Hello! Anyone out there?

I feel very alone...apart from, I think, one exception, (thank you K!) no one has blogged for days and days and days...no comments on my blog......just endless silence. I suppose you are all out there living your lives! Oh well, I'll just be patient for someone to return to the fold....

It's been a strange few days. I hung on all week until my bereavement counselling on Friday...what a session that was! A quiet weekend, been doing a lot of thinking, and dealing with stuff, in my head, but also caught up with James and Laura and partners which was lovely.

Did a lovely autumnal dog walk through woods with Peter, Jacky and doglets, and have started to sleep just a bit better...

Well, better get ready for work..here's to a better week!

And while I'm ahead....

..While the whole blogger pic thing is working, I thought I would add a photo taken by Laura last year, when she was on her photography course. This is a pic of Sophie dog, sorry she's not smiling, but sitting still for a photo is a serious business...

Cool and trendy.....

...Yes, cool and trendy, that's me. It's time to 'come out' and challenge those of you who blog about going to gigs, complete with pics, to hear 'new' bands which, let's be honest, the rest of us have never heard of. It's only done to impress.

I, however, have access to the real cool dudes, the real professionals working in this country today. I was honoured last night, to work as tech support for Brendan Shine and his ceilidh band...Brendan has been around a while, but talent stands the test of time. He was playing (and I quote from the programme here,) 'some of the best of his 35 international hit singles'. How many bands can boast that, hey?

I have to confess I hadn't heard of his most famous song, his greatest hit, which he sang to end the gig, to raptuous applause, 'Do you want your auld lobby washed down?' Due to a technical hitch with a couple of lamps on the front of house bar (not focused or angled correctly, they cut off the top of Brendan's head, not my doing) I was required to perform emergency follow-spot cover, and so enjoyed the gig from out front. You would be trendies, eat your hearts out.

Getting there....

Spent last night going through paperwork and crying quite a lot, just cos, and Clive wisely let me get on with it and just cooked dinner! I sat down to eat, and sniffed a lot, then settled down to watch Love Soup to take my mind off things....did you catch the scene when she went to her parents' grave and thought about their not exisiting anymore, and wondering how to cope?? I just did a sharp intake of breath and thought, I don't believe this, how close to home is this, can I take it? When the voice came from the other gravestone and there was this hologram of the girl playing the organ and singing...what genius, how that writer turns situations around!!!! Alright, so I can gues some of the plot set-ups, but they are fun anway.....

Managed work this morning after another bad night - even did a staff member's annual appraisal! But then have taken the afternoon off, to be kind to myself, and have been going through house papers, solicitors' letters, phoning card companies, the water board, the ground rent people.....filling in probate forms..it has to be done, and I need space and time to do it. My brother is doing stuff too, don't be alarmed! But the house sale stuff seems to be coming here.

A friend is coming round for a cup of tea and promising to bring something creamy and delicious in half an hour or so (or more!!) so that is something to look forward to. I keep trying to post more photos, but when I click on the pic that says 'Add image,' nothing happnes! Same with spell check symbol. Any clues, you clever geeks out there?????

And I was doing so well........

It was too good to be true! I've been happy since I came back from Greece..strangely emotionally stable! No tears, so sadness, in fact no feelings at all really, but living in the present and getting on with life and my job.

Friday was good, I helped to organise a big event that came together and was a good day - can't say too much on account of not being able to blog about work!

I had cut down the anti-depressants from one a day to one every other day, as I was doing so well, I thought I'd try it, and I also hoped it would help me sleep. But my mood lowered over the days, gradually at first, but it was still ok and I was doing fine.

But then came a weekend at my parents' house in Bristol, and the first time I have stayed there overnight on my own - with my lovely Sophie dog of course!! But the house is getting emptier and so quiet, and I had the house clearance guy in to discuss taking away all the furniture etc..I knew I felt sad but was dealing with it.

But I really missed my dad so much...was aware of his room being empty, and spent a lot of time in the quiet, sad, empty house. I really missed him..I guess I was used to mum not being there...I was glad when I left. I thought I was ok until trying to do a day's work yesterday, managed ok but was increasingly falling apart inside and I didn't know what to do or who to turn to..... came home early I went to sleep on the sofa.

Am trying to deal with the paperwork, the house sale, and tonight I have come home to all the probate forms from the solicitor..and it is all there in black and white...that he is dead...and suddenly the sadness and pain is too much.

I have fallen out with a dear friend through the stress, and that has made today even harder. I texted sorry, and now as I type he has texted sorry too, and I know he forgives me and that has finally let the tears flow, dripping all over the keyboard!

I know I will have times of pain. I will get through it. I have upped my pills to one a day again, too soon to cut back! I will be happier again. But in the spirit of ongoing honesty in my blog, I share my pain with you more openly than the people around me. How stupid is that!

I have bereavement counselling on Friday. Soon the house will be sold, another chapter closed and I won't have to go there again. Time to go downstairs and cook dinner, and stop trying to hide my feelings and pretend I'm ok. I'm not. For now. But I will be.

Too busy to blog...

or possibly too tired, it's one or the other at the moment! I am either full on busy or collapsed on the sofa, half comatose or asleep before dragging myself up to bed where of course I can't sleep on account of the tablets. But being on anti-depressants at least man one is awake and happy rather than awake and miserable! But being too tired even to blog is a bit sad. I don't know what excuse some of you have out there for not blogging for ages and ages...shame on you!

The reason I am blogging now is that I have just arrived at my parents' house to do some more sorting and clearing prior to selling..I have had a cup of tea and looked through the post..now blogging seems a good idea...avoidance or what!

Anyway, why are the counterfeit Stones on my blog? Cos I did follow-spot on them at the theatre, and the place was packed, and just rocked..it was like a party..they are a good tribute band, so if you like the Stones and would like a good night out, go and see them at a place near you! And talking to them backstage, I can confirm that they are also Very Nice People.

Also, I have been out with Rosemarie this week to see the film Kinky Boots. We enjoyed it, worth a night out, some laughs, and some obvious but thought provoking stuff re prejudice and stereo-types. I can't possibly remember or spell his name, but the guy who plays the drag queen is stunning!! His performance should get an Oscar.

I ought to do something productive, but I warn you I will blog again this weekend in order to stay vaguely sane! We have a buyer for the house, so not many more weekends here. Which is both good and bad, sad and happy.....

Busy busy busy.....

Can't believe the last couple of days...

Saturday..Up and out into town with DC who is celebrating walking by having coffee out and walking without a stick..home for lunch...back to the office to pack car with saleable things for car boot sale...lots of ironing..TV bed....wish i could sleep...

Sunday..up ay 6.30am in pitch dark to get ready for car boot sale...must be mad..set off at 7.30 with car full of stuff, dog and flask of coffee as it is getting light..Jill and I arrive to find the whole playground full of stalls and we are the last there and barely squeeze on..they must all have come in the dark..they are mad...

Take my tables out of the boot and put them up..turn round to find several dealers with their heads in my car unwrapping my stuff and examining it..'Excuse me' I say, 'Could I unpack it before you look at it?' They are hard and unflinching and don't move. 'How much are these love?' says one dealer brandishing two of my mum's dishes. 'I don't know' I say and carry on trying to push them aside and unpack, unsure if I can do this..eventually order is restored, Jill and I do a morning's business, haggle over prices, chat to people, have people make a fuss of our dogs, eat bacon sarnies and drink coffee in the warm sunshine, and generally enjoy the madness of a car boot sale..of all my nice stuff to sell, I get two offers for my flask of coffee...

Go back home and back to Jill's for lunch in her garden. Laura rings and asks me to go shopping with her. So I eat lunch, then take my leave - shopping calls! - and pass a pleasant hour helping Lura choose shoes - and paying for them! - my pleasure - when DC rings to see if I want a dog walk - his first in about six months! So we head home and I catch up with friend Peter and Clive and his mother who have all been to the circus..don't ask...

Then escape to the Wick and spend a happy hour, still in the sun, walking round and round, and I throw the ball for DCs dog, to save him doing all the bending down and throwing. My lack of power amuses him, as I try to hurl ball on a rope as far as I can..which isn't far at all..when I try a new throwing the discus technique I cannot guarantee direction of flight, so nearly take David's head off a couple of times. Decide to head home when light starts fading..then discover my mobile phone is no longer in my pocket.

Take the dog home, who is limping and cannot walk further, and Clive offers to come with me, also friend Mark, so we head back and search acres of field as darkness falls, with only one torch between us, and no-one has bought a phone so we can ring mine...... we search for an hour til it is so dark we cannot see each other, and give up and go home.

Pick up message on answer phone from lovely teenage boy who says he has found my phone..or rather his dog has...so go round to his house and thank them all profusely and give them a bottle of wine..go home with precious phone, and realise it is 7.30pm and I haven't actually stopped since I got out of bed at 6.30am...thankfully Clive is cooking dinner when I get back, which I eat, then fall fast asleep. Sleep til 10pm then decide to crawl into bed. Sleep more until 2am then wake...wish I could sleep................

Sorry, can't talk about it....

..work, that is. Apart from saying that it is going really well, once again I am focused on it, enjoying it, really busy and not enough hours in the day, don't know how I managed without Nikki..and so much to tell you..but I can't, cos I'm not allowed to.

I went to the doctor Friday, had all the results of my heart and blood tests and he confirmed I am 'A' ok, nothing wrong with me (if the nurse did it right..see earlier blog...) Would it surprise you if I told you in the 'it could only happen to me' mould, while I am discussing my state of mind, and how I am doing on the tablets..the doctor takes not one, but two calls on his mobile phone????? I think this is unprofessional, unacceptable, etc etc, can't believe it, but when he puts the phone down and says, 'Sorry about that..where were we...' I say, 'That's ok.'..... who teaches assertiveness???

My bereavement counsellor is amazed at the difference in me. The doctor is. Everyone who sees me is amazed to hear me laughing, and they look at me and say, 'You look better'. No-one has yet beaten DC's comment of 'You don't look as haggard as before...' out of the mouths of babes......

I hope it's not just the pills. I hope it lasts. It's good to feel normal for a while..and yes, even emotionally stable!! I'd better go back to the doctor next week to see if he's exchanged contracts on his house. He did seem rather stressed.....

Me and the cats....

Yiannis, the nice man who owned the little hillside cottages on Samos (converted peasant hovels really) owned all these lovely little cats and kittens, and they used to scamper about the terrace in the mornings, waiting for us to get up. Of course I made friends with them immediately, and they would come back in the evenings and play, and chase olives and leaves. We would bring little titbits of fish back from our evening meal at the taverna, which of course, made us very popular...

A pleasant olive grove......

Pictures of Greece....

..or, rather, pictures of Samos and Ikaria to be more precise. I did promise them. Clive has now downloaded them. I will endeavour to post some - it's a while since I did it, so it could take some time...talk amongst yourselves......

Strange times we live in....

It's so unreal. My Saturday was fairly typical...Clive went to work, I stayed in bed..I read, then got up and went doggie walking with Jill..headed home, put some washing on, went to Laura's to feed the cat, walked into town to do some shopping...and while I was out, an earthquake in Pakistan killed upwards of 30,000 people. And it has hardly made a blip on my radar. I watch the images on the news, I can barely take it in. I cannot imagine what it must be like to live out there. Like the Tsunami, such catastrophic destruction, loss of life..and yet sometimes I struggle to feel anything. 30,00 people killed. Yet if I knew, personally knew just one, the pain would be so much more real. Like in the Tsunami, when I lost friends. Real people from St Albans died.

My mum and dad died. Just two people. But the effect on my life is huge. But when you don't know people, death isn't so painful. Yet they are still people..someone's mother, or brother, or father or son. Other human beings dying should still hurt. I watch the images on TV, make myself watch so they are real people, not just statistics.There but for the grace of God....

It's not as if I don't care, and would like to help. But isn't life weird, isn't feeling, or lack of it, weird. Whatever else happens to anyone else in the world, all I cared about on Saturday evening, with my eyes fixed on the Arrivals doors in Terminal 3, was to see Laura and Mec walk back through, safe from their holiday in Thailand. I know it's human nature...but I felt guilty for feeling that way. And oh so grateful.

Last week continued....

The previous Sunday, our minister's wife, Julia, asked me if I would like to go to the cinema with her. I said yes, and we decided on Pride and Prejudice. We also decided on a bite to eat first, so we could chat - we don't really know each other that well. Graham and Julia have been at the church for almost two years, a time when I have been largely absent for Bristol reasons! And when I was around I was too stressed or upset to be much company!

So we had a pleasant evening, a pizza followed by the film. I felt very relaxed as I setttled in my seat, and thought, how peaceful not to have to worry about following the plot, or understanding the film! In common with many others, I've read the book, seen the TV series, and so could just realx and enjoy the interpretation. I have to say it wasn't bad, and I enjoyed it, and although I don't fancy Matthew McFadden as much as Colin Firth in the role, when he came striding out of the morning mist in his night shirt, and long coat tails flying...well it worked for me! As for Keira Knightley, she is much too young, slim and photogenic. I hate her. And as for Donald Sutherland's accent...sorry, nothing against him, but could we not find a British actor good enough?

Thursday night I was Duty Tech at the theatre for an amateur performance of Pygmalion. basically the company run it all, I just babysit. And deal with any crises.....in theory. I decided not to watch the show, but settle in the Tech office with a cup of tea, a chicken sandwich and my book - yes I am reading again! I just put my feet up on the desk and reached for my tea, when I got a call to go to the stage. That can only mean trouble.... turns out the show relay wasn't working in the dressing rooms...I tweaked a few knobs and nothing happened. It was working last night they said. I went to ask Alex on sound to give me a clue....he told me to change the battery in the mike picking up the sound. So I found a new battery, took out the old one, fitted it, replaced the mike and went back to the dressing rooms...nothing. I saw Stuart, one of our tech crew who was in the show. Did you check the mike was actually turned on he asked? No....but I did, and it wasn't...as Simon my Tech manager would say, it was just 'a switching problem.' Cast in the dressing rooms happy, Sally back to her tea and sandwich and good book. I'm not called a Duty technician for nothing.....

What Sally did next.....

What did I do next, after my adventures in Cambridge? Well, I went back into the office on Friday, and was invited out to lunch with my two best sick friends, David C, off work with a bad back (still) and Dave Sh, off work with his kidney condition, well, they picked me up and whisked me to the waffle house, where over milk shakes and waffles I told them of my Cambridge adventures (see blogs below) and it had the desired effect - general merriment. It's the way I tell them.. I do believe in helping the sick. Laughter is a great healer. They dropped me off for my bereavement counselling session. I walked back - in the rain - of course I wouldn't have got wet if I hadn't left my umbrella in David's car....

No wonder I am getting fatter by the minute - after the waffles, that evening Clive and I went out for an Indian with Jacky and Peter. It was lovely, but I was so full......

Saturday night - no peace for the wicked - I worked at the theatre, doing follow-spot for a Country Legends Tribute Night. I tell you, it was a sell out, the grey brigade were in, and they loved it and joined in with all the songs. I stood with my follow spot for two hours and tried to pay attention - I enjoy most shows and most music, but this one just lacked something. Though I do admit to having a little dance and joining in with 'My achy, breaky heart'. I have to be careful when I dance otherwise the follow-spot wobbles. And if I lose concentration for a second, I look up to find the singer has moved and I am lighting up empty stage..so unprofessional....

By the time the show has finished, and we have packed up, put away mikes and mike stands, lights, coiled miles of cable, taken down speakers, staging, loaded everything into flight cases, lifted everything off the stage and loaded it into the van, when it's cold and rainy, and we don't finish til midnight and I am dog tired, by knees ache, my back hurts and I just want my bed, I do wonder why I am still doing this for £5 an hour?? Still, it gets me out on a Saturday night....

I did other exciting things last week. But it's bed time now, I'll tell you more tomorrow......sleep well.

The adventure continued.....

Sorry for the delay..I am either out or asleep at the moment! Except now when I am both in and awake, so here I am.....

So Nikki and I get there, late, the car park is full so we end up driving around and eventually park miles away behind sheds and the greenhouse and compost heap and hope we are not in anyone's way. We have to leave our bags in the car til lunchtime, but I manage to grab my key on the way in, and note that Nikki's room is next to mine. We also grab a coffee and biscuit (hooray!) and make it into the first session just in time.

After lunch it is time to move into our rooms. I have my key, i say, your room is next to mine. Oh, did you collect my key too, says Nikki? Er, no, sorry I didn't think. Oh cheers, she says, and joins a long key queue. Feeling guilty I offer to collect the bags from the car, so off I go and stagger back with two bags, going straight to the rooms cos they are nearest, assuming Nikki will meet me there. She doesn't. After a farcical ten minutes involving mobile phones with no service, and me going all the way back to reception, and Nikki going to the car park to look for me, we find each other and move into our rooms. We then come out ready to go to the second session, and Nikki says sheepishly, I've forgotten my trousers, they are still in the trouser press. (I employ someone who owns a trouser press? mental note......)

So there we are, me with no hairbrush, hair dryer and no purse, Nikki with no trousers and hardly any cash. We go to the second session, then make enquiries at tea time and discover a 24 hour Tescos only 5 mins away. Saved. Hairbrush, trousers and cash all in one go. So we get directions and head off to the car. Nikki stops and frantically searches her bag. Bu''er, I can't find my car keys. Another frantic search. Oh no, I must have left them in my room. Oh dear, i think this really is turning into a farce, and I offer to wait while she goes back to her room to look, given that it's long way back from the compost heap. As she turns to go, she suddenly says, hang on, I gave you the keys to get the bags out of the car! Oh, so you did, I say, frantically searching my own handbag, and then suddenly going, OH!' and looking at Nikki in a Strange Way. What, she says, can't you find them? No, I say, but what I can find is.....(produces with a flourish...) a hairbrush! It was there all the time!

We look at each other and then collapse into a complete heap, and when we have recovered, decide that we can manage with the little cash Nikki has got for a drink each after dinner, and she will manage in her skirt, sod it, we won't go to Tescos, we'll go back and have a cup of tea.

Oh you two were quick, people say, yes, don't ask I reply.

The two days proceeded without further incident until i got home on Thursday night and got into bed, and went to get something out of my handbag...and found my room key.....oops I had forgotten to hand it in...I left with Nikki and didn't notice her hand her key in...... I texted her and told her I had my room key. I got the reply..'Silly cow.' Shock! Are employees allowed to be so rude to their manager? She doesn't even know about the interrupting cow. I feel hurt. If she gave her key in, she could have reminded me to do the same.

I am hurt and smarting til Friday evening when I receive a second text message from Nikki. 'Um, you won't believe this, but I've just found my key in my bag....' As I suspected. And so I hit the reply button..'Silly cow back!' Are managers allowed to address employees in this way?

So, what did I forget to pack?

Continuing from earlier in the week...my trip to Cambridge with Nikki. I've got up extra early this morning to tell you this story, I hope you appreciate it. Nikki is coming to my house to pick me up - she is late, due to an accident somewhere. I use the time to make some phonec alls re my father's business, including closing some accounts and paying some bills.

(I call the cable TV company, and am asked for the password on the account, I tell her I don't know it but I need to tell her something and pay the overdue bill, she says she will not discuss the account at all without the password, I tell her I need to talk to her, she repeats it, then I say look my father is dead, I can't ask him the password, ok? I just want to tell her that fact and pay the bill. Girl is suitably mortified and embarrassed, and let's me pay the outstanding amount over the phone with my credit card, and says she'll put a note on the computer so no-one will ask for the password again. Thank you I say. Why am I paying for cable TV? So we all have something to watch on those soul destoying trips to the house...)

Anyway, I digress, Nikki eventually appears and we make a hurried departure and head towards Cambridge. You know how you sit in a car and calmy go over in your head if you have everything? Oh, bu**er, I say, I haven't packed my hair dryer. (Liz, stop laughing, I owe you a quid.) I can lend you mine says Nikki. Oh, bu**er again, I say, I haven't packed my hairbrush either! I can't believe I have forgotten these essential items once again.......

Nikki has to stop for petrol on the motorway, so I go into the shop to see if I can buy a hairbrush. As I go in, I look in my bag and.....no purse. I took it out on the dining room table when I was paying the cable bill, my credit card was in it..and it's till there.... I turn to Nikki. No purse. No money. Nikki says she'll lend me. We'll need to buy drinks in the bar tonight. Nikki discovers a lack of cash in her purse. Don't worry, she says, I'll get cash out. The cash machine in the garage shop does not take her kind of card. Don't worry, says the helpful lady behind the counter, who does't do cash-back, go into the main service station, she can get cash there and they also sell hairbrushes....

But we are late and have no time so head on to Cambridge. Sorry we are late says Nikki. That's ok, I say through gritted teeth. I haven't had breakfast and we will only miss the lovely fresh coffee and shortbread biscuits, it doesn't matter... Nikki tries to speed up a bit, but not much, as she, like me, is awaiting judgement after her fourth speeding ticket......

There is more to this story - oh yes, really, but I will be late for work, so you'll just have to wait....................

What a bizarre day!

Yesterday was strange but busy! Ran the first of a new Prep coruse with 9 new keen volunteers signing up. Enjoyed running the session: I lvoe training and there was a real buzz to the day and they are all keen to come back next week!

As soon as they ahd all gone I took myself off to the hospital for the blood tests my doctor wanted me to have. Short wait, lotrs of blood, abck to the fofice...except I got a friend to pick me up to save the walk back and we fitted in a milk shake and a bannoffee waffle cos I hadn't had a lunch break..mmm...

Back to the office for a while then off to the doctor's to see the nurse for an ECG (that the doctor wanted...) it could only happen to me, I strip off and lay out like a beached whale in a room that was, frankly, a little chilly, to find that it was a new machine that the nurse hadn't used before. First she rang a colleague in another surgery to find out how to switch it on..then she wasn't sure how to wire me up, so had to look through two instruction books,..'Oh, I can only find Spanish and French, sorry about this, are you ok?' 'yes fine thanks' (bloody cold) after a while she looked at me and said, oops, let's cover you up, and she popped a blanket across my chest. Thanks I said, it is a bit nippy..I wasn;t sure if she realised I was cold or the sight of so much sagging fleshed appalled her.....anyway, eventaually she found the right book, the right page, in English, that told her how to wire me up. Lead F, the left arm, she said, attaching it happily. I think you'll find that's my right arm, I said helpfully. Oh, so it is, thank you. Forgive me for lying there desperately wanting to ask, do they give you any training here when you get new equipment?

Oh, you are the very first person I've tested with this machine, said the nurse happily as the paper print out shot out of the top. Really, I would never have guessed. Now, she shouldn't tell me, it's really up to the doctor, but she doesn;t want me worrying, so the reading shows no problems. I'm ok. But...yes, great minds think alike. Has she done it right?

Had to rush home to pick up the dog to go to the vet..Sophie has a limp..and that co-incided with a GB conference phone call re the Nov weekend. Ended up joining the call while trying to pay for the visit and the pills with my credit card , hold Sophie on her lead, listen to the call.. eventually sat in the car park for an hour while we plan the weekend by committee..oh joy....the car has been empty of petrol for two days so decide to head off and fill up.....it's gone 7.30pm and I haven't been home yet and I remember I still have to go to Laura's and feed the cat..................

Now, what did I leave behind on my trip away? Oh, sorry time to go to work, no time, tell you later.....................

Last week continued.....

Monday found me back in the office trying to catch up with post holiday e-mails, post and phone calls. Took my two colleagues out to lunch, to say thank you for holding the fort while I relaxed in Greece. Then they went home while I sat at my desk, fought my headache and general unwellness until 7.30pm!!!! So much to do and so little time......because the weekend had been busy I hadnt been shopping, so Clive rang to say he'd cooked potatoes, but there was nothing else....I dragged myself to a shop, bought ncie sausages (is there such a thing???) , gave them to Clvie to cook and immediately went to sleep on the sofa.

He woke me up, I ate, went back to sleep, then took myslef up to bed at 9pm to sleep properly and get rid of this lurking lurgy. I had a training day on Tuesday, Child Protection based, and managed to get through it before going home to collapse yet again. Must have picked something up on the plane, some strange virus...for the next two days, Nikki and I were off to Cambridge for the Eastern Region 2 day conference, in an old Elizabethan hall, with wonderful food and a chance to meet others like us from around the region...this is my fifth year of attending!!! Didn;t want to mis it. So was delighted to wake up Weds morning to find head ache gone and feeling a bit more human. Hooray, time to party!! before tomorrow's fascinating instalment, the cliff hanger is....Sally is going away for two days...what did she forget to pack?????

Where was I?

Oh yes, Friday and my AGM..went well, had three volunteers talk about the work they do, given that it's the Year of the Volunteer! Went down very well. My talk was ok too. Was a busy day....a quick way to get back in to things after two weeks holiday! And it continued...Saturday spent all day with a charity collecting tin at a local supermarket..we made about £200, not bad..then drove up to a village in Beds. for the wedding reception of Clive's niece..no, the daughter of the guy whose mother is Clive's mother's sister.....great niece??? First cousin? First cousin once removed?? I give up.

Had not been feeling well since coming back from Greece, so we left at 10pm for the hour and a half drive home. I did most of it, being the sober one, but then had to give up around Stevenage and get Clive to take over. So tired, a bit head-achy and a bit flu-ey. Then Sunday, up at 7am to take Laura and Mec to Heathrow for their flight to Bangkok for their 2 week holiday in Thailand. They were so excited..hope they have a good time. Then I drove on to Bristol, sold my dad's car to the gut who bought it on e-bay - (I washed it and bits were falling off the body work!) But it started first time, I took the £50 and the car was duly driven away.

I then spent a good hour cleaning mum and dad's house, it was looking a bit sad, and still not sold. I hoovered, cleaned, polished and dusted, and left it looking happier. I drove away after two hours there, feeling very peaceful, and it was the first time I had been there and not got upset. Felt calm and ok.

However, still felt unwell and very tired, and had to stop at a motor way service station and sleep. That, combined with accidents and Sunday night traffic jams, meant it took from 3pm until 7pm to get home. But I had to do it cos we were going to Highgate to take James out for dinner for his birthday. 29! My baby is 29!! Had to get Clive to drive there and back, as I had done over 7 hours driving that day..just managed a meal although I wasn't hungry, but had fun with James and Hilary and gave James his pressie....a juicer. What he wanted..apparently he spent the moring of his birthday (Monday) happily juiicing various fruits and making lvoely healthy drinks. You see, my kids don't do cigarettes or drugs, they do fruit smoothies. I must have been a good mother.

Where have I been???

You may well ask. We had two weeks on two Greek Islands, Ikaria and Samos, which are quite a long way down south, just off the Turkish coast. That's for those of you who like Geography. I will post some pictures very soon, so will save holiday comments til then. Suffice to say I read a lot - four books compared with none during the whole year..now I am back in to reading, and that is good for one's mental health. I read for hours, lying under a sunshade on the beach, then swam in the clear, warm, blue sea, then slept a bit while I dried out, stared into space a lot, stared at the horizon...then felt the need to visit a Greek Taverna for wonderful fresh orange juice, tomato salad, bread, fried aubergines..sitting in the open air, eating the most wonderful food...then I would lie down and read my book again, and go through the whole cycle again! Quite magic and healing and restful and lots of other words.

Had my AGM on Friday, so wrote my speech on the plane coming back on Thursday! Didn't sleep so well Thursday night, worrying a bit about being unprepared for the AGM, and talking in front of 50 people inc the committee and the mayor and the MP - the talking doesn't bother me, but not being sure of what I'm going to say does! Decided to set my alarm for 7.30am and go into work early and write up my talk in peace. Clive had Friday off, so he was none to pleased when my phone alarm went off and I leapt out of bed and put the light on. I had only been asleep about an hour myself, it felt like. In Greece I woke up to Bright blue sky and blistering sun pouring in.....now it felt like the middle of the night, so bloody dark. 'It feels like the middle of the night' I said to Clive who groaned and pulled the duvet over his head. I looked out..it really was dark....then I remembered my phone was still on Greek time, so it was actually 5.30 am...how popular was I????