary of my job disaster, almost losing my job, my blog, and life as we know it. It will be a year, and all the nasty stuff can be taken out of my file at work and shredded...it will be as if it didn't happen....

Lots to celebrate...mostly, the support of you, my friends in blog land...I can't express how much your lvoe and care has meant to me. Thank you. Now I have to go to work and get on with this bl**dy funding submission....

And finally.....

..a good bank holiday Monday to follow! We went with Laa and Mec to do a second viewing of a little house I looked at with them last week...it's lovely and after some thinking they have decided to out an offer in!!! My baby...might be really grown up and own (figuratively speaking..) a house. And it's two minutes drive from my house, which is lvoely, I didn't think they would settle in St Albans, Brighton and London having been talked about..still, I won't say too much about it til it's signed and settled..then I'll moan like hell about the kitchen which is lvoely and mine is not.......should one envy one's daughter's kitchen???

They came back for coffee and hot cross buns while we debated their finances and we all put our sensible heads on rather than the 'I love the shower, buy the house' and 'Oh they have a little cat and a cat flap, like you, it must be a sign' sort of discussion which me and Laa have and Mec just looks at us sadly.....

After they left I got back into devastating spring cleaning mode, starting with the downstairs loo and continuing with the lounge, moving large red sofas and hoovering into every corner, under cushions and everything....only frustration was a little tool from the hoover missing, the very one I needed with a brush one side and flat bit the other for doing the sofas..why is there always the one bit you need missing?

Had a much needed break to go doggy walking with good friends J and P and doggy Ellie, to the bluebell woods in Sandridge. They know me well enough and are understanding and long suffering enough to listen to me go on about anything and everything from my feelings about my parents, work, home and the urgent need for a new toy boy. 'What's the criteria?' said J. 'Just sex?' As if! 'No,' I said, 'Just occasional availability to talk to me, and not say, 'Shouldn't you have achieved closure on this by now?' when I mention my father....

A dog walk with J usually ends in a cup of tea and something lvoely that she has made, this time, shortbread, and I, at last, gave in to her curiosity about my blog, and showed it to her and gave her the web address. J is doing an MA or MSC or something impressive, and is worried she might start spending time reading blogs instead of working on her essays. Now that won't happen, boys and girls, will it????

A Very Social Sunday...

..in fact a Social Weekend, if you consider we had J & I round last night, and I haven't done 'social' in quite a while......I didn't quite make it up in time for church this morning, so Clive went alone, but didn't hassle me for which I'm grateful. I got up (after blogging, doing a code word and a rather tricky sudoku) and did more cleaning and tidying whilst listening to Kate Rusby on very loud..just lvoe her.

Then we headed off to James' in Highgate where we had been invited for lunch..ended up making ourselves coffee and doing all his washing up while he ran someone home.......hmmm....after three quarters of an hour he reappeared and we walked to a local pub for lunch..and I paid! It was rammed, took an hour to get a rather inadequate and luke warm roast beef dinner with rock hard vegetables. I could do better for £9.95!! Still it is just round the corner from George Michael's house...I wasn't at all happy leaving the car parked on the road there....

We were invited to my God-Father's house for tea...haven't seen him for a couple of years...he was pleased to see us. He is very small, Ludwik, Polish, and must be about 4' 6" small, no really, and it is very funny to see James towering over him at 6' 4"!! He gave us cups of tea and platefuls of cakes, which he insisted we ate..I think we managed about three each before admitting defeat, and he was still offended there were some left....

We took James home, and left him feeling quite unwell, and came back to St Albans for Laa's best friend Amy's engagement party. This was in a trendy pub with loads of young people, a live band and a good vibe..a bit too good for Clive who was feeling his 60 years and just wanted to go home to bed. There was a buffet...lovely..but when I was offered a large slice of chocolate engagement cake, I did have to decline. Laura was keen to eat hers, so gave me her vodka and lemonade to hold while she ate it...unfortunately I managed to drink it all , didn't realise she wanted it back.....

By 10 to 10 Clive was fading fast so we left the party and came home....people were dancing to the band, I wanted to dance....but no, here I am tucked up with my laptop..oh well...night night.... oh Caroline is texting me I can't cope I think the vodka has gone to my head.....

Peaceful Saturday type thoughts....

Had a quiet but good day. C was working then doing things for his mum, so pretty much gone all day. I started by a dog walk with Jill and our two doggies, then spent the rest of the day pottering on my own, thinking my own thoughts and doing my own thing. I am really appreciating time alone now, rather than manically filling it. I listened to Jonathan Ross, who I like better on radio than TV, strangely. He played an old track by Bread, which contained the line, 'You're the only one I care enough to hurt about...' which took me back to the thoughts of yesterday's blog.

If you feel, care or love, then yes, you will get hurt. The only way not to get hurt is not to feel, not to care, not to love. So I guess I would rather go on getting hurt....but having a little protective lining round one is preferable to total rawness..I think I am growing an emotional skin again....still caring, but able to protect myself more.

I cleaned and tidied the kitchen, had lunch, went shopping then came back and did a bit of tidying in the front garden so as to be out in the sun. Such a busy day that I had to come in and lie on the sofa and sleep! Followed by a cup of tea and a couple of chocolate biscuits...

I invited Jill and Ian round tonight, the first bit of real socialising I have done for ages. Didn't cook, though, we got a lvoely Chinese takeaway, while I introduced them to the wonderful sound of Kate Rusby.

Now I am tucked up in bed feeling very, very tired, but able to celebrate a nice day...and some cleaning and tidying achieved too! Now C has got to come and stay.....

Evening reflection.....

..random thoughts....worked hard today..went swimming with R, but only did 10 lengths before coffee and chatting! Home to finish chocolate easter egg before a dog walk with Jill and Harry (and Sophie of course) in the evening spring sunshine. Look, they both waited patiently while Jill and I did a bit of shopping! (Little and Large, otherwise known as Sophie and Harry.)

Evening thought..how do you stop people from hurting you? Answer..take away the power they have to hurt you. How? Stop caring? Stop feeling? Care for yourself? Forgive them, for they know not what they do? Perhaps that's where God comes in, again..perhaps if you let God lvoe you, then when people let you down, it doesn't matter quite so much..because God will always love you, and never let you down....the thing is to remember that, even when you can't feel God.....like the story of the two sets of footprints in the sand. But God, look, you left me, there is only one set of footprints. Yes my child..that is when we hopped...

Come on and celebrate......

...let us celebrate and sing.....well, steady on, maybe not so much singing..well in our hearts if not actually out loud..my challenge to you today is to see how much you have to celebrate and be thankful. (Yes, it's ok, you haven't gone to the wrong blog by mistake..the pills are working...) Like yesterday, I had six keen, wonderful new volunteers trained and ready to go a the end of the course. We had our usual celebration lunch. This is the first training course I have not run, cos my 'new' assistant ran it admirably instead. So I took the opportunity to celebrate that fact, and the fact that she has now been with me a year. So I bought her some flowers. Then, because my secretary is brill, and has been with me nearly four years, and she is dealing with elderly and sick parents, and trying to juggle everything, I bought her flowers too.

And I thought how lovely people are - sorry, lvoely - and thought that people I just knew, and liked, a couple of years ago, have truly become friends, no matter where they live, through the amazing power of the mobile phone and blog world. Friends I wouldn't have, or know so well. So I wish to celebrate that. So you see, I know I am not alone..could that be God trying to tell me that, in one of His Mysterious Ways?

Thank you my friends. Now go off today and find things to celebrate. They are all round you. Lvoe you.

Diet? What diet?

Whoever said I was on a diet? Oh, I did. Well, I will be after I have finished my yummy Easter Egg. And I am only having yoghurt for breakfast. And a sandwich for lunch. Oh, except for today when I met Rosemarie for lunch at a nice Italian near me (note to self, disabled access good, check.) and we shared a roast aubergine/courgette/pepper/tomato/garlic starter..delicious...then I had pasta carbonara...more delicious...

The only downside to the lunch was the fact that the little Italian waitress cried the whole time..we tried to ask her if she was ok, well she obviously wasn't, but didn't want to talk about it with a restaurant full of customers..she served the whole meal with red watery eyes, always on the verge of tears, and was hiding in corners when nobody was looking. We did want to sit her down and find out what was wrong. Some of you may remember a blog when I mentioned going out for a meal with a group of people, including DC, who flirted outrageously with the waitress all night, and kissed her when he paid the bill..the very same..do you think she is pining for him?

I really didn't need a meal tonight, so I didn't have one. I just had a banana..chopped up in a bowl..with a generous amount of evaporated milk. I told Laura ...she said, 'Mum, you get more like Winnie the Pooh every day....'

I gave Rosemarie a belated Lindt chocolate Easter bunny..yes I had it at home all week and hadn't eaten it! She e-mailed me to say the little bell round his neck had rung all the way home in the car. She has now become attached to him, and as a vegetarian, feels she can't eat him now. Oh dear.......

Feeling warm and humble.....

..warm from the lvoely comments made on my last blog...you are all much too nice, I don't deserve you...which is why I feel humble and small and grateful for such understanding friends, who don't judge me...well not in my blog anyway!!!
Last night, when curled up on sofa with doggie (both of us breaking the rules as we were alone...) I decided to watch something I had recorded recently, cos there was only cr*p on TV..so I watched 'An Officer and a Gentleman' which I haven't seen for years..not a good choice to watch when feeling emotional, I cried buckets at the happy ending, good job I was alone...... waited all day at work for Richard Gere to turn up and rescue me. He never did, damn him.

So busy at work with last year's accounts, this year's budget, last year's annual statistics, a possible funding cut by one of my core funders, a major audit pending from another core funder, and reports I have to write justifying the service we offer..never mind the visits I should be making. Have sent a questionnaire to every volunteer, referrer and person we support asking how our service helps...we have had such a high return back, and people's stories of their lives and how we have helped them I still find so moving, even after 5 years in this job. Yes, this is where I find God, in seeing how some people give freely of their time, to help others, and what a difference it makes. I can't share these stories, but I so want to. Hope I haven't said too much!

Anyway..the picture..out walking with Sophie, Jill and Harry tonight. Just had to take a photo of this bush in full blossom..it smelt beautiful too!

A Sunday night reflection...

In bed. Gone 11pm. Laptop on knees. Having my own space, since Clive went to work at an exhibition in Birmingham about 6.45 this morning (I heard the front door close!) and won't be back until Tuesday evening. Some 'me' time. Had breakfast in bed. Did the Sudoku. Read. Thought about going to church on my own as I haven't been for weeks. Somehow I didn't get up in time. Spent the morning at home listening to music and tidying my bedroom!

Went for a dog walk with friends this afternoon, another friend called in a for a cup of tea, then this evening, again, I have been on my own. Did what I wanted, ate what and when I wanted, watched TV. Cuddled up on the sofa with the dog.

Done loads of thinking, although I have shared my thoughts with no-one. In truth, this has been a tough week. I have not been too happy. But I am getting better, the bad times are not so frequent, and not so bad. I so looked forward to going away, but it was over so soon, and when you come back - hey, nothing's changed. Someone texted me 'Happy Easter! He is Risen!' on Easter Sunday morning when I was out walking and communing with nature..and I realised, with great sadness, that it didn't mean anything to me. There was a time when my whole life was my faith, my drama, my music, and the whole of Easter would have been based on planning services, leading worship or music: some years, leading the annual Good Friday Ecumenical service in the Abbey in St Albans. I have performed in, directed or written moving drama in the Abbey, or played in the music group. I have helped people worship and understand the real meaning of Easter. Now it has come and gone without touching me. I don't know anymore. I don't know where God is in my life.

There have been tears this week. Tears today. I need time and space alone to think and feel, without pretending I am ok. I will get there. This time last year I was in Bristol, taking care of my very ill dad. I still feel lost some weekends, this Friday evening I was lost, not having anywhere to go, not being needed, I didn't know what to do. Sometimes, having to get in the car and drive to Bristol and look after my mum and dad meant I didn't have to think about what to do, where to go, I just did.

Now I have to think....and too much thinking is not always good for me. I know I have good friends who really care for me, and I thank God for them - or rather I ought to..but sometimes, ultimately...you just feel alone.

A good song to end on.......

Tried out my night-time pic taking with my new phone, taking pictures of an excellent young band in a local pub. Considering it was quite dark, they haven't come out too badly! The history behind these pictures, for me, lies with the drummer! I tried hard to capture Simon, peeping out between the two lead vocalists/guitarists, I think you can see him (just) in the pic above right. Simon and the band he was with then, Carpathian Breed, won our Battle of the Bands competition. He and his friends were all school boys then! They were an excellent band, and well deserved to win.

Then, at a dinner party at my friend Jill's, one evening, a couple of years ago, I met a guy called Alan, we got talking, music was a common theme - he told me his son was in a band who had been in BoB: I experienced slight panic, was he going to be one of those parents who have a go at me cos their child's band didn't win? Believe me, it does happen, not only the teenagers rude to us, so are the parents! But happily Alan was able to tell me that his son was in the winning band - Simon! David and I met the band again when they asked us to do sound and lighting at one of their gigs a year later.

I met up with Alan socially now and again, and we were at his house for New Year, and met up with Simon and members of his new band, Legions of Filth! Alan played us a track, their first recording, and I was impressed. This is a new band, all the guys are at Uni, Simon is studying drumming at Brighton, but they come back to St Albans most weekends. I heard them at the pub a few months ago, and couldn't resist the chance to hear them again .

Alan is in two bands himself, is very musical, and joins the guys on some numbers on trombone, and although he was hiding behind the speakers, I managed to catch him on camera, playing the trombone!

I can't possibly describe their music - they are very very talented, amazing vocals, use of harmony, each song is surprising, every one is different, some quite moving and deep, some very funny..and rude!! They have one album out, which I bought last time I saw them. They are working on a new demo..listen out for them. They may shorten the name to Legions.

I went on my own, stood in the corner nursing an orange juice, but decided to invite a friend to join me, so texted Liz and she rang and had a listen to some of the gig! You are never alone with a mobile phone.

The world is my lobster..almost.....

Yes, it's a sat nav!!!!! My new baby..Clive surprised me by asking if I would like a sat nav for my birthday. He had researched them and found this tomtom go to be highly recommended. We attempted to look at one in the usual large stores, only to discover it was difficult to find a member of staff to serve you, and when you did, it was generally a spotty youth who didn't know anything about the items they were selling and couldn't answer any questions.(No offence to spotty youths. I hope none taken.)

Anyway, to cut a long story meduim, the week before we went away, Laura had the week off work, and with nothing much to do, and nobody else being about, she seemed to end up at my office rather a lot, round about lunchtime, and a great deal of eating and shopping went on, most days, actually. I also bored of her moaning about her and Mec missing houses, cos they are always sold by the time they see them, and I pointed out she hadn't actually registered with any agents, so I made her go into 6 over 2 days and register, and I sat quietly and didn't interfere! (for example: agent to Laura: This is a nice house.... me...oh, no Laura you don't want to live in that road (remember I visit all over St Albans as part of my job!) Laura..No thank you then... agent gives mother filthy look...) One agent was very nice and referred to me as Laura's sister. Don't trust his description of houses then.....

Anyway, on the day before my holiday, we were shopping (in my lunch hour) (and we went to look at a house quickly, this is such fun) and I remembered I still didn't have my sat nav, and I thought, why not, so went into D*xons and found a youth that did know his sat nav from his ipod, and I let him sell one to me.

It is a mobile sat nav , that you move from car to car, Clive's eyes lit up, now it wouldn't be that he really wanted one, would it??? We used it to go from home to our little hotel in the middle of shropshire, magic, no need for maps, took us straight there. Was good all weekend. Except when I programmed it to take us to Llanrhaedr to see Wales' highest water fall, and I offered to drive, cos Clive had driven at 20 miles an hour all morning - that is not an exaggeration, I was watching the speedo, and it nearly drove me mad, I could have walked quicker. It was Easter Sunday, and I felt like we were one of those Sunday driver people who didn't know how to get out of first gear.

So I took over driving, and Clive kindly told me how to drive, how to steer, pointed out the traffic lights, looked at the map and said he wouldn't have gone this way..I stopped the car and said, shall we follow the sat nav or will you read the map, I don't mind but I can't follow both. Clive agreed follow the sat nav, then continued to help me drive all the way. The sat nav said Llanrheadr clearly in its little window. I followed it dutifully until we drove into the little town of Bala and it said 'You have reached your destination.' Um....never mentioned Bala..wrong place.. something wrong here surely? Yes, said Clive, you have obviously programmed the sat nav wrong, what have you done, turn round here, mind the kerb, no not like that..oh why are you getting out of the car?

How stoooooopid do i feel........

I may have mentioned once or twice before on my blog, my intention to go up to the Big Town and go to a Steve Lawson gig, one of his regular monthly gigs at Darbucka's world music cafe. Every time I plan to go, something gets in the way, there is something else on that night I can't get out of, or as on one or two occasions, no-one else is free to come with me and at the last minute on a cold winter's night I can't be a****ed, or i forget or whatever.

But this month, I checked the website, and yes, there is a gig and yes, I am free. I plan to go. Alone or otherwise. I ask Laura if she wants to come. Not really her thing, and anyway she's going swimming. I ask James if he would like to come..he has other plans but I can tell he's tempted. I ask DC if he would like to come, and for once he is in London and able to spare the evening!

So I am excited and off we go to the gig...except when we stop to call up the web site on DC's laptop for the venue address, something makes me look twice at the date. 'What is today's date?' I ask. '20th' DC replies. 'Oh. Are you sure?' 'Yes,' (suspicion creeping in..) 'Why, when is the gig?' Pause. 'Yesterday.' I have to say I have been in a foul mood all day, started the day having a cry (but not for long) walked out of a meeting this afternoon cos I was losing the will to live, shouted at DC down the phone and then hung up on him, just because, and nearly decided not to go out cos I wasn't in the mood. DC generously still decided to risk accompanying me. So while I was being moody and offish, discovering I had missed the gig amused DC to the point of helpless laughter, or was it the pained look on my face as I tried to retain some sense of dignity. Then I gave up.

We went for a meal, a long talk and shared silly texts with Caroline. DC talked about the stresses of work and said, 'I feel like I am just using fingers to plug holes in the dyke.' I told him not to lower the tone......

Now I am home in bed. You know, one day I really will make it to a Steve Lawson gig.

Drum roll..here are the pics!

This is the front of the lovely country house hotel in Shropshire which was our home for three nights. It's called Pen-y-dyffryn , and was originally a Rectory before being turned into a hotel.

This is the hotel seen from across the valley - it is only just in Shropshire, Wales is 100 yards away!

Our room was one of four in the Coach House, a separate building just up the hill behind the main house. (Youc an see the hotel roof and upstairs window just to the right). And what about the view out of the door!...we had our own private terrace with table and chairs, direct access to the wonderful gardens, and the sun came roun d to face us in the evenings. Sophie dog can be seen trying to decide whether to come in or go out......she does that for hours.....

A view of the beautifully landscaped gardens ...once there, you really didn't feel the need to go anywhere else. Peaceful rolling hills, singing birds, the distant bleating of lambs...comfortable rooms, a lounge full of sofas and a roaring log fire in the evening..not to mention the wonderful food and service in the dining room...nothing was too much trouble, the staff were all friendly, helpful and well trained (as far away from Cheltenham as you could possibly get!!!!!),,Liz, I think I have found the next venue for you and S to visit for your next girlie break!!!

Nearly time...

..to take a break. Almost packed and ready. Off to Shropshire in the morning for an Easter break. To a nice hotel. With Clive. And Sophie. And a book of lovely walks. And books to read. Can't wait...have a good Easter, see you on my return, Monday night, or Tuesday morning. Complete with photographs taken with my new phone!

First this....

I saw it in one of those magazines you get free with the Sunday papers. Full of things you always wanted, but just didn't know you did. Look at this! A 4 in 1 music centre - perfect for your entire audio collection - a turntable, sorry record deck, on top, a slot for tapes to the right, cds in front, and a built in radio. Solid wood! Only £99.99. I am so tempted....

then this....

..in the same magazine..the Pet Pavilion. It's wonderful! A little kennel for your wee doggy to keep warm and dry, but on a sunny day..a sun terrace!!!! Complete with little ladder to get up there. But this is the best feature..pointed out in the text, honestly, the little wooden carved safety rail to stop your pooch falling a whole 19" to the ground. Only £49.99! Do you think Sophie would like one?

Ok, I have to come clean....

..this week hasn't gone entirely to plan. Positive: I have not eaten so much chocolate, though I have consumed some...I didn't go swimming on Tuesday morning, but it was a conscious and positive decision, as I still got up at 7.30am and did some much needed housework instead. So I was still motivated and active, but also got the house that bit tidier..and boy does it need it....

Had counselling tonight..for two weeks running I have talked and not cried. I have been a relatively normal person in between too, no emotional traumas. I hope this is the beginning....and I will go swimming...soon...

Write one hundred lines....

I will not keep eating chocolate and making myself feel sick.
I will not keep eating large packs of M&Ms and making myself feel sick.
I will not keep buying large amounts of chocoalte and M&Ms which make me feel sick.
I am good for getting up at 7.30am this morning and walking the dog.
I am good for having yoghurt and fruit for breakfast.
Tomorrow morning I will get up at 7.30am and go for a swim before work.
I will not keep eating chocolate and maiking myself feel sick.

What a lvoely song to end on......

..a good way to end a weekend, to pop into an old St Albans pub and find a folk night in full swing..except that full swing might be overstating it...As D and I crossed the floor with our drinks and crisps to find a seat, a dozen pairs of eyes watched us, silently saying, 'Eeer, they're not from round 'ere then....' True, we weren't wearing checked shirts, sandals or beards (oh, one of us had a beard, I admit it...) then we worried about eating the crisps, because we imagined one crunch would have twelve pairs of lips mouthing 'Sshhhh' in our direction. We lasted for four songs before putting some money in the kitty and escaping into the night. I am used to such venues, but D was clearly having a panic attack, and saying it was the most hard-core folk venue he had ever set foot in, and how his leather coat had never seemed more out of place. Not to mention the audi.....

But it was the end of a good weekend - after doing some house work, which I still remembered how to do, taking the dog for a walk in the morning sunshine, I made it into town to buy a book, have coffee and croissants, gossip and a fun time.....

Also called in to see Laa and Mec in their little cottage for a cup of tea..then as I was settling for a lazy evening in front of the TV, my lovely friend Jacky rang and asked if she could come round, and of course she could, so we had coffee and chatted and caught up.....lvoely....

I had a good feeling about today too, it was a sunny Sunday and I had a meeting in Witney, near Oxford, about a world music festival with which I am involved...this meant over an hour's drive in the sun, listening to lvoely music and thinking thoughts...very unpressured. After the meeting, I stopped in Oxford services and weakened, having not eaten, and had a burger and fries..I promise, the first I've had in years..and yes, I weakened more and bought a packet of M&Ms to eat in the car.....more driving in the sun, more music, and a lvoley way of spending Sunday. You know, one of those days when you are very happy with your own company????

Then this evening a board meeting of a charity, where D and I are trustees and all has not been going well. I think I was polite in my contributions and didn't actually get violent with anyone. But the frustration drove me to insisting on going for an orange juice and a packet of crisps before going home. If I said something in the meeting, it was ignored, but when D made the same point ten minutes later, the Chair (male, of course,) would think it an important point and take it on board. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Still home now, time to calm down..have I got some chocolate somewhere? Oh, and I must take a picture for Liz..... hang on.....

Still not better yet.....

..keep taking the tablets.....

Well, it made Clive laugh....

..and he doesn't laugh easily. He laughed so much at this cartoon in the paper, and couldn't wait to show me. Then he laughed some more, cut it out of the paper and put it on the notice board in the kitchen. Personally, I can't see why it's funny.....

A good Friday...

Yes, it was a good day, after a mostly good week, except for Thursday when I started to wobble a bit in the evening....I think myself into a black hole sometimes, thinking and thinking, and knowing I should stop, because I feel depression like a black cloud descending...So after work I went and walked the dog and tried to let the spring evening lift my mood.

Coming back home, I involved myself in downloading my pictures to my blog, then watched the TV, and made myself think happier thoughts. I think it was a delayed reaction to the loveliness of last weekend, away among friends, so much anticipated, so much enjoyed, I was very relaxed and didn't get upset once!!!! so by Thursday the 'feel good' factor was wearing thin...

However, I woke up feeling ok this morning, and after a day in the office, met Rosemarie for a swim and I managed 18 lengths, before having a hot shower, then coffee and gossip, which is, after all, the purpose of the outing. We had a good talk and of course, a few laughs, and I say God bless good friends, and it's Saturday tomorrow....you never know, it might be fun.....

This is a test....

Right, I sat on the sofa last night with my new phone newly charged, and took my first picture. Now I have attached phone to lap top and hopefully transferred it. Here goes......


Oh, wow, that is amazing!!! Now, something else I must take a pic of....back soon......

Sorry, had to be done.....

Just to show you it's getting better!!!!!!

It's a mad world......

I know can't blog about my work..if only I could, so much to share, that is sad, exciting, challenging, rewarding..sometimes it does my head in, as they say..yesterday morning involved.... in no particular order, driving my lovely car..now a year old, still love it...sunshine, country side, children...some clean some not so clean......more children, a baby, more children, a dog, then another dog, a cat, a loud budgie, Cbeebie's on all Tvs, two cockateils, a mouse..tears...(not me!)..a variety of human problems...I arrived at the office and went straight to the church cafe next door for a quiet sit and a late breakfast involving a mug of coffee and two, yes two, toasted tea cakes and butter.

Good day..totally fed up of my phone, which has a crap camera, can't hear people on it and the battery holds about five minutes of charge. Thought it would take hours to make a decision, cos I don't do them well, but I wanted to look at the phone Liz has, as a starter, then the salesman whipped his out..his phone that is, keep it clean..why do I think about sex every two point four seconds??? Don't answer that..any way his phone was the same one and he said it was brilliant, so i thought, it must be a sign, I'll buy one, so I did, and now I am studying how to use it......

Off to a Power Point Level Two training day now..if only I could remember what I learned on level One......

The rumours of my incapacity....

..were much exaggerated! How could you take me so seriously? Did you really think a sore finger and a wheezy cough would stop me attending an Ops meeting?????? Oh ye of little faith...I had a great time. Friday evening saw me and DC booking into our hotel, along with D & M, and it was a slight improvement on the Travel Lodge, a class of its own, even if D&M were in the main house and our rooms were in the stables!!!! We got an out of season deal which made it cheaper than the Travel Lodge, and included a very fine breakfast....

Saturday brought us to the Ops meeting which passed peacefully enough, and we managed to get some work done , together with a little catching up on a personal level. Yes, my finger was very sore and displaying some alarming colours, so that the two doctors in attendance were keen to lance it with a needle and generally save my life. I was very reluctant to engage with this procedure, but then decided to accept on the grounds that their concern worried me. I asked the resident GP who thoughtfully had her medical bag in the car, if she would be happy to treat my finger, and she said yes she would. Lovely. Then I forgot, she forgot....and so I still had swollen and throbbing finger.

Happily, as I thought, it kind of took care of itself during Sunday, but as it was still red and sore and the red swelling was tracking round underneath the nail, I decided to do as I was told and seek medical advice. Sorry to bother you with a pathetic sore finger, I told the practice nurse on Monday morning. Mmmm she said, looking at it carefully. Could end up in blood poisoning if we don't treat it ....so now in addition to the inhaler in the mornings, I take the anti-depressants and large penicillin filled horse-pills. Never say I don't take care of myself.....

Saturday evening found us installed in a nearby pub having good food and drink, and relaxing with the few friends who had the stamina to stay over!

Sunday morning was very good....no rush to get up, a lazy breakfast, then a couple of hours in the residents lounge, drinking coffee and catching up with Liz who came in to round off the weekend in a leisurely manner. We had fun watching the crowds of over dressed locals coming in for Sunday lunch. The smell of roast beef and all the trimmings was so tempting..but sadly we had all eaten so much over the weekend, we couldn't face it.

At about half past two we thought we ought to head home, although it was tempting to stay..first we had a little walk around the grounds, befriending a few ducks and a couple of tame peacocks..unfortunately, although I took some pics, my camera phone is fairly crap, so I am relying on the lvoely Liz to provide the photographic evidence....

Oh no....

I didn't have a very good night. Woke coughing and wheezing. Haven't mentioned on my blog, I think, that recently my very mild to non-existent asthma has taken a turn for the worse and I am now a wheezy person and the owner of two 'puffers' as my mum used to call them, a brown steroid one and a blue one, but I'm not totally sure how and when to sue them, and I'm worse at night, and what with that and taking the same anti-depressants my mum used to take, it's downright scary. Not only that but I threw away quite a few after mum died, not realising I would need them!

Also my throat is very slightly sore, and I have a poorly sore finger which I am treating by sitting it in a mug of very hot salty water - not actually this minute, but now and again.

When I did sleep, in the early hours, it was so weird, I found myself in a house where suddenly my parents were there again, in their pyjamas, my mum telling me she couldn't breathe and asking why I hadn't brought her up a cup of tea, so I was in the kitchen doing it, and crying, and telling myself this is only a dream, they have died, but when I took the tea up, no, there they were, and I cried more cos they were ill and we had let mum's place in the home go when she died, so I would have to leave and go back to work, and how would they manage at home? I actually thought of seeing them dead, which I did, so I knew I hadn't imagined it, and I had been to their funerals, but no, here they were needing looking after. I decided to ring my bereavement counsellor, Viv, and ask her what to do!!!! I think this dream is brought on by my secretary having time off to look after her elderly and ill parents, who are taking it in turns to be in hospital or at home needing 24 hour care, and she is looking as stressed as I was this time last year!!!

I am hoping to have most of today off to potter about and do domestic things and iron jeans, etc, but I must go into work for a bit and finish my newsletter..then home to pack and get ready for the weekend away!! Looking forward to it, only feeling weird on account of the dream, the coughing and wheezing, sore throat and poorly red swollen finger. Will probably spend Saturday in the local A&E having my finger lanced!!

Now who would have thought I was an optimist? Clive suggested this morning, when he brought in my tea, and I listed my woes, that I wasn't well enough to go away, and I should stay at home. Answers on a post card.......

Guess what..he's an animal!!!

I encouraged someone we all know and lvoe - oh, make that, most of us know him, anyway....to do the personality tests. He e-mailed me the results. Did I laugh......we all have new nicknames now, and so appropriate.....

**You Are Animal***

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts.
You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary.
But you sure can beat a good drum.
"Kill! Kill!"

Even if you started out not knowing who I was talking about, I bet you do now......

I nearly forgot about this.....

...Remember two themes in past blogs..one was about me getting a new desk, and how excited I was....and the second was the Chocolate Orange theme - my experience of trying to get into a reluctant orange inspired several chocolate orange themed blogs....

So it was greatly amusing, the day I was clearing out the drawers in my old desk, to find an old Christmas card sent to me not this Christmas, but Christmas 2004, (I don't clear out my drawers much!)by DC, the very person who gave me the chocolate orange..it obviously entertained me so much I kept the card all that time...

I bought it home a couple of months back to scan it for my blog, but the scanner wouldn't work, so I abandoned it. Tonight, scanner somehow magically came alive, and I found this, still inside: priceless:

I had to do this too....

You Are 16% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm. Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

How Evil Are You?

I had to do it......

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

And the end of the AA story is.....

..just to finish off...I texted the lvoely Liz from the back of the truck, 'hello I have just been rescued by the AA after an hour and a half in the cold and rain' kind of text, cos I know it is my duty to amuse and entertain. My mobile phone rang immediately, and when I answered, all I could hear was hysterical laughter. Cheers for your concern, darling.

I rang the hotel and explained our late arrival (eta past 10pm) and asked about food, given that my last taste (apart from half a toffee crisp - see blog)was a couple of sandwiches at 12 noon before the committee meeting. They said (predictably) that they stopped serving at 9pm, but they would save some food for us. When I staggered into the bar at almost 10.30pm, and ordered a coffee, they brought out some beef and cheese and pickle sandwiches. Great. Just what I always wanted.

I got M a pint of beer when he came in after dealing with 'Still no rush' AA man in the car park, and we sat on a comfy sofa, and they re-lit the electric log fire, bless them, and we ate our sandwiches and looked at each other. 'We could have been killed.' said M. Exactly. Praise be that we had not been snuffed out in the middle of a motorway, in the dark, in a car that wouldn't go, surrounded by large and fast lorries. Instead we made it to the hard shoulder, and had simply been mildly inconvenienced. M looked at me. 'Sorry' he said. 'Sorry?' I replied. 'Nothing to say sorry for, I have had a brilliant evening - you shared your toffee crisp.'

Post script: It was my birthday on the Friday, and M and V dropped off two presents. One was a matchbox model of the exact AA tow truck, and the other was..a toffee crisp. Bless.

I couldn't resist it.....

I did it very quickly, just for fun. And the result has made me laugh so much....

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it. You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less. You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way. Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

The Muppet Personality Test

Not the RAC story....

... But the AA story! Are you sitting comfortably..then I'll begin. I was going on a two day training course 'up north' with the Chair of my charity, M, who also happens to be a personal friend. the course was called 'Leading Your Team' and with 6 other similar couples from other schemes, we were going to spend two days learning and talking about how to work together more effectively. M and I decided to travel up the night before, and even get there early enough to enjoy a relaxing meal in the hotel, and spend time talking over issues - time we rarely have together. I offered to drive, as I have the newer car, but M said no, he really didn't like being driven, so we went in his car.

Which was fine until it broke down whilst doing 70 in the middle lane, funny noise, loss of power, and thankfully a lorry driver let us across to the hard shoulder, or we would have come to a stop in the middle lane, in the dark and rain on a very busy motorway. Not funny....

So M gets out and looks under the bonnet. He gets back in. 'Not sure why I did that, I know nothing about engines.' No, but it seemed the right thing to do. M calls the AA while I think, there goes our peaceful evening and nice dinner..... M has to get out and read a number off a post, as the AA want to know (quite reasonably) where we are. We don't know, it's dark and rainy and we were talking, but we think we passed Stafford.... when M gets back in he tells me the AA will be an hour. Great. He also tells they have advised us not to sit in the car, but wait outside. I laugh, I think he is joking. No, he's not. So I put on my coat and we both get out and I teeter onto the muddy, wet, grassy bank in my best suede boots, and try and make light of the situation, to make M feel better about it all.

I start to regret refusing an earlier toilet stop, standing in the cold and rain, especially when M disappears out of sight to have a pee. I am not crouching in the bushes in the rain for anyone. I'll wait.....

The police stop and talk to us, check on us, and drive away.....I stop being the entertainer eventually, and pull my hood down over my face, tuck my cold hands under my arms and stand with my back to the rain, head down, like those Emperor penguins at the south pole. Or is it north pole?

I stand like that for a while, doing a kind of hibernation thing while the rain pours down, the traffic roars past, and I get colder. Suddenly I hear M's voice in my ear. 'Would you like some of this?' I turn round and look down at what he has in his hand. I reach out to take it, my eyes widening in anticipation. A toffee crisp. He is giving me half of his toffee crisp. As my lips close round the sweet chocolate and crispy inside, I feel so happy, it was worth breaking down for.

The AA man arrives after an hour and twenty minutes. What a nice man. To cut a long story medium, he takes two seconds to decide we can't be mended, and ask where we want to be towed to. To my relief, M decided to head on to our destination, an hour away, rather than two and a half hours back to St Albans.

Another half hour watching 'No rush then' AA man fix M's car to the back of the tow truck, and he eventually opens the rear cab door and invites me in. By now I can't feel my hands or feet. I climb up two steps and pull myself into the back seat of the truck, about four foot off the ground.

AA man says he is going to stop at the next service station to put the back board and lights on. Good, I say, as I am so desperate for the loo now. He stops in the car park and I ask if I have time to go to the loo. He says, yes, and I thought you might want to get a drink. Oh, yes, I say, a hot coffee, would you like one? Oh, go on, love, you've twisted my arm. In my enthusiasm to reach the warmth and comfort of the cafe, I open the door and step out, forgetting I am four feet off the ground. I plummet like a brick, in a Mrs Doyle kind of style of exiting an AA truck, and am quickly on the ground. M and the AA man turn round slowly from the front of the cab and chorus, 'Are you ok?' Yes, I say, picking myself up...bu**er, I knew I was desperate for a pee.....oops.....

When I get back with the coffees and clamber back in, as I shut the door, I see a notice printed along the door panel. And I quote..'Danger. Do not attempt to exit this cab without the assistance of the driver.' Now they tell me.

Is it time now???

Sorry, is it time for a little something? I have taken the hint..well 12 hints actually, thank you for your comments and for missing me! Trouble is after not blogging for a while and so much going on, I didn't know where to begin, I have been so up and down emotionally, and my blogging comes so much from the heart that I am tempted to pour it all out here, and really.......be grateful I haven't!!!! (remember, Sally, this is not a private diary........)

To be fair, the beginning of my not blogging was because suddenly I had a life, and I was actually too busy to blog!!!

The day after my last blog I went to the theatre where I work as a 'casual' technician to say goodbye to Simon, the Tech Manager, who has now gone to Australia for a new life outside Potters Bar. He used to manage a tribute band, The Beautiful Housemartins, or Beautiful Southmartins, you get the picture, and they came and played a final gig for his leaving party. They were very good, I listened, sang, had a dance with Simon who was very drunk, and he said he would miss me 'in a different way from the rest of the tech crew'. Given the rest of the crew are all blokies ranging from 17 to about 30 (except Gary who is old like me) and very geekie techie....mmm yes I guess I am different, but what could he mean..he said we had worked well together - which we always did - but hadn't really got to know each other personally, but he knew there was more to me than meets the eye....yes, well, I told you he was drunk.

But Simon had been there for 6 years, I liked him and worked well with him, he had taught me a lot, and the rest of the guys are much newer, and as I work there so rarely, I don't feel part of the team really..in fact I hardly spoke to them at the party, they were all standing in corners drinking beer and being geeky and techie. You know me, I love working in the theatre, but now I do it for fun and for camaraderie and being a part of a team, and I wanted to be with them all and have a dance and a laugh..instead I felt that Simon going was the end of an era..especially when he told me the new Tech Manager was only 26 (and a guy, obviously)..and thought maybe I should hang up my leatherman and call it a day..consequently when I said goodbye to Simon and slipped out of the party, it felt very sad and like the end of something big in my life, and so I cried all the way home.

You see how tough this is? A long blog and I am only up to Sunday, March 12th??? And try as I do, I can't help sharing all the thoughts and feelings that are so painful, I feel so emotionally raw, like I haven't got a skin, and even the smallest things hurt so much...I really don't want to be like this...but when I just try and get on with life and work, and keep the emotion inside, it starts to hurt physically, like now I have stomach pain... well, that's enough for now!

Oh happy day.....

..oh happy day..to come to blog world and find that lots of my blog friends have been blogging, and there is lots for me to read!!!! What did I do before blog world was in my life?? Oh, that fateful Angel's weekend when PAB introduced its mysteries to me.....I lvoe the fact that it keeps me in touch with so many people, and gives me a glimpse into their world...

This week has been mixed and busy. The husband has been unwell with man flu and a bad back..so bad he had to stay in bed on Tuesday, and I promised to return at lunchtime and minister with soup and lemsip. Then I got a text from Dave Sh offering pizza, and I was off like a shot. Such a tart. So easy. Offer food and I'm anybody's. When I got back to the office at 2pm I rang home to explain work had delayed me (tut tut!) to find no answer. After ringing several times, and knowing I had left Clive in bed with the phone, puzzled, I rang his mobile. He answered. He had gone out. I reminded him I was about to come home specially to do his lunch. I know, he said, I've left you a note saying where I have gone....so I stopped feeling guilty about not driving home in the pouring rain to be a good wife.....

His back got worse and on Thursday I was curled up on the sofa having my post-work nap when the phone rang. It was Clive from the car. Can you help me get out, I'm stuck? So I went out to try and prize him out of his sporty Peugeot bucket seat. Perhaps it's time, now he is 60 to buy a car he can get in and out of.

He managed to go to work Friday because I dressed him and put on his socks and shoes. He has reluctantly at last made a doctor's appointment for Monday, but only because he 'has the time this week.' I explain he will have all the time in the world if he can't move..and they say women are illogical.....